September 2008 Weddings
Planning bio My DIY blog The Maine Bio
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
BC related
Has anyone had an affair/relationship/fling with a married person or while you yourself were married?
I have.
Planning bio My DIY blog The Maine Bio
Re: BC related
I have not. I honestly don't think I could do it knowingly (meaning, if I didn't know the guy was married and I were single, it could happen).
s/o question: Have you ever dated a friend's ex or an ex's friend?
I have not.
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no to Jaime's question. I would never do that while married myself and I could never knowingly do it with a guy I knew was married/engaged/dating/etc
Jo's question - technically Tim dated a friend of mine before we started dating, but it was only for a couple of months and she was actually one of the people who really wanted us to get together.
When I was single I had a one night stand with a guy I found out the next day was married. He never told me and I knew it was a one-time deal. But I felt bad to be "that" girl...though I don't know that I can take responsibility for it realistically.
I don't think I could cheat...I am a bad liar. I don't think if I were single I could be with someone who was really unavailable but I also know that until you've walked a mile in those shoes, it's hard to know what you really would in the moment/situation.
ETA, obv I also love my husband and could not imagine cheating on him/doing that to him.
It's not something I'm proud of.
Jo's question - I have not dated a friend's ex or an ex's friend. Depending on the situation I can see where it would happen though.
Planning bio My DIY blog The Maine Bio
2012 Reading Challenge
I have not dated anyone who was married, nor would I knowingly. Not because it made me a bad person (because, whatever, I'm (theoretically) single), but because the person I was dating would be a scumbag...once a cheater, always a cheater (well, usually).
Re Jo's question, yes. My college gf briefly dated one of my then good friends before we started dating. By briefly, I mean like a month and then we started dating pretty much immediately. Needless to say, the following 4 or 5 semesters were awkward (we played for the same team so it wasn't like we ceased to hang out. i mean we did but we saw each other ALL the time). I hadn't seen said friend in 7 yrs until this summer when we both were on staff for the U23 team. It was surprisingly less awkward than I anticipated, even sharing a bed.
To Jamie's question no. If I knew that other person was married I couldn't do it. I would never want to be that girl. Could I ever cheat on Jeff? No. He means way too much to me and I have way too much respect for him. If I weren't happy in my marriage and weren't in love with him I would end it before I ever started dating.
S/O I did cheat on a boyfriend once. I regretted it but found myself justifying it because I knew he had done the same and I was dumb and forgave him. So no I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater. People make mistakes.
And to Jo's question I didn't technically date either of them but more FWB with 2 friends. (Not at the same time of course)
Yes to both questions. I've lived quite a bit and done a lot in my 31 years.
First off, I was cheating up until the day I got married and so was he (although I didn't know for sure, I had my suspicions.) I made a mistake by marrying in the first place. Dumb on my part. Not ready at 19 to be married and I knew it.
For the first question, we were both married. It was a short-lived thing. He (P) was married and already had a young child. He was ready to be out out of his marriage and I had just started mine. In fact I thought maybe Suri was his child when I found out I was pregnant. He isn't the dad and it's very obvious. I can't even begin to tell you the terror I felt the entire 9 months not knowing who the dad was. I was a very carefree 19 and 20 year old back then and didn't think much of my actions. I just kind of went around thinking I was invincible.
After I called it quits with him (after the pregnancy thing) I felt guilty the rest of my marriage until I found out my ex was cheating the whole time on me! I left V (ex) eventually but when we got back together to give our marriage another try I found it just wasn't working and it was kind of a cheat fest after that.
I still keep in touch with P. We were both single at around the same time (we both got divorced) but I wasn't ready for anything yet. In fact I had lunch with him a month or so ago. We're both married again (him to his ex-wife) and he knows I won't cheat on Andrew. After all these years we're just friends but if we were to ever find ourselves single again (he's considering another divorce) then I can see maybe a match there.
The second question. Like I mentioned before, I was very carefree in my youth...and selfish. I didn't date my friend's exes...I did worse. And it was one time things both times (2 different friends). Once when I was in HS and another when I was 19. Do I feel guilty? Yes. I am friends with one still and the other, we went our seperate ways. Both friends tried to stay friends with me but my guilt ate me up so much that I stayed away. It's the past and there's nothing I can do now to change my actions. All I can do now is learn from it and become a better person.
I have come a long long way from those days. I promise I am nothing like that now. I'm telling you my life was pretty wild back in the day.
CRAFTY ME
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I've never dated a married man-- but several of my exes tried to hook up with me when they were in serious relationships. Not kosher in my book. OH-- once an ex and I were catching up (we were still friends), and he decided to dump his college girlfriend after we graduated... we hooked up and then next day, he drove across the country and got back together with her. They are now married and I am officially the "other woman". I don't know if she knows... but I'm curious as hell.
I've dated friends exes.... the ex before DH had been hooking up (not sure the extent) with my BFF and then we dated for about a year. I dated his best friend very briefly before that. That group of friends was very incestuous and I am more than happy to have moved on from that (they've basically all shared girlfriends with each other at soem point. So awful).