FFFC?

NineTwentyOhEight · June 2011

Who needs it?

NineTwentyOhEight · June 2011

I feel bad b/c DH tried to plan a babymoon to Puerto Rico and I freaked out. I just don't have a good feeling about traveling there while pregnant and I just had like this panic that we should not spend the money, etc. Then he got really upset and told me if I wanted to go someplace I have to plan it. He is all mad and we have not planned anything. We're looking at going at the end of July so we really need to make plans if we are going somewhere.

I want to have a nice few days together just us, but I am feeling so lazy and I just don't want to fly somewhere. I feel like a brat for not appreciating his gesture of wanting to take us away, and at the same time I am thinking we should be saving the money anyway.

Also, I'm secretly glad it has been cold lately because I love sleeping with the windows open and fresh air from window fans and not A/C.

wrldtravler2525@yahoo.com · June 2011

I am really frustrated with DH. He knows we are having a party in a little over a week at our house. The ceiling in the bathroom on the main floor is still not fixed. We had a pipe leak and I am thankful he fixed the pipe, now, I would like for him to finish fixing the ceiling. That whole bathroom has been out of commission for almost a month due to him having all the tools and drywall in there. He knows that my parents are coming on Thursday and he acts like there is all of this time. Um No, our Saturday and Sunday are completely booked up, unless you are going to take Monday off to fix the bathroom it isn't going to be done.

Usually I am the one that says don't worry it will get done on time, but not this time.

SugarhillHnA · June 2011

Claire- GO to Puerto Rico!! There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a homebody, but try to push those fears aside and go to PR. It's gorgeous. I went in my 1st tri while pregnant with Mariela for our 2nd anniversary. We did 3 days in Old San Juan at the Caribe Hilton before our cruise and it was A-MAZING. We almost didn't want to leave the hotel to get on the cruise it was so nice. I napped everyday we were there in a hammock hung from the trees in the shade overlooking the ocean at the hotel. It was nice and relaxing and we enjoyed it much more than the cruise (thanks to TS Erica). We can't wait to go back there one day.

My FFC isn't really a confession but more of a vent. I hate the area I work in right now. The politics suck all because of one debbie downer on our team. Seriously, it's like high school and my boss expects us all to be BFFs and sing kumbaya by the fire together- Um, no. I'll be professional, but that's it. She even kind of threatened me about the fact I want to go into mgmt and how I'm not a team player. Say what?! I say hello, good morning, and good night and we work fine together when needed. I have no issues with anyone else on my team or my floor for that matter and it's not like this debbie downer and I are at each other's throats. I just chose not to gossip with her as mgrs shouldn't be involved with gossip anyway.

Then there's of course the whole outsourcing decision leaning over all of our heads. They are moving the team that is making the outsourcing decisions from our floor to another floor this weekend and I have to pack up my crap b/c they are putting in an office on the other side of the wall from me for the new people moving in. The good thing is I'll have a higher side wall on my cube, but so help me God if that office has a speaker phone that is used for constant meetings, I may lose it. This area isn't private and a lot of the times managers aren't considerate that there are others around and don't keep the volume down while having conference calls. Oh and all of these moves are happening during quarter close and our busiest days at work. Oh and my boss and my boss's boss are both out on vacation. At month end. On the quarter. Yet, we get evil stares if we try to take time off on the quarter. Granted my boss is out for a funeral in CA for a week, but her boss being out, too?! OHHH, and their boss (our floor VP) worked from home today and took a half day! I just really want to stick it out until we have our next little one and see what happens with all the changes they are making. If I'm still around and changes are good, great. If not. Buh-bye.

jaimebeth9 · June 2011

I really need a vacation.

I know we're spending a ton of money on the front porch, and I'm really glad about it, but I still need to get away from here for a few days and decompress.

I'm going to push for at least a little getaway before Pat's fall semester starts.

lizlarry · June 2011

Larry has a guys camping weekend this weekend. He has been doing it for the past like 3 or 4 years with some friends. No big deal we knew it was coming. May not be the best use of money right now, but he deserves it. Well, the weather is awful right now.

The guys want to change it to a condo or house somewhere that one of their families own or rent a condo. I am sorry but if you are trying this hard to find a place to "party" for 2 days that is annoying. Reschedule the camping trip, but I don't really want to pay for DH to stay at a house and party for the weekend. Especially since one of the towns they are looking at has great bars....which would mean even more money.

jenndawnp · June 2011

A lot of the things JT does or doesn't do have been really bothering me lately and I've expressed my feelings on the issues and it doesn't seem to be doing a lot of good. It really makes me wonder if we're going to make it because I really can't live the way we are for much longer. I've told him I won't tolerate this for much longer. It makes me sad that he doesn't take this seriously. I love him but I am not going to be his maid for the rest of his life and work full time, I'm exhausted.

