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Should I be there when my sister gives birth?
Hey ladies,
My sister is having a baby in two weeks (yes, it's scheduled.) She lives 1500 miles away, and my mom, her in-laws, and SIL will be there. My parents will be there again a couple weeks later. I had decided to wait and go for five days in August so that she can get some additional help and we can have a better visit. But as it's getting closer, the idea of not being there is really making me sad -- especially should anything go wrong, I'd want to be there for my mom and be with my sister. The practical part of me is saying it would be more helpful for me to go later, but I'm wondering if I would regret it.
Thoughts? Have any of you been through this with a sibling who lives far away? I'm wondering whether this is a time I shouldn't listen to my practical side.
Thanks 
Re: Should I be there when my sister gives birth?
You have to do what's right for you, but IMO you're better off going in August. I live 300 miles from my sister and wasn't interested in being there for her kids births. Likewise, I didn't want anyone around for mine. I just wanted my husband. This may not be the norm but I felt like if you cannot actaully do anything for me you shouldn't be there. My parents came down about a week after my child was born, I could have done without that too, honestly...I haven't lived near my family in over a decade and am very used to having to get things done without relying on people, c-section and all. I may be the only one that feels this way but it seems like she'll have more then enough people there. Only you can answer this though.
Have you asked your sister what she would prefer? I didn't want any around for the birth or staying with us after, but some people feel differently. Then again, I don't have a sister so maybe it's different.
I know having a visit a month or two later (when DH and all the other help was gone) would have been great.
TTC #2: BFP 12/17/11, m/c 1/7/12 and D&C 1/12/12
baby blog/cooking blog
Its a great question-- I am wondering the same thing right now.
My sister is due mid September and my plan was to go at the beginning of October. She lives in the midwest (so a plane ride away) and I just can't take last minute trips with my LO here and my husband away at training. So right now I am planning on going 2-3 weeks after the baby is born to help out.
Yes, I am sad that I won't be actually there, but in hindsight, I really was OK with my sister not being here for the birth of my LO.
GL! And congrats on being an aunt!
I vote for waiting. while the aftermath of any labor is gross, I felt having a c-section was particularly gross afterward. I couldn't go to the bathroom by myself (and each bathroom experience was a bit horrific), I couldn't dry myself off after a shower (which I was allowed 2 days after the procedure), etc. I wanted as few people as possible to witness this nastiness.
What would be great, though, is to get a bit of help after all the initial hub-bub dies down....after her partner is back at work, parents/ILs leave, etc.
But, I also second asking her for what *she* would prefer. Some people really like being surrounded by support doing this time whereas I just wanted to be left alone with my new baby & husband.
I'd ask her what she wants. I was happy not to have visitors until about a week after DS was born, but other people might be sad not to have certain people around them when the baby arrives.
Also, stay flexible with your plans. Just because the birth is scheduled for two weeks for now doesn't mean that the baby will necessarily wait until then
Also, your sister could change her mind about what she wants -- possibly wanting you to come sooner or possibly wanting you to wait a little longer to visit.
I would definitely ask her. Do you have reason to think that something could go wrong?
It sounds like she is going to have a lot of people there and she might appreciate you later like you had planned.
I agree to ask her. But I'm assuming this is her first birth so she may not know exactly how she's going to feel. Recovering from a c-section can be quite miserable at times. During my birth in mid-May my brother was supposed to come to the hospital to see the baby and I told him just to wait because I felt so horrible at times that I just didn't want to see people. It was really up and down depending on whether my pain meds were in full force or not. Also, I wanted to rest whenever I had the chance.
My guess is that you'll have a much better visit if you go in August and I think you can be much more of a help to her.
my gut-reaction answer is NO!
My birthing rule was "if you are not a medical professional and were not present at the time of conception, you will not be present at the time of birth." I did not want anyone in the waiting room. I told everyone we'd call them after the baby was born. And that is what we did, I had family visiting in the hospital and then no one for 1 week at home. After 1 week, I was OK with ppl visiting.
Go in August, you and your sister will enjoy the visit much more and the baby will be more alert and your sister will need more help then. In my experience, babies are pretty good at 1st and then wake up around 2-3 weeks of age and that's when the real hard work starts.
Thanks for all the helpful thoughts. I'm not particularly interested in being in the room when she's in labor, unless she wants me there. She's thinking she'll want her husband, and maybe my mom, but anyone else would leave when things really get cooking.
She's being induced, not having a c-section (at least not a planned one). I know there are a lot of opinions on that (I have my own!) but that's what is happening.
She's game for having me there whenever I want to be there, but I can't tell if she's saying that to be nice, allowing me some flexibility, or if she'd really be sad that I'm not there. I can ask her that point-blank, and I'm sure she'll tell me. I figured that opinions about it would vary widely, and given that it's her first, she may think she wants X and then really want Y.
I freaking hate living 1500 miles away. Le sigh.
Thanks again ladies. I'll likely stick with the original plan to go in August, b/c it will ultimately be the most helpful, but I know it's gonna be really tough for my heart not to be there.