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I need to vent
Do you ever find yourself getting annoyed with your friends? Lately my three best friends are all driving me insane for different reasons.
Let me start by saying that I love them dearly and they truly are three of the best friends I could ever ask for. I've been friends with one for over 12 years and the other two for over 8 and we're extremely close; however, over the course of the last few weeks I've wanted to slap them all a little bit for different reasons.
Friend #1: He wants to move to the town I currently live in sometime in August (wonderful!) and asked me to send him apartment listings/jobs that I come across (no problem). For the last several weeks I've been sending him listings and the other day asked him if he had applied to a place I sent him or if he had called to make an appointment to view any of the apartments I sent him, and he said "no but I will soon". This is driving me nuts bc he keeps asking me to help him with this yet he's not doing anything on his end. It takes time to find a job and apartments; it's not a last minute type thing...ugh. Don't waste my time if you aren't serious about it.
Friend #2: Her Mom started radiation treatment last week for a brain tumor. They've operated and removed the tumor twice but it keeps growing back so they've decided to try radiation. It's pretty intense, she has to be there every day Monday-Friday for 29 days. If this were my Mom I'd be there for her non-stop during this time as I'm sure the Mom is on an emotional roller coaster on top of probably not feeling well..yet what does my friend do? Oh she goes camping, fishing, and stays for a long weekend at her boyfriend's. I just find this incredibly immature and rude of her considering her Mom really needs her now. I get she can't totally put her life on hold, but she lives with her parents; I'd think instead of planning a last minute camping trip she should have stayed home and cleaned the house for her Mom or cooked some meals for the week so dinner would be one less thing the Mom has to worry about.
Friend #3: She's having a baby that's due in a month and I am sooo excited for her especially considering she's had 2 miscarriages with previous pregnancies and has been on moderate bedrest since January with this one. She's already had 1 baby shower and is getting 2 more. She texted me the other night saying she is thinking of having a 'welcome home baby' party once the baby is a couple weeks old. To me this just screams gift grabby. I told her I didn't think it was a good idea considering she'll probably be tired from a newborn and wont feel like throwing a party, but she still plans on having it. Within the last two years she's had two bridal showers, a wedding/reception, house warming party, birthday parties, an "It's a girl party" (ridiculous, I know), and baby showers. And now she wants a 'welcome home baby' party...I'm sick of buying her gifts.
Vent is over. Thanks for 'listening'
Re: I need to vent
No offense to your friends but here is my take (don't get offended)
1. He is using you and basically wants you to do it for him. Lazy lazy lazy!
2. She is being selfish in my eyes too. However, unfortunately, some handle grief differently. I would suck it up and make life as easy as possible for my mom but she just might be internalizing everything.
3. Arghhhhh....gift whore!!!!
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I agree completely with 1 and 3. With respect to number 2, I think some people don't appreciate their parents/family until they are apart from them (ie: not living in the same house).
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And would like to add this...having a three week old, I have no desire to have more than two guests in my house at one time (one couple at a time, and we aren't allowing children until he gets his vaccinations at 2 months).
My house is a disaster area, and I don't have the time or energy to clean it because I'm caring for a newborn all day, and spending family time with my husband and child at night and on weekends...that's more important to me than preparing my house for a party.
Also, I cannot imagine having an event where that many people would hold my two week old...and this is beyond my selfishness of not wanting to share him. This is how babies get sick. And when babies get sick, they go through a lot that you don't want to put your newborn through. When we have two people over at a time, I can ensure they are not sick and that they are washing their hands well before handling him. Not everyone thinks about this when they visit a new baby, so it's important to me to make sure this is happening.
Sorry for my rant here...I just am annoyed by the idea for an additional reason (because the gift grabby thing bugs me, too!). Maybe you could bring this up to her? It may not be something that she would've thought about.
Megan & Chris
20-30 people doesn't seem very small! Lol. Sounds like she is maybe wanting to show off with a little bit of getting some help on stuff for the baby. Maybe more then needed though. I agree with everyone on the first friend. Sounds flakey haha. I would have no idea how to handle my mother if she had that but I would probably be very close to her side as much as possible. But that's just me
Yep. I think a lot of people underestimate how much help they'll want rather than how much they'll want to be social. Chris and I couldn't care less about visitors...in fact, we'd prefer not to have them (other than a few close friends here and there). The few visitors that we have had have all brought dinner, and that's the best thing in the world.
My mom was a huge help without being overly intrusive the first couple of weeks, and that's exactly what I needed. She went to Target to get a bunch of stuff that I needed, did some grocery shopping, helped clean up the house, etc. Stuff that I didn't want Chris to have to do since he wanted to be with Carter, too, and things that I couldn't do since I was recovering from surgery.
At any rate, I think you should totally bring it up to her. Maybe she would be fine having 20-30 people over. That's just a huge party to me...and WAY too many people handling my baby. But again, I'm pretty paranoid about germs, and don't care to take any chances (which is also why we aren't allowing children to be around him until he's vaccinated).
Maybe you should just tell her to see how it goes once she's home instead of planning ahead of time. And didn't she have a baby shower? Isn't that what you made those delicious looking cupcakes for?
Honestly, if someone had a "meet the baby" party, I wouldn't bring a gift. Maybe I'm a b, but I don't think it's a gift giving occasion.
Megan & Chris
Yeah she had a baby shower...she is actually getting 3 baby showers. Her mom, sister, and I threw her one; he husbands side of the family is throwing her one, and then her husbands co-workers are throwing them one.
That's good advice...if she brings it up maybe I'll suggest she waits to plan it until after the baby is born, especially if she has to have a c-section or something. She wont recover from that nearly as fast as she would a vaginal birth.
I just don't think I'll go if she has a 'meet the baby' party. I know that sounds horrible since she's one of my best friends but I plan to meet the baby right after she has it; apparently their list of people to call when she goes into labor is her mom, his mom, and then me lol...so I'm sure I'll meet the baby on my own time; I don't need a party to meet my BFF's baby lol.
An "it's a girl party" and a "welcome home baby" party, um yeah that's just weird and gift grabby (I would not bring a gift to either). Then again I refused to go to a diaper party for one of DH's friends this past weekend because A) I think it's silly, and
I found out only an hour or two before that it was co-ed (aren't these usually a guy thing) and C) that's my least favorite of DH's social circles. I agree with Megan, and try to get her to hold off on planning that party. Frankly just have a party, don't make a silly reason to have it.
Friend 1 I would stop sending stuff until he appreciates and uses what you have already sent.
Friend 2 is just a really thoughtless person, or just can't handle her mom being sick and is "handling" it with avoidance. I would check to see how she is doing about the situation, and maybe casually suggest ways she could help her mom out (if she's always lived at home and her mom always takes care of stuff she may not even know what needs to be done).
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