This leads to another confession, I want to go cry in the bathroom now, I haven't said this outloud to anyone but JT.

lizlarry · June 2011

jenndawnp:

A lot of the things JT does or doesn't do have been really bothering me lately and I've expressed my feelings on the issues and it doesn't seem to be doing a lot of good. It really makes me wonder if we're going to make it because I really can't live the way we are for much longer. I've told him I won't tolerate this for much longer. It makes me sad that he doesn't take this seriously. I love him but I am not going to be his maid for the rest of his life and work full time, I'm exhausted.

This leads to another confession, I want to go cry in the bathroom now, I haven't said this outloud to anyone but JT.

Jenn I am so sorry to hear this! I hope JT starts listening. I truly think sometimes people start to take advantage of what they have going for them and don't appreciate it when they should. Sounds like he needs a big dose of reality and I hope it hits him soon! ((hugs))

abvernon · June 2011

We are boarding our cats while we go on vacation next week. I am trying to get over this fear that they will not like it. Plus, we had some friends take care of them the last time and she admitted she did not come over every day to feed them. WTF?! The cats need to be fed every day.

Good thing, they will be in a place where they can roam around and there is a/c which we do not have at our apartment. Brian said he is willing to spend the money, so it is ok.

This past week has been bad but today has been looking up for me so I am looking forward to this weekend!

jaimebeth9 · June 2011

Oh, and I still can't stand my new assistant. I try to be nice, but I just want to smack her.

This morning I had to tell her to stop whining. I hate whiners.

andreay82 · June 2011

jenndawnp:

A lot of the things JT does or doesn't do have been really bothering me lately and I've expressed my feelings on the issues and it doesn't seem to be doing a lot of good. It really makes me wonder if we're going to make it because I really can't live the way we are for much longer. I've told him I won't tolerate this for much longer. It makes me sad that he doesn't take this seriously. I love him but I am not going to be his maid for the rest of his life and work full time, I'm exhausted.

This leads to another confession, I want to go cry in the bathroom now, I haven't said this outloud to anyone but JT.

I'm so sorry Jenn, I get so angry FOR you when you talk about how much you clean up after him. Does he really not take it to heart when you tell him that he needs to contribute too?

Not to be "that girl on the boards" to do this, but do you think some couseling might help him see the light a little?

My FFC, I really do not want to go to DH's family reunion this weekend. I'm tired of traveling and missing out on gorgeous CO summertime weather and hiking. And last weekend at home I was catching up on cleaning/laundry/house projects all weekend. I just wish some of this $$ we spent on traveling to see family was spent on me seeing MY family and not always DH's family. He'll happily support it when we're going to KS, but if I mention going to see my sis in Cali, he's all "Well it's way too expensive for us both to go" Yeah, I can go on my own, I don't really care if you want to go. Ha-rumpf. Such is life.

marytini · June 2011

Brian and I are have been super judgy of a "friend" recently. She is his assistant manager and is a nice person but just has different priorities and at the risk of sounding snooty she just isn't intelligent. We sometimes feel like we are just friends with her and her dh bc we don't have anyone else. Sounds terrible I know. Anyhoo she and her dh were recently struggling with finances so brian lent them some money on the condition they cut their excess spending (eating out etc). Which they have been doing. But all she ever does when she is at work is count down till her next day off. And then in the next sentence she'll complain about how they don't have enough money. Yesterday she went so far as to say "I feel like we are being punished for having kids." I'm flabbergasted. She took a week of vacation while she was pregnant to sit at home and do nothing when she could have saved it for maternity leave. How dare she blame her kids for their money problems when they chose to have kids but didn't plan for the finances. Argh!

jenndawnp · June 2011

I honestly don't know what his problem is, I think he thinks I'm not serious. I will say he did vacuum over the weekend while I was gone and cleaned the bathroom but that's one in like forever.

I'm open to the idea of conseling because I think we need a impartial 3rd party to tell him he's being an a hole.

Last night I gave him crap because he put his returnable bottles on the kitchen counter, like he walked by the closest where the bottle return bag is and put in the kitchen instead, I asked him why he did this and he said because I'm a d*ck and laughes.

I'm just at the end of my rope and I know I've dug my own grave on the issue too because I just got frustrated and do the cleaning, errands, chores and take care of our pets.

marytini · June 2011

jenndawnp:
I honestly don't know what his problem is, I think he thinks I'm not serious. I will say he did vacuum over the weekend while I was gone and cleaned the bathroom but that's one in like forever.

I'm open to the idea of conseling because I think we need a impartial 3rd party to tell him he's being an a hole.

