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sex in marriage
I need advice. Getting worried about my relationship. I have been married for 19.5 years now and have two kids. one 17 one 13. Do to recent medical problems and being out of work we had to downsize our home 1.25 years ago. we now sleep on a murphy bed in the living room giving our kids each there own bedroom.
My problem has started much earlier but is becoming more evident to me. We very rarely have sex anymore. In 2009 we had sex 5 in 2010 we had sex 4 times we have had sex 1 time so far this year. It may sound odd that i know how many times but when it is so infrequent you pay attention to these things. It is getting me very depressed. I love my wife very much and cant seem to keep my hands off of her, but she always has an excuse. Too tired, not feeling well, the kids are in the other room. You name it i have heard it. sometimes she will even lay groundwork early in the night so i wont ask later.
So now she joined a gym with her ( female ) boss and the local rescue squad. Both of which require alot of time. I know she loves me and she says how she wants sex but i think if you really want it you can make it happen
Should I be worried the the beginning of the end of our relationship has passed. and we are on borrowed time
Re: sex in marriage
thanks for your thoughts.
The illness is mine not hers. The kids are not always home (sleep overs, school, ect) she doesnt go to work till 10 am. so there is some consistant alone time available.
finances are tight but we are not broke. She just got back from a 7 day cruise with my daughter. i had not seen her for 9 days. and she acts like she never left. I have suggested a hotel room, even the overnight trip to atlantic city in the passed i get a no. After just asking/begging and getting nowhere I have even offereed cash or something special she might want for a quick bj or handy. i always get a NO. the more i sit her and think of things i think she wants nothing to do with me sexually unless she has to. once we were lying in bed cuddling and i got aroused. i asked for some help with it and was told to do myself.
increasingly more depressed!
You've got to be kidding me. You are an idiot.
You say you have tried many times to initiate sex and she constantly turns you down. You also mention she is spending much more time with her rescue squad and her boss, who is female. Is it possible she could be having an affair?
I think you need to sit down with her, alone, and talk about this. Do not be judgmental or harsh, tell her how you feel about your non-exsistent sex life. Explain to her that you miss the intimacy. If she is evasive about it or acts all defensive, then you may have to get point-blank and ask her if there is someone else. Be prepared for this to have an affirmative answer, because from your description, it may likely be. I hope not, but it is better than not knowing.
Something is funky here.
She has either decided the sex department is closed to you or she is having an affair.
You need to sit down with her --- do not take no for an answer --- and have an uninterrupted, very long talk about what's happening between you and her. She owes it to you to cooperate; she is supposed to be a team with you.
If you have made it clear that she needs to ante up sexually and she still refuses to work on it, I suggest that you consider separating and looking elsewhere for a very nice woman who wants the same things you do sexually.
She seems to be all talk and no action. She's more or less promised to do what she can but she still hasn't come through; all you've gotten is lip service.
I would make it emphatically clear to her that no sex between you and her = bye bye marriage. If she gives a sh!t about you at all she'll make sure she does her part. GL.
THe kids sharing a room is an excellent suggestion. If one's a boy and the other one's a girl, there's still a way each can have privacy. Divide the room with a partition of some type.
And I am sure the oldest will be off to college soon so the younger kid will pretty much have the room to him or herself at that point.
That wasn't very nice. He probably meant it joking around.
Okay...
This is going to sound totally odd but I can't help myself...
Do you think it could have something to do with the way you look or smell? I'm sorry to have to ask but are you clean, well-shaven and so on? Are you well-groomed?
Have you tried being romantic... like getting her a nice bouquet of flowers or taking her to her favorite restaurant... Try to get her attention somehow...
I mean these are pertty basic but have you considered that there might be something wrong on your end?
Good luck...
Does anyone else feel like maybe they read this in a bad erotic story? I'm pretty sure in the story I'm thinking of, the wife and her female boss and the whole female rescue squad end up doing each other in the locker room at the gym.
I have to agree with most of this. Judging from what you posted, it sounds like you only ever approach her to fulfill your needs. Have you tried asking her what she wants? She could possibly want some romance, and that may entail more than just opening her legs for you or giving you oral.
Perhaps if you worked harder to fulfill her needs, she would be more willing to satisfy yours.
Have you discussed this whole issue with her? You two need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart. If she just does not want to have sex anymore, you deserve to know; but if she is open to it, you need to find out what she needs to be satisfied.
Who cares if he was joking it was still a douche thing to do. a comment like that deserves and idiot remark!
or in the back of the ambulance!
I agree, if you have not tried being romantic (which girls usually appreciate), than I would do that first. There's this book I read about different types of love languages, and the whole point is that some people feel that they are being given affection only if you give it to them in a way they understand. So maybe your wife only feels affection which affirmative words, or quality time, or physical (NOT sexual, but holding hands, back rubs etc), or tasks (maybe she feels you are being affectionate if you help around the house, fold laundry, cook dinner).
The book was very interesting and inciteful; It's called the 5 love languages by gary chapman i believe
I completely agree. Make those kids share a bedroom! Put each other first!
Indeed, great book! I would recommend it as well.
I would also like to point out that too many people jumped right to affair and get rid of her. Women are delicate and need time. It seems like maybe you're rushing her during sex/intimate time. On the same line, I don't understand at all why you sacrificed your privacy so your children can have their own rooms. You are the parents. You need a space all your own. Kids can share a room with a divider (which was mentioned, bravo!) if they're opposite genders. Seriously, get slow and romantic with her and move the kids around. Put your foot down and make it happen. Be sweet and firm. As in, act like a gentleman and be there for your wife.