Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Any Other Two Person Families?
I was wondering if there were any other couples who were childfree. Tell me your experiences with telling your parents, in-laws, and other extended family members that you were childfree, or how you and your spouse came to your decision to keep your family at a limit of two or two + pets.
Re: Any Other Two Person Families?
We are a two person family. Not by my choice, but by husbands decision. It's a long story, but children where never a deal breaker for me and although I would love to have 2 LO running around, at 34 going on 35, I am not about to leave DH in order to find someone that is willing to have kids because I love him too much.
I think by now, we have been together for 8 years and married for 7, people know not to ask or discuss it with us. They see how demanding my job is and know that my job and education was important to me. The in-laws call themselves grandparents to our "kids" (pets) and the only people I have issues with is my BF who wants to be an "aunt" in the worse way. I had planned if we were ever asked the why question to refer that person to my husband since it was ultimately his decision.
H and I are just two (+ 2 furry kids). My immediate family never brings it up or "pressures" us. I have an aunt with small children who constantly makes remarks, jokes and "suggestions" and I ignore her. She is a nosy busybody who married a jacka$$ and just butts into everyones business and constantly makes rudes remarks to (and about) everyone, so I figure her comments just stem from her own misery.
IL's never ask or comment- though MIL and I dont like each other and have no relationship and she probably realizes me providing her grandchildren would be of no benefit to her because she'd barely see them and certainly never watch them. Most people are actually supportive when we say we'll probably never have kids and say if they knew how hard it was to have kids, they probably never would have.
It's no one's business but you and your DH/SO if you decide not to have children. You don't have to explain your decision or tell anyone anything.
Why do you feel like you have to explain your decision?
I have children, but my BFF of 37 years is a dog mommy. And I have to say that growing up we always knew that it would be this way. And I am happy for her that she is happy and fulfilled and vice versa.
As far as how she dealt with it, I'm sure that her mother knew at some point and didn't really bug her about it, but I know because our moms are friends, that she has really had to mourn the loss of grandchildren since she loves children and BFF is an only child. Her IL's may have said something at some point, but she was so sure of her decision that it is no longer an issue at all. And her IL's have other grandchildren.
I know that she told me that before she married her DH, she asked him time and time again to make sure he didn't want children because she knew that being married meant a life with them and dogs. And they have been married about 14 years.
We didn't have a conversation about being childfree with anyone except each other. This isn't something that needs to be told. This is our business and nobody else was involved or told about our decision.
Of course, it isn't a secret that we won't be having kids. This is how conversations usually go with people: "do you have kids?" Nope. "Are you going to have kids?" Nope. End of conversation.
Neither of us really had intersest in having kids.
We're childfree with 2 pets. His parents, when they found out our status, they were snarky with comments such as "then why BOTHER getting married?" My parents have known about my childfree decision and they still choose to pretend that I'm just waiting for the "right" moment to pop out grandchildren.
My aunt...oh man. She's childfree herself but yet she keeps insisting that I have at least 2 children. She has given me herbal tea that strengthens the reproductive system. She has tried bullying me over the phone. I don't understand her. I think it's her own issues of not having children.
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We are.
I don't think anyone in the family was under the impression that we had kids, so it's not like we had to announce that we had none or anything like that. When people ask when, though, we do let them know that we don't plan to have any at all.
We got married later (first marriage for both) and while we probably could have had kids with a little medical intervention it wasn't that important to me. I love kids, and we live in a great community to raise kids but it just wasn't in the cards. It was more important to me to wait to find the right relationship than to get married earlier just to have a child.
So it's just the 2 of us and 3 furbabies.We are a 2 person family + 2 cats. My husband has Bipolar disorder and we feel that having kids with his illness would just be too much. Also Bipolar has a genetic factor, and we don't want to see someone we created go through what my husband suffers with.
My family is ok with it they never pressure us about it. His family does a little but they know where we stand.
We would both like to have a child, but it's not in the cards for us.
My DH and I doubt we'll have children. We have very set ideas about things that would have to happen for that to work with our lives, and don't feel it's fair to have a child if we couldn't be happy.
My family is fine, and very far away. My in-laws can't really accept it.
H and I are a two person (plus three cats) family. We don't want kids, neither of us has ever wanted kids, and both of us have siblings who have married and have kids (me: sister+husband+2 and 1 on the way; brother+wife+3 kids. H: brother+wife+2 kids. H's sister and her husband are also childless by choice (I think)) so we joke around that the genetics and the name will continue and we're really enjoying being a couple.
Also, I have a belief that if you're not totally in love with the idea of being a parent, for god's sake don't be one! Kids are hard enough (I've heard) and I think you have to be really passionate and enthused about raising a child to do a good job.
My dad is fine with it (married after mom died) and my MIL - well, when we announced our engagement, one of the first things I said to her was that I hope she wasn't expecting more grandchildren from me, and she accepted it wonderfully. I think, too, that since I'm older (41 at marriage, now 43) they didn't really expect it. So that helped (the being older part, I mean).
DH and I are childfree. There are a lot of reasons, but what it really boils down to is that we don't want kids. We used to get a lot of crap from family members, but we've both been diagnosed with some medical stuff in the past few years, so people kind of stopped asking. Strangers/acquaintances will bring it up on occasion, and I usually get the "you'll change your minds" speech since we're young, but whatever. DH got a vasectomy done last week, so changing our minds would be very expensive.
Probably because people ask, even though it's really none of their business. My DH and I are on the fence about kids, but it's been kind of shocking to me how nosy people are. If I say no, I feel like I always get, "Oh, but why not? You'd make such a great mom!" or "Well, you still have time to decide." If I say yes, it's,"When?" or "Enjoy your time being married first!" It's a no-win situation, and SO annoying.
I was always taught not to ask questions like that, because you really don't know if someone is healthy, can have kids, is trying with no luck, etc. It's such a personal decision, and that question is so invasive.
I've always found that comment of enjoying married time first to be interesting.......as if to say "Enjoy it now cuz once you have kids, being married sucks...." ????