Last night I gave him crap because he put his returnable bottles on the kitchen counter, like he walked by the closest where the bottle return bag is and put in the kitchen instead, I asked him why he did this and he said because I'm a d*ck and laughes.

I'm just at the end of my rope and I know I've dug my own grave on the issue too because I just got frustrated and do the cleaning, errands, chores and take care of our pets.

Brian will do things like that too. He'll set his clean clothes on the dresser and leave them there for a week when he could have just as easily opened the dang drawer and actually put them away. But he is receptive to me asking him t put things away and he does help out around the house. When I cook he cleans and vice versa. He starts most of the laundry just never finishes it! I think counseling might be a good idea. Might at least open his eyes a bit to his behaviors. Question will be if he is willing to change or compromise.

NineTwentyOhEight · June 2011

jenndawnp:
I honestly don't know what his problem is, I think he thinks I'm not serious. I will say he did vacuum over the weekend while I was gone and cleaned the bathroom but that's one in like forever.

I'm open to the idea of conseling because I think we need a impartial 3rd party to tell him he's being an a hole.

Last night I gave him crap because he put his returnable bottles on the kitchen counter, like he walked by the closest where the bottle return bag is and put in the kitchen instead, I asked him why he did this and he said because I'm a d*ck and laughes.

I'm just at the end of my rope and I know I've dug my own grave on the issue too because I just got frustrated and do the cleaning, errands, chores and take care of our pets.

I think some men are just oblivious to mess. K will do anything I ask, but I've learned that I do have to ask. I sometimes feel like it's not fair that I should have to ask, that he should know to do these things, but I realize that it's just not where his head is at. His mother trained him well to do whatever you ask him to around the house, but you do have to ask.

I also decided to change my mess threshold. I used to have to have things picked up all the time. Now, I designate one day as "pick up your piles of crap" day each week and I make him go through his things. Otherwise I feel like I'm always picking up after him or nagging him to do it. This way we both compromised a bit.

What happens if you just stop picking up after him for a bit? Will he get sick of his own filth and see what you do? Will that make him appreciate you more? If I had to put money on it I'd bet his mother did everything for him and never made him lift a finger. I think what pi$$es me off on your behalf is that it seems like you work a lot more hours than JT and he just goes home and makes messes/plays video games and THAT is not fair. If K worked less than me our situation would be different. We leave at the same time but I often am home an hour or even two earlier, and he works after dinner more (usually while I do dishes) and sometimes in the morning before we leave he is on the phone with India. So I figure I can do more at home b/c he simply works more hours and I don't feel that it's fair for me to sit on my butt while he does all the housework too! Anyway, that's just my opinion.

I don't think counseling ever hurt anyone.

jenndawnp · June 2011

Claire, you're right his mother is the one to blame, she did a lot for him, she was a house wife and even now my FIL works more hours than she does and he does the majority of the cleaning and cooking.

I wouldn't mind doing the cleaning if I worked less hours than him but for the most part he is home hours before I am every day. He leaves 20 minutes earlier than I do.

I've tried not picking up after him, I've tried tell him what to do or giving him a job to do every week. I don't clean up his man cave for him and he does take care of that. I know I need to be more vocal about making him to things because I feel like I shouldn't have to ask, he thinks if I don't say anything there's nothing to be done.

At the end of the day I do feel like he takes advantage and I've said this and he always says no. I guess my biggest issue is he feels that if he disagress with how I feel he's not in the wrong but I can't change how I feel and it's not a matter of right or wrong. I'm just really tired of this being an issue.

NineTwentyOhEight · June 2011

jenndawnp:
Claire, you're right his mother is the one to blame, she did a lot for him, she was a house wife and even now my FIL works more hours than she does and he does the majority of the cleaning and cooking.

I wouldn't mind doing the cleaning if I worked less hours than him but for the most part he is home hours before I am every day. He leaves 20 minutes earlier than I do.

I've tried not picking up after him, I've tried tell him what to do or giving him a job to do every week. I don't clean up his man cave for him and he does take care of that. I know I need to be more vocal about making him to things because I feel like I shouldn't have to ask, he thinks if I don't say anything there's nothing to be done.

At the end of the day I do feel like he takes advantage and I've said this and he always says no. I guess my biggest issue is he feels that if he disagress with how I feel he's not in the wrong but I can't change how I feel and it's not a matter of right or wrong. I'm just really tired of this being an issue.

I think we would all agree that most men feel this way about most things and most women think otherwise. this has got to be one of those classic men are from mars/women are from venus things.

If you know this about him, then you know you have to speak up. Is it fair that you should have to tell him what to do all the time? No. I think if you guys can come to an agreement where you'll tell him when he needs to do stuff and he'll just DO it without complaints that could be a good step in the right direction.

