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Pornography PSA/Food for Thought
Hi Ladies,
I was lurking here earlier today...I sadly lost my daughter last month (she was born on May 4 at 20 weeks and buried on May 14). Needless to say, I am in need of a distraction, and found this board today in search of some lighter reading.
One thing I noticed after reading a number of posts is that the use of pornography is receiving a much greater acceptance among women and men than I had even realized. I wanted to share an excerpt from a letter I recently wrote to a magazine editor about an article they published. This is in no way intended to be lecture-y at all, but it is to present the truth of the industry and hopefully raise awareness on this important topic. Pornography is sadly ruining so many lives on all sides of the issue.
I am not trying to start a debate on this, but rather just to share some info that you all may not have been aware of. In any case, I wish you all the best in your relationships.
Here is the excerpt, there are also some links below with more info.
"The author of this article clearly seeks to normalize pornography as something harmless that all men do. This could not be further from the truth on either account. I volunteer a significant amount of time in the fight to end human trafficking. Pornography plays a huge part in that evil. When someone is watching pornography on the internet, there is often times no way to know if you are watching someone who is being raped or not. Furthermore, there is often no way to know if you are watching a child or an adult. This is much more common than you might realize.
Even in situations where the stars are "legit", the stories of women who have come out of the industry are heartbreaking. Most were drug addicted (often to get them to do it to begin with), hopeless and abused (many early in childhood and then again on "set"). The reality of porn is a far cry from the "hot women who love sex" fantasy that this mutli-billion industry would have people believe. Watching desperate people exploit themselves and/or be exploited while hooked on drugs and (often times) being abused in some way should not be considered sexy in any world.
In addition to those who are victimized through this ?industry?, the lives of young boys and adult men (as well as girls and women) are regularly ruined as a result of devastating addictions to pornography. This creates a vicious cycle that continues to demand more (and more hardcore) sexual imagery, leading to more and more victims. This is not harmless male (or female) entertainment."
Links:
http://www.thepinkcross.org/pinkcross_articles http://www.sharedhope.org/thedefenders/WhatWeDo.aspxWe lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011 at 20 weeks. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
Re: Pornography PSA/Food for Thought
I'm very sorry about your daughter! I cannot even imagine how painful that is.
This is an interesting topic you bring up. I'm glad there is an awareness of this!
Thank you. It has been a very challenging month. However, I am a Christian and that has made all the difference in the world. I have a post on September 2011 moms on The Bump from earlier today (2am-ish early) with more details if you care to read it. I appreciate your kind words.
And yes, this is not the side of porn that most people are familiar with, which is why I try to bring it up when there is an open door as I think it is so important.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011 at 20 weeks. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
First, let me say I very sorry for your loss.
2nd, unless you (used as a very general statement) are/were industry or otherwise connected (social work etc) and thus an expert on it, you should not be writing articles on it. Yes, it has a dark side to it. So does the food industry but it's ok to be cruel to animals because we are going to eat them right? Yes, it is sad. Those that claim that they did not know there is a dark side, are blind to everything that is wrong in the world. I mean really in what person's right mind thinks that the porn is a loving caring industry? But the reality is it's not going any where because it is such big money for the large companies ( one the biggest supportors of porn is the hotel industry).
Hi,
Thanks for your comments. Just to clarify - I did not write an article, I wrote a letter to an editor of a magazine in which an article appeared.
Second, the resources I linked to at the end of the article are from experts and can give you the real picture if you care to review them.
Third, if more people were aware of the realities of pornography, I would hope that would change some behavior. I am really not sure how someone could enjoy watching pornography once you know that a) it is possible that all are not willing participants and b) even "legit" "actors" are in all likelyhood drug-addicted and being abused in some way or have been abused in some way.
Fourth, even if my previous two points were not the case (which they are) - pornography can and often does lead to addiction which does lead to serious sexual and relationship problems.
It is absolutely an issue worth fighting in our culture, in any culture. It ruins lives, period. Believe me, as a volunteer in the world of human trafficking, I am well aware that it is an uphill battle, but so are most of the most pressing issues in our world today.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011 at 20 weeks. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
This is extremely interesting and I am definitely going to look at the websites you posted. I have been interested in the feminist/humanistic view on porn for a while and I think this is where I will start my research.
A question for you, if there were a way to know that the people in porn videos were working consensually and not abused, etc. how would you feel about that? (I understand that this is kind of like the "blood diamond" vs. "conflict free" diamond issue - how would you ever really know what's going on. I'm just wondering what you think about that, for the sake of conversation)
Hi Kelly - thank you for your post.
I think that while the scenario you bring up would eliminate some of the problems with the industry that are highlighted in those links (and many other places), it would not eliminate the problem of addiction. The addiction component will be there regardless of the willingness of the "actors" to participate. That, sadly is ruining lives of individuals, marriages and can have a detrimental effect on young men and women's views of sex.
So, from that standpoint, I would have to say that I would still not be in favor of it.
This is a great resource for help with addiction in this area (also has some general info on this issue): http://www.xxxchurch.com/
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011 at 20 weeks. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
Since you are interested in this area, have you run across any academic articles/studies on pornography addiction? Your post got me thinking, and I'm not finding much, just sites such as what you linked above.
I have already stated my opinions on this so I won't go into it again. Suffice to say, I find it revolting that people are able to watch this garbage knowing that the participants are possibly being raped and are highly likely to have been abused or drug addicted - or many times, both.
This is why our world is full of the most vulnerable being subjected to horrific things that no one should have to experience - because regular people care more about "getting theirs" than protecting them. It's sick.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011 at 20 weeks. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
Thank you for posting this. The effect of pornography on the people who consume it greatly concerns me, not to mention the horrors that go along with producing it.
Based on articles on this site, it seems that many young people and newly weds (I happen to be both) see pornography as a way to "spice up" their sex life or as "an outlet for variety". These motives seem innocent or even healthy, but in the long run, they very often have adverse effects.
It would be nice if The Nest would present more balanced articles on pornography.
Thanks for posting. I have to say, everything you said aside, I think porn is disgusting because to me, it's infidelity. My husband and I promised to be faithful to each other only, and we both feel that watching porn is being unfaithful. You're watching/thinking about another person than your spouse. Who's to say that won't change his perception of you? Make you less attractive, less competent, and much more like an object in his eyes? And makes him a slave to his most basic appetites. I have a hard time considering someone who watches porn to be a morally upright person of integrity and clear thinking and values.
We want to grow in all ways, including sexually, together and exclusively. Just food for thought.
Some porn companies are more reputable than others. I'm pretty sure that Playboy and most of the porn on HBO only employ consenting adults.
I love porn, and I'm not ashamed of it. I can usually tell if porn is bad, or if something is weird in it.
I agree with OP, but from an academia standpoint. I have studied not only the far reaching implications of pornography, but also the psychological effects.
From my research (30+ academic journals and studies) pornography is far from harmless. The industry fuels sex trafficking around the world, it is highly addictive and can have detrimental effects to your intimate relationships. It can seem harmless, but it has significant risks.