Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
no sex in the... well in any room :(
hey everyone... i think i have a kind of unique no-sex problem that i would love some advice for. my husband and i are newlyweds... about 8 months. now the sex had always been decent but very minimal in the years leading up to marriage but we always both assumed the problem was more timing (we both lived with parents and he was in school far away, etc.). Once we escaped all of those things it has become obvious that the problem is us. Now... we as a couple are a 10/10 in every other category. that is what throws me off. we communicate really well, he is my best friend. he gives me backrubs after work, i cook him beautiful dinners. we dont fight... everything is awesome. we even communicate well about not having sex.. it is like every 2 months or so we talk about "our problem" with big aspirations of fixing it and then... nothing. so the problem. i think he might be intimidated by me. he just wont initiate anything and when he does it feels so contrived and fake. now if i initiate then it is good and it looses him up and the sex is great. part of a turn on for me is my husband being a strong and powerful man though... so always being the dominant person is kinda not the funnest. plus i am a full time (night shift) nurse so yea... i am tired sometimes too. it is to the point where unless i get everything set up, and then do all the work we do not have sex. period. i have never been in a relationship like this. i know it isnt me. and i have asked him if he has had this issue before and he said no but his exes were "more aggressive" than me... hmph. im doing the best i can but im not a one woman show haha. i think he might have issues too becuase when he was younger he use to dabble in... chemicals... read between the lines... and thats when he had all his relationships and i'm wondering if he doesn't really know how to be himself in bed... all i know is that this is bringing me down. there is more to life than sex, but it is important. i use to love the "lovin" in my previous relationships and now i don't have that. anybody have some advice?? please 
Re: no sex in the... well in any room :(
I don't know if it's the same, but we sometimes have a problem when sex seems forced (like we haven't done it for a while and even though we're not really in the mood H will try to start things (less because he wants to, more because he doesn't want to disappoint me..and that's when it feels contrived, because it is contrived.)) I'm wondering if this is kind of what your H is doing. If he feels like "okay I need to do it this amount of times and for her to be happy, so instead of just relaxing and jumping you when he feels it he's forcing it a little even though the timing is not right for you.
and then when you dominate (as with me) H is all good to go (he's not stressed about pleasing me, not stressed about initiating. It's already happening and he didn't need to think or worry about it.
maybe this isn't it at all, but if it is, what helped us was just planning some nights during the week or weekend that's just about us, we don't HAVE to have sex, but it gives more of an opportunity (instead of trying to fit it in between work/the gym/dinner...) we'll have a bath together, we'll just sit and relax with a glass of wine and chat, we'll cuddle under a blanket...usually one of us will put the moves on....or maybe you'll have to just tell him how HE can start things up with you, maybe he's unsure about what you like.
Well, I had an issue like that. With us it comes and goes but some times being subtle can help too. You want him to initiate right? I know this sounds cheesy but try some lingerie. Not just come to the door with it on but I am talking about wearing it while cooking or cleaning the home. Make sure to wear some pumps. Try to play coy if need be. Make sure that when you do the subtle seducing that you have him begging to rip your clothes off you.
In my situation, I would so a sexy stroll in the apartment with nothing more than some sexy stilettos on. He made sure he got an eye-full before racing me to the bedroom.
The semi-annual sale is going on now at Vickie's. Try going there and finding something and begin the seduction! Good luck!
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I question your judgement/reactions.
Um, please ignore the gay response. Sheesh.
To be honest, I could have written this post myself! DH and I have always had a wonderful relationship. We laugh a lot, have great convos, rarely/never fight and communicate about EVERYTHING. Sex, though is not frequent. Maybe 2 or 3 times a week at the most.
It's not never, but it's not a lot either. It bugs us both.
He's such a nice/sensitive guy that he can read me to a tee. The problem with that is if he picks up on ANY negative mood (tired, cranky, upset), he won't make a move. The problem on my side is I HATE making the first move.
I think the solution is him learning to not be so sensitive, and go for it even when I'm not the most receptive. It's also me making the move a few more times, and trying not to send off negative signals.
Does it mean we're in trouble? NOPE! I think we're great about communicating about it, we're not putting pressure on the other person, and we're both taking responsibility for it. It make never be perfect, but we both have a great attitude about making it better and working on it.
Sometimes setting the right expectations can significantly improve your happiness. I think there's this illusion that a great sex life means you're having mind-blowing sex multiple times a day. Give me a break! We live in the real world with real schedules, real mood swings and real stresses. I think a great sex life means you're having it on a regular basis and you get into the mind-blowing category a couple times a month. That's my definition anyway!