Boys are just like this sometimes.

Mrs. Megan · June 2011

I'm ready to go off on just about everybody in my family. I've been trying really hard not to b**ch/vent about the situation with Wade, because I know I brought it on myself by leaving. I also know that my family adored him. However, a little support from MY family would be nice. Instead, I can never see my brother and SIL because they're always hanging out with Wade. My parents are having him over for breakfast next weekend after he runs a race near their house. The final straw: my sister asked us to be the God Parents of my niece who will arrive in November. This was before we separated. I told her soon after I moved out that we were no longer together, and that I understood if she didn't want me to be the baby's God Mother if she wanted the God Parents to be a couple. She said no, absolutely not, that she would never change her mind on that and that her and my BIL would ask somebody else to be the God Father. Yesterday, my mom calls me and asks if I've talked to my sister yet, to which I told her no. Mom tells me that my sister and BIL have been emailing Wade back and forth and decided/told him that they still want him to be the God Father!

WTF???!!! How is that acceptable?! I'm leaving him, why would I want my family to create reasons for him to be a permanent fixture in my life?

My sister still hasn't told me of this decision, and I'm hurt by that, too. She could have at least asked me how I felt about it beforehand. I understand that it's her baby, but he's my STBXH.

Mrs. Megan · June 2011

jenndawnp:

A lot of the things JT does or doesn't do have been really bothering me lately and I've expressed my feelings on the issues and it doesn't seem to be doing a lot of good. It really makes me wonder if we're going to make it because I really can't live the way we are for much longer. I've told him I won't tolerate this for much longer. It makes me sad that he doesn't take this seriously. I love him but I am not going to be his maid for the rest of his life and work full time, I'm exhausted.

This leads to another confession, I want to go cry in the bathroom now, I haven't said this outloud to anyone but JT.

I have been there, Jenn Sad W helped around the house and with the animals, but emotionally I felt like he wasn't really there. I had a roommate, not a husband. You can only take so much. I hope JT comes around. ::hugs::

andreay82 · June 2011

jenndawnp:

I wouldn't mind doing the cleaning if I worked less hours than him but for the most part he is home hours before I am every day. He leaves 20 minutes earlier than I do.

I would absolutely not stand for that. DH is home an hour or so before me most days, he does dishes, cleans up around the house, folds laundry, works on the yard etc... on about 75% of those days. The other 25% he is literally exhausted because he worked a 12 hour day and was moving 5 gal buckets of paint all day, or is doing work from home still.

When it is the other way around and I happen to beat him home, I do stuff around the house. We still have our issues like him leaving dirty laundry all over, or not putting in in the hamper but putting it next to the hamper, but I've chosen not to pick that battle on a regular basis.

Is there any cleaning thing he "excels" at? DH loves to vacuum, so he's our resident vacuumer, he also hates detail cleaning in the bathrooms, but for some reason doesn't mind toilets, so we split bathroom cleaning like that. He hates unloading the dishwasher bc I'm particular about how dishes/tupperware/cookware is put away, but he's a great loader and doesn't mind hand-washing (we split this 50/50 pretty much).

Can you figure out what he's willing to do (at a reasonable level of effort) and then compromise on some things?

mainezilla · June 2011

My FFC: I had drinks with an old boyfriend 2 weeks ago and I didn't tell dh. There was nothing inappropriate or anything but I just Didn't feel like explaining why we met up, we had fun and it was nice to catch up, I felt guilty when I got back to the hotel as I didnt feel like listening to dh that I didn't need to go out etc....My friend saw I was in town from a post on fb and messaged me. Jen- this is why I hired a cleaning lady as I was sick of fighting about it. I would do something drastic to show jt how serious you are.

xojo1 · June 2011

jaimebeth9:
I really need a vacation.
I know we're spending a ton of money on the front porch, and I'm really glad about it, but I still need to get away from here for a few days and decompress.
I'm going to push for at least a little getaway before Pat's fall semester starts.

DO IT! With the craziness that is your work, you totally deserve and good vacation.

Kasi80 · June 2011

mainezilla:
My FFC: I had drinks with an old boyfriend 2 weeks ago and I didn't tell dh. There was nothing inappropriate or anything but I just Didn't feel like explaining why we met up, we had fun and it was nice to catch up, I felt guilty when I got back to the hotel as I didnt feel like listening to dh that I didn't need to go out etc....My friend saw I was in town from a post on fb and messaged me. Jen- this is why I hired a cleaning lady as I was sick of fighting about it. I would do something drastic to show jt how serious you are.

I did this too a few weeks ago too.

FFFC?

Re: FFFC?

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