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My IL's - my head just hit the desk.... they kill me.
This is primarily a vent. My IL's are habitually late. it annoys both DH and I to no end. We've found ways to combat it over the years. We don't really go out to eat w/ them anymore, for example. We always just have them come over to our house where the timing doesn't matter quite as much (I've sat in a restaurant w/ my family for over an hour before waiting for my IL's....).
They always talk about wanting to see DS more often. I have a million examples of how this just goes wrong. We tell them a time based on when we know DS will be up and will be at his best and basically when their time w/ him can be maximized.
W/o fail, they show up really late and then a majority of the time, they want to bring lunch and then spend a huge chunk of their time sitting there eating instead of interacting w/ DS. My DH will even say "Why don't you come over at 12:30? We can eat and DS will probably wake up by 1:30 and you can spend some time w/ him.". They'll show up at 2 instead and then sit there and eat until 3 and then leave at 4.
But... whatever. We do all we can do to make him as available as possible.
They are coming up today. DH tells them 1:30 or 2. DS will probably be getting up about then. When do they show up? 12:45. yes. 45 minutes EARLY!!! DS just went down for his nap at 12:30.
I asked DH if they at least brought lunch. Guess what? NO! Of course not. Not this time.
I don't even know what to say! They just do not listen or take into account what it is that DH and I tell them and how they can best use their time w/ DS. Knowing MIL, by 2:30 or 3 she'll be ready to go home. They'll be lucky (again) to get maybe an hour w/ DS.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Re: My IL's - my head just hit the desk.... they kill me.
This would drive me absolutely insane!
I don't think I'd have the patience to wait for them when it comes to dinners/lunches. I think I'd let them know "Come on over at 1:00 and then we'll be eating at 1:30"..not there by 2 then I'd eat without them.
But the time with their grandkid, sucks that they're not a little more considerate when it at least comes to him.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I have relatives like this and I agree, it is so frustrating! Whenever we plan family events, they're always several hours late and with food involved, it never worked out. My parents finally got to the point where we just go ahead and eat, and they can dig it out later and reheat it if they want. Too bad for them!
I will say though, one thing we started doing that seems to work some of the time is to tell them the wrong time to come. For example, if we want them there at 2:30, we'll tell them 12:30 knowing they're always at least a few hours late. It doesn't always work, and one time they actually showed up at the time we said and then were upset no one was coming for two more hours. It might be worth a try though instead of continuing to drive yourselves nuts. Sometimes you just gotta work with who they are. Hang in there though, it is SOOOOO annoying!
I'm so sorry you're going through that. It's similar with my SIL and her H - they're always at least half an hour late, if not more, and it's very frustrating. Of course we don't have a child for them to visit, so the priorities are different, but to me, being late sends the message: "I think I'm the most important person ever so everyone else can wait for me!" My aunt does it to my dad all the time and he just gave up waiting for her to show up to dinner, etc on time.
Can you guys just not open the door if they're late? Or meet them at the door and say something like, "we were supposed to meet at time X; it's too late now. Raincheck?" in a polite manner? By letting them in and accepting their lateness constantly, you're teaching them that it's okay for them to be late, and that you'll always accept that. Teach an alternative lesson...
Good luck!
I've given myself permission to stop teaching grownass adults to not be late. First, because it doesn't work. Just. Doesn't. Work. Ever. And second, because its not my problem, it's their problem.
I do enjoy my life without accomodations to the late folks. I go ahead and eat in restaurants and have fun at places without looking at the door. I leave when I want, too without regard to 'making-up' their time due to lateness. And I REALLY don't wonder why people are sitting on their assses instead of interacting with DD when they gushed and gushed how much they miss her.
I've gotten to this place after alot of heartache and tears and quite frankly, it's lovely.
Their regular visits are usually once every 3 weeks when DH is off work during the week. This works wonderfully for me - I'm not there! Except for special occasions, I will not give them any of our time on the weekends. There is too much going on and I'm not going to waste any of my time waiting on them. Especially when their visits end up like yesterday:
they did end up wanting to eat lunch so they ordered pizza, which got there after DS was up. Then afterwards, FIL took a nap. Yup. His visit to see his grandson consisted of him eating and sleeping... He had woken up at 5 so he was tired.
DH was annoyed, but he was also like "I make DS available to them. I've done my part. It's up to them how they want to use that time.".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10