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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
God Parent Question
My bestfriend / self proclaimed sister is having her first in October and I really would love my DH & I to be the God parents. I feel I (and DH) deserve to be because we are the most stable people in her life. Is it wrong for me to ask about it?
When (or if) did you ask the god parents of your children? Did anyone offer to be the God parents? What would you do if someone has approached you about it?
I feel stupid for even asking this but I'm very torn on the subject. Thanks to anyone who answers.
Re: God Parent Question
I don't feel it is appropriate to ask. It is a personal decision made by the parents, and I would be offended if a friend/family member inquired about being my child's godparents. It's not something you offer to do, it's something the parents choose you for.
We asked DS' godparents when he was a few weeks old and it was not a popular decision with a couple of my family members. I was ticked that anyone was questioning our choices.
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I agree. Not appropriate to ask.
I would feel awkward if someone asked me if they could be it. Especially since we have strict rules on who is "qualified" (Catholicism). I wanted my sister to be a Godmother, but since she wasn't married in a Catholic church, she wasn't "allowed" (we already had the "non Catholic" God parent picked out). If she came up to me, I would have to decline her - and that would make me feel weird. I already had to do a little explaining to her b/c I didn't want her to think I didn't think about her.
I would say that is their decision. You can still be there for the child, even if you aren't the official Godparent - and that is more important than the title, IMO. I have a Godmother and Godfather and I can't tell you when the last time I talked to the was. I would rather have someone that "acts" as one then is titled as one.
She may feel obligated to use family members - so I wouldn't push - would just make her feel worse.
(BTW - I don't consider the "godparents" the ones that take over the baby if something happens to the parents. We have separate people as potential caretakers and godparents. Are you worried that the "appointed" godparents would not be able to take care of the kids? or act as a good godparent?)
Her family is not overly religious, nor is my family. but we attend church occasionally. Ive always looked out for her, been the motherly one, and she always came to me for advice. We have a very sisterly connection. Thus is why I think it should be us. Then again she has another couple friend, that is not involved in church, and believes God is a science fiction character. I feel that she may choose them, versus my DH & I, based on the fact that they are back home in AZ, and she has known them for a few years more. & I dont think that is proper grounds for choosing a God parent.Basically, I just wanted to let her know that I would drop anything to be there for him, and God forbid something happened to them.
Maybe I'm to emotionally invested. Lol.
This. To my knowledge, godparents are for helping the child in their spiritual journey, and is separate than the person you choose to be the legal guardian of the child, should something happen to you. Of course the godparents can also be the legal guardians, but they don't have to be.
That being said, I agree with everyone that it is inappropriate to ask (to be either godparent OR legal guardian). It MIGHT be okay to tell your friend that you are open to it, but that you respect that it's their decision and understand if they choose someone else. But even that could be awkward for her...
I agree with all of this.
We had Godparents picked out very early in my pregnancy and I would have felt really awkward if someone (that wasn't chosen) had asked me about it.
Maybe you can approach it this way: Ask her when the baptism/christening is and make it known that you would love to be involved to help her with that and/or plan to come out to it. This will show that you are really interested in this part of his life, and might really give you an "edge" if she is still deciding. That way you aren't "bringing it up" directly, but you are showing your interest.
My sister-in-law asked me who would be Evan's legal guardian (which is separate from God parents) before he was born. She assumed we hadn't thought about it. When I told her we picked my parents she looked like I had slapped her in the face. Later she sent a long email to DH saying why she and her DH would be a good choice and that we made assumptions that weren't true.
Well, actually she made assumptions. The d@mn truth was that I just don't want her to raise my child. And with that thought (and knowing my parents will be too old at some point to take DS) I will have to live if just out of spite.
This is a very personal and complicated decision for parents to make. I would never ask them/tell them why you are qualifed. I would let them make their decision and be there for them as you can.
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BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10
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Even if they pick the other couple in AZ, it's their decision to make. I would have been more than put off if someone told me I shouldn't choose so and so, I should choose them instead.
Like CareBear said, even if you're not "chosen" you can still be there for the kiddo. The title isn't what matters.
I wouldn't even come close to bringing it up with her.
Collin Thayne 10.11.2010
If she doesn't go to church regularly, is she a member of a church? Most churches require a parent to become a member and take classes or meet with the pastor before they'll baptize your kid. Do you know if she has any intention of doing those things? What if she doesn't?
I feel all sorts of embarrassed for your SIL! How mortified must you have to be have gotten that email.
DH was asked the day the baby was born for his godson.
I have no idea when he asked his best friend to be C's godfather. I'm also not sure when I asked my sister, but it was probably around the time C was born.
I agree with the other - it would be highly inappropriate for YOU to ask the parents. We put quite a bit of thought into who would be C's godparents. It was a personal decision for us.
do you know if she is even going to have god parents? I am a christian but its not a normal thing in our families/churches so we dont have them.
I wouldnt bring it up at all. Its one thing to tell her how excited you are for her and that you feel like you are having a niece/nephew and that you want her to know that you are there for her and her children no matter what (maybe even write that in a nice card congratulating her on the pregnancy, with a baby gift, etc). But that's it.
I was LIVID! DH wouldn't let me see the email. His sister is an attorney and she wrote the email like e legal document. Since she sent it the day before we were meeting with her for her birthday (weirdo) we dropped it and didn't even acknowledge it. I think DH addressed it with her later.
Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10
TTC #2 since Dec 2011
BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12
I agree with PP. I would NOT do this at all or even bring up anything. It is the parents choice alone who they want to be godparents. We just had our son baptized in May and we had a ll kind of crazy things happen with people getting all bent out of shape b/c they where not chosen.
My mom's husband who we are not very fond of tried to ask or imply if he could be a godparent to L. That was a definite WTH moment for sure.