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Update to my personal drama
Because I know a lot of you are curious and thinking of me. Which I appreciate greatly! I really can't express how much it meant to me to read all your encouraging messages without sounding grossly cheesy.
We sat down last night on his request and had a long talk. We got it all out there and he finally told me why he was feeling what he was. Good communication and one on one face time has been limited since we are on different work schedules. We're going to try and work on our communications and talking through problems instead of sweeping them under the rug.
I do have some resentment and frustration towards my husband because of him washing out/ medically reclassed of his career field. It makes me feel uncertain of my life and what to do about school and whatnot. So I'm going to go ahead and seek some personal counseling through M1S.
Re: Update to my personal drama
I'm glad that he asked to talk and that you are going to get help/support for yourself. I can understand your mixed feelings toward your DH. He's the one who is supposed to have your back, not be the reason you are checking over your shoulder. Trust can take some time to rebuild, but it sounds like he is trying to do so. Good for you for waiting for him to come to you. I would struggle with that. Good luck deciding what you need to do, education-wise. Being a mil-spouse is challenging, especially work-wise. Thanks for the update!!!
I'm glad you two talked.
Is your husband getting some counseling?
Please don't be the only one who seeks outside help. HE hid a huge secret from you for what sounds like at least a couple months. Don't feel like YOU are solely the problem because you're upset that life has taken on a different direction. He owes it to you to get help, just like what you're doing.
No. He is very anti-counseling. Maybe when he sees that I go and it makes me feel better than he will come around. Even if he was forced into counseling it would do no good if he didn't want to be there in the first place.
I think a big reason people are anti-counseling is that they don't know what it is and just think of what it's always made out to be. I went to counseling last year (about 8 sessions) because I was having really bad anxiety and some depression issues that I had pushed away until I was all but having a complete breakdown. I didn't want to go and I fought it, but it was nothing like I thought it would be. I learned some coping mechanisms for my anxiety and the depression issues that were coming from pushing everything back, and I'm so glad I went.
Why is he anti-counseling? Do you know?
Hang in there, I am glad he isn't just shutting you out.
I hope everything works out for you.
I'm glad you two talked.
If he won't go to a therapist will he talk to a chaplain? That has less of a stigma attached to it for some people.
I hope he comes around.
This isn't fair. The burden of fixing your marriage shouldn't solely be on your shoulders. At what point do you stop trying? If you're already resenting him for his change in career path, don't you think him giving up on your marriage, saying you aren't worth him getting over his aversion to counseling, will cause even more resentment?
You deserve someone who will fight for you. Someone who will tell you what's on his mind before he sereptitously Googles divorce lawyers. Someone who says, "I had a bad experience with XYZ in the past, but I love you so much I'm willing to try again."
Lemon, I want the best for you. I think counseling is a great idea and I hope you benefit from it.
67/200
The Dogs and Us
I hope he comes around Lemon and you can get back to a good place together. Lots of thoughts and prayers to you.
Seriously, All.Of.This!!
Also, I used to be pretty Anti-counseling. Then I learned just because someone needs counseling doesn't mean that they are crazy. Maybe he is the same way. It has helped me more than I can imagine. I hope that your H sees the light about it soon.
This. Hugs Lemon.
I understand why people are reluctant to go to counseling. When done properly, counseling is hard emotional work. It requires one to be honest and open--those can be especially difficult tasks to do when hurting or feeling vulnerable. BUT, it is what grown-ups do, for themselves and, in this case, for the wellbeing of a marriage. As Ojo mentioned, or something similar, I think, it sucks to be the only one fighting for your marriage.
What *does* your H plan to do to rebuild the trust in your marriage and to get himself in a better place emotionally, so that he can be a participating partner to you? Does the Chaplain's Office run marriage retreat weekends where you are? Might you get him to attend one of those? My guess is probably not, but I thought I'd throw it out there any way.
I'm sorry that you are feeling as you are. I hope he comes around, sees the light and gets help. Thinking of you.
Same here. Talking is a good first step. I hope both you and your DH are able find answers/healing.
This. Hang in there!
Thinking of you and keeping y'all in my prayers.
That he came around to at least talking about it is a step in the right direction. At least you've got some idea of what is going on now. Is there anybody that he really trusts or esteems who has been to counseling and might be able to give him a nudge in the right direction? Either way I think it's great that you're at least going on your own.