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Toddler HELP! Refusing to eat, waking up, omgwtf!
Ok, here's the situation...
Our DD is 2.5 years old and all sorts of stubborn. She's always been a good eater though, at least up until 3 months ago. Ever since, she's started to eat barely anything at dinner, throwing fits and refusing to eat what we put in front of her, asking for things then refusing them once we've made them for her... etc. This goes on for a good hour or so before she ends up eating something small (a little applesauce, a chicken nugget or two or PBJ, some milk) and then it's time for bed.
That's where the real "fun" starts. She's waking up at 3am, starving and full of energy. We wake up with her, get her something to eat, then spend the next hour trying to get her back to sleep. We have to wake up at 7am to get to daycare, so it's becoming a terrible cycle.
We've tried:
Sitting her at the table, no tv on, waiting it out until she'll eat
Switching up foods and letting her choose between multiple dinner options
Taking her out for more playtime to get her hungry so she'll eat before bed/bath
HELP! Anyone have some sage wisdom to share? We're going nuts here.
TIA 
Re: Toddler HELP! Refusing to eat, waking up, omgwtf!
If the 3 am waking is routine, you might want to try a sleep clinic. Kids generally are supposed to be sleeping through the night at that age.
If her weight is okay for her height she's probably okay -- try your ped for some type of vitamins if you're worried she's not getting the right nutrients or enough food.
I'd set a time limit at the dinner table. Serve dinner with at least one food on her plate that you think she will eat. Everyone eats dinner. What she eats she eats, what she doesn't she doesn't. Make dinner 15 minutes. No more.
Offer her some milk or similar before bed.
When she wakes up at 3am, she goes back to bed. 100X if necessary. Under no circumstances is food to be offered. Supernanny her tush back to bed without saying a word. Lights out.
Add more protien to her diet throughout the day if possible.
There is no way in hell you should be giving her any food at 3 am. 3 am is sleep time and she needs to know this. You are making it worse by doing so. She will not starve to death if she doesnt eat at 3 am. You are teaching her this is a great time for a snack.
When she gets up you put her back 10000xs if you have to. No, talking no hugging no food.
She eats at dinner what you make and if she eats you can give her a snack before bed(very light)
It's not unusual for children to have a reduced appetite at that age. It about crushed me when my really good eater stopped eating dinner at about 2 1/2 - 3, so you're right on target. I found out that the important thing is to look at the nutrition for the whole day. She was getting an excellent lunch, so I left dinner to be the yogurt or milk that she chose. I did make sure that her afternoon snack was a healthy option. I was in the habit of giving her a snack at pick-up at about 5 pm. She was hungry. It used to be crackers or something snacky. Then I switched to make sure to pack a fruit, cheese, ham, even cold pasta. That way, if she didn't eat dinner, I felt like I gave her something nutritious at a hungry time.
I also figured it was a bit of toddler negativity. And her growing sense of independence. So, I tried hard not to fall into the "battle" trap. If she didn't want it, I didn't give it much energy. The only energy was positive - like "Look dad, DD's a good carrot eater" in the few moments she bit a carrot. The only "trick" that really worked was when she refused food, I would say "Good more for me. Feed mommy." She got a huge kick out of that. She loved feeding me a bite and then quickly turned the tables and said "mine" and ate it for herself.
Ditto the others; STOP FEEDING HER AT 3 a.m. You're teaching her that SHE determines when and what she eats--it's a bad thing. I would pay no attention to what she does or doesn't eat at dinner--by making a fuss over it, you're giving her attention, and kids continue to do what gives them attention. Do not make special meals or foods for her; she gets a regular dinner. If she doesn't eat, she doesn't eat.
When she gets up and is hungry, tell her that we don't eat in the middle of the night and she'll have to wait until morning. As the others said, no hugs, no nothing, just put her butt back into bed. You will have a couple of sleepless nights (good thing it's a holiday weekend) because her behavior will escalate for a while as she attempts to get what she wants. DO NOT GIVE IN, no matter how tired you are. You and your DH may have to switch up with one of you sleeping elsewhere in the house to avoid being awakened.
I repeat: DO NOT GIVE IN TO HER, NO MATTER HOW MUCH SHE SCREAMS. She will not starve to death, she will suffer no permanent harm. If you give in, however, you risk turning your kid into a spoiled, demanding brat.
She's got you guys dancing. Ditto the others. Tell her that it is sleeping time, not eating time. Then keep putting her back in bed if she gets out.
