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Blah blah sex frequency question blah blah
Not to sound like a broken record - just seeking some opinions here.?
I moved in with my bf recently. We've been dating 8 months. I relocated to a new city and am in search of a job so we've been under a little stress but otherwise everything is really working well.
?The concern/question I have has to do with sex, or lack of sex. Obviously when we were first dating we had sex a few times per day as I was about a 2 hour drive away from him at the time and we'd only see each other on the weekends. Clearly once you move in with someone that is going to change, I know this. We have sex about 2 times per week now, and I wish that it was more often actually. When he gets home from work he's really tired, and wants to relax. I want to strip him down and push him into bed. He is not really responsive when I am "all over him" when he gets home. He's not mean about it, but he kind of laughs it off and grabs a beer. Now, once he unwinds and it's almost bedtime we usually have sex then. Which is fine.
?But, is it unfair of me to feel kind of slightly rejected because of the way he acts towards me when he is home and clearly not in sex mode. I have brought this up to him a few times, gently and just honestly wondering - not accusing him of anything, or being whiny. Kind of like wondering if I need to change something about what I am saying/doing, or if it's a lack of attraction..
He says no and he also says that the more emphasis I put on this -as he calls it- "non-issue" the more the actual act of sex feels like an expectation which then places some pressure on him which then makes the magic and?spontaneity of the whole thing go to sh!t.
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I just want some opinions - I am not saying this to belittle him or imply that he is a horrible lover, he is the complete opposite. He is amazing, and when we do have sex it's mind blowing. But is it too much to want more sex??
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Thanks!?
Re: Blah blah sex frequency question blah blah
YOu'll have to discuss this with him, outside of the bedroom.
Tell him how hot he is and how you want to have more sex.
He should be able to comply with your wishes.
How about you do things like jump into the shower with him...or invite him in with you? Or set up a nice bath with some wine, candles, some snacks and some music you both like? How could he resist?
?Its definitely gone through my mind to do some of these things, but he is usually always the initiator, and I think I am scared to be flat-out rejected! :-/?
Try it -- what hav eyou got to lose?
What guy's gonna turn down a naked, wanton woman in the seductive and sensual play of candles and bathtub steam?
You just have to make him an offer he can't refuse!
Sometimes it's hard to be in the mood after a long day at work. It sounds like he might feel like you put a lot of pressure on him when you're "all over him" How about something more subtle? Lightly stoke his leg and kiss his neck while watching tv? More suggestive...?
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Bottom line is that men don't like to feel pressured for sex and everything you do feels like pressure so.. you may have to start scheduling sex so to speak. Have one or two nights a week be "tv free". Just tell him you thought it might be nice to have some quiet time without distraction.
Have a nice dinner, talk about your days, talk about soft issues to keep the stress level down.
As he's helping you with clean-up touch him on the arm or the back, thank him for helping you out and tell him you appreciate him. Give him a sweet, long kiss then see if it goes anywhere.
Thanks everyone - Last night I turned all the lights off, lit candles & waited for him to walk in the door, and I was naked with only knee high socks on (his favorite - haha)... it worked. Better than I would ever have imagined. I am going to start being more adventurous (maybe once a month do something over the top for him)... that way he doesn't feel like I am nagging him when he gets home and wants to drink a beer and relax.
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Can you talk to him (outide of a sexual situation) about how often he would like to have sex and what you could both do to shake yourselves out of the "rut"?
Sometimes when BF and I spend the day or a few hours doing something fun and/or relaxing, it helps our sex life. Even something as simple as going for a walk or going out to get ice cream after work might help you.
My relationship is kind of the opposite in this area. Mean roles reversed.
IMO the transition from work mode to home life is normal and probably not going to change. I would not take offense to it at all and give him 30 minutes minimum.
I don't know if you have already heard of the Five Love Languages... It's from the movie "Fireproof" which I loved. Also, our preacher used the theories in our pre-numptial counseling. Anyway, his "language" might be different than yours. While you feel or express love physically, he might need to hear that you appreciate him working all day or helping around the house, or want some quite time with you that has nothing to do with your sexual needs. If you look it up I'm sure it makes a lot more sense than I can. The whole point that I'm trying to get at