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I need some friendship advice...
Okay ladies, I need some of your advice... I'll try to make this as short as possible.
I have a friend who I have been friends with since HS. We lived across the street from each other and she was one of my best friends. We both went to the same local college and took classes together, had the same circle of friends, etc. After we graduated, I moved out of state and of course our friendship wasn't as strong but we kept in touch every other week or so. We were both bridesmaids in each others weddings, I went to her baby shower, baby's first b-day party, etc. In the last few years since my wedding, she has had some marital issues and we haven't talked as much as I would have liked. She pushed me away and only in the last year has she attempted to make contact again. She has explained her issues, apologized and I thought we could move on from there. We have played phone tag/email tag for the last 6-7 months and I don't feel as if she has made as much of an attempt to revive our friendship as I have. I've emailed and left phone messages but have not heard back from her. At what point do I just stop trying? I feel very bad but at this point, I don't really feel like we are friends anymore. I don't really know what's going on in her life and she doesn't really know the details of mine. Do I just let a 20 year friendship fade away? Any advice?
Re: I need some friendship advice...
miscarriage on 11/26/09 at 5w6d
I agree. Sometimes though friendships just drift apart no matter what you do to keep them going. I've had it happen a few times.
Thanks, this is the direction I was leaning towards. It sucks but I agree that sometimes friendships just drift apart.
I think you've done your part, you can just let it go now and don't have to be dramatic about it.
If she wants to contact you, she will and you can bring up this behavior then or just let it go. I go through long periods w/ some friends where we don't talk, but then something big happens and we need each other and we reconnect and its not like anyone holds a grudge or something. We got busy and our day to day activities/interests/kids/husbands, etc. needed to come first.
Oh trust me, I am in no way being dramatic about it. LOL. I'll probably just let it go with the phone calls/emails I've already left. If she wants to contact me then she will.
Do you have kids???
I recently read this blog and it really it home to me... I have a BFF from college who lives in CA and I now live in NJ. It's just hard to KIT now.... its not that I don't want to, its just hard. I can't have a phone conversation when my child is around cause all she wants to do is play and we are going through a bad sleeping phase. Not saying this is the case, but just putting it out there.
http://jasongood.net/365/2011/06/day-166-to-all-my-friends-without-children/
No I don't have kids and I understand that kids/work, etc. takes up alot of time. I also have several other friends who do have kids and I've had no issues keeping in touch with them. I'm not asking her to call me every week, but an email or call once or twice a month would be nice. Thanks for the info though.
I am in a very similar situation Snowhite. I grew up next to sisters, who were my BFF's for over 20 years. I spent every holiday with their family. Spent the night at their house evey weekend. We vacationed together. They truely are like my sisters. But then, they got married young, and I didn't. We started to grow apart a bit. They each had a small herd of children, and I didn't (and won't be procreating). I totally 100% that the relationships would change-no more impromptu trips to the mall, or bars all night (and who wants to do that at my age anyway?). No more regular girls weekends. BUT, instead of changing they became almost completely non-existent. We now see each other a few times a year, funerals, baby showers, bridal showers and the like. I get that I don't have kids. But FFS, does that mean I am not worthy of your friendship? I love all of their kids. I have fun when I go over and hang out (like once a year), but I am never invited, and I know a huge part of that is bc I don't have kids. I have known them 27 years, almost my entire life. I love them, and will always love them. I will always be here for them, and I send out the occasional email to let them know I am thinking of them, but it is never reciprocated (i mean they will sometimes answer, but not always). It hurts so much to see your friendships change. It is really sad, and heartbreaking to feel like your oldest friends are slipping away.
And while I don't completely disagree with that article, I do understand that these things happen, and life's events alter friendships, i think it is terribly sad to use kids or marriage as an excuse to let go of those people who love you and support you, and have for decades.