For dinner, make what you would normally make. On her plate, add some yogurt (not fat free). It's got some fat, some protein and some carbs, and depending on the kind, some fruit, so even if she eats nothing else, she will have something in her tummy. Put the plate in front of her and act like you don't care what she eats. She does need to sit at the table with the family for dinner. If she eats, praise her for taking some bites. If not, remind her that she might be hungry later and how about a couple bites of yogurt? If she says no, then fine. She goes to bed. Rinse and repeat until she gets it. My son did. Eventually we were able to nonchalantly encourage him to eat other things on his plate and now, at 3.5, we have a one-bite rule that he understands and obeys.
I agree with PP-- you definitely should not be giving her 3am feedings. Those should end in infancy.
I promise you, she will not starve and she will not be harmed if she goes a couple of nights with no dinner and no 3 am snack; in fact, once she learns that dinner is all she gets until breakfast the next day, she might eat a little more at dinner.
Remember - YOU are the parent here, start acting like it. No more short order cook, at any time of day/night. Nightime is for sleeping.
When did the 2 yo become the Authority Figure in your household?
First - your child will not starve herself to death if she does not eat dinner. Heck she wont starve herself if she goes weeks no eating dinner. And if she goes on a hunger strick at every meal...she will eventually eat because her cognitive stage doesnt really allow her to choose a hunger strike to make her point.
Second, picky eating like this is a 50/50 shot between a kid who just doesnt like anythingn and a kid who is trying to gain the power in the family. Either way, you have to work to expand your child's food repertoire.
My SS came to us as an 11 yo picky eater. I refused to have my kitchen become a diner OR to have an 11 messing around whilly nilly.
So this is what we did with him and now do with our 2.5 year old.
1) Every meal has a main course, a side (pasta, rice or potatoes) and a veggie. I always make sure that one of the sides or veggies meets the Pickey Eater's taste buds.
I plate up each dish with three bites (age apporpriate sizes) worth of the main course, side and veggie. To get seconds of any of the sides or veggies, the other two dishes must be eaten in full. Now, my DD will KILL for brussel sprouts (seriously, not kidding), so she will scarf down everythign else on her plate to get more. So I use BS judicously.
2) And if the PD does not want to eat what is on the plate, then he/she is done for the evening. Nothing else, except for MILK, till morning. Now, if my PE doesnt finish the meal, I will usually give them milk with carnation instant breakfast (it has protien which will tide them over JUST enough to keep them from waking up in the middle of the night, but not enough to stop the learning lesson).
3) I strive to have my PEs help me plan and cook the dinners. I have never turned down a request for a specific meal, but will still enforce rules 1and 2 if they get all picky at dinner time.
4) for my Older PE, I used a sort of bribery. We went out to eat at a variety of ethnic restaurants, because DH and I love to eat ethnic food. He was not only allowed, but encouraged to choose anything off of the ADULT menu (other than lobster).
However, he had to eat a serving the size of a playing card OR the next time he would have to eat off of the kids menu.
Also, he was never allowed to eat the same thing he has tried before. So if he liked Panang Curry the first time, he would have to choose from Pad Thai or Pad Kee Mao the next time.
After 30 days, we had a kid with a damn fine palate, whose favorite meal todate is true Hungarian Goulash.
5) We have a timer on dinner. After 30 minutes we are all done. Mainly because I have too much to do and I am not going to play games when I could be getting my evening stuff done.
As I said, I use these basic rules with my Monkey and we have only had a couple real PE incidents (vs just not really being hungary). She learned pretty quick that this is a fight that Mommy is not ENGAGING in, therefore she wont WIN AT.
there are 2 separate issues here:
- as everyone has said, stop the 3 AM feeding. it will be painful, but it will be short-term pain.
- it's ok if she doesn't eat much at all for dinner. DD has been doing the same thing. if she's hungry, she will eat. what time does she go to bed? perhaps keep her up 30-45 min later and see if she gets a "second wind" and asks for food. but truly, DD eats well throughout the day and often times doesn't really want much for dinner.
GL!
As the pps have said, you have to let your DD stop running the show. No 3AM meals. No making new meals if she doesn't like what you've put in front of her.
Trust me...I'm the mom of a picky almost 5 year old who regularly asks for something, then changes her mind between then and when it gets served. No way to I make her something else or allow her to skip dinner in favor of a midnight snack. Like my DD, yours won't waste away to nothing if she misses a few meals. It might be difficult in your house for a few nights while you reinforce the behavior, but you'd be surprised how fast things may change. My DD will still refuse dinner often, but now knows that 1) she isn't getting a new meal so it's that or nothing, and 2) I mean it when I hustle her back to bed if she gets up hungry because she chose not to eat.
THIS. This is our 2 1/2 year old and this is the perfect advice. If you're worried about nutrition, we started buying pediasure and giving her the chocolate or strawberry nutrition drinks as a snack ONLY. Do NOT give it to her with dinner or in lieu of dinner... but as a snack it's great- she gets her vitamins, fills her up a bit. Good luck!