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WWYD- ILs
My ILs are horrible with money. DH doesn't fall far from the tree which we're working on remedying. He owes his folks for various things, some of which are legit and some of which I don't think are so much but that isn't really the point. ILs are on the verge of declaring bankruptcy because of their poor decisions. Neither of them will take on an additional job for income and they refuse to cut back any expenses (cable should have been the first "luxury" item to go for instance). They want DH to make regular payments they can count on which I think is totally fair of them to ask and I have no problem with. The problem that I do have is that I take issue with the money going to support their poor choices. It bothers DH greatly too now that he's seen the financial light so to speak (it hit home for him when I told him we'd never be able to use his income to get credit for a new house or car because his credit was so horrible).
Can we propose something like, we'll give you the $ in grocery cards to use for food (rather than cable, or to get another dog, etc.), we'll pay one of the utility bills etc., or should we just "mind our own business" and what they spend it on is up to them? I'm so torn. I want to help DH make good on his debt but I also do NOT support their thought process about how money gets spent.
Re: WWYD- ILs
Just pay them with checks and mind your own business. Yes, it sucks, but, he did borrow the money.
The only way I can see you getting around this is if they lent him the money by directly paying his bills for him. If that's the case, then you can propose paying certain bills directly for them; however, it probably won't fly. I would not suggest offering to pay them back in grocery cards--that's really crappy regardless of the bad choices they make.
After talking it over with DH last night, DH is going to give them the choice of us paying their elec. bill each month so they know it is paid up or paying them outright in cash (they can't cash a check because they're overdrawn at the bank and are currently cashing their paychecks at a check cashing business who of course takes a percentage. Bills get paid via money order. Yeah, it is that bad). I am finding that in order to be "OK" with their expenditures, I need to change my thinking about it. The second the money leaves our hands, it is "theirs" and whatever they do with it is up to them. Sucks totally - but if I don't think of it that way, I'll go crazy. Obviously, DH and I love and care about them and want to make sure their basic needs are met by helping them cover the necessities but it is entirely up to them to decide how to spend their money and we'll be fine with whatever they decide.
DH now sees that he needs to be meticulous about keeping record of what he paid them and when it happens due to the lack of a paper trail with the cash payments. Obviously his parents are not good at tracking their income and neither DH or I trusts them to keep record of the outstanding balance or not trying to come back for more claiming that he never paid them.
Regardless, once DH's balance is paid up, they won't get another cent unfortunately. It would be one thing if they had their house destroyed by a natural disaster, or they became horribly ill. This situation is entirely of their own making and they're grown ups who need to figure it out themselves. They sure as heck aren't going to be moving into our house if they lose theirs! If they ask for money after the balance is paid, DH and I will offer to pay for a financial planner for them but that is going to be it.
MY BLOG!
Does the amount he owes them surpass the amount they are overdrawn? Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if he wrote them personal checks that they had to deposit into their bank account. Eventually, they will have to pay that, too, along with any other fees they're accruing on it (which is probably a lot less than the total money they're losing at check cashing facilities). Also, losing electricity could be a good thing--they'd be without cable and might realize what their situation really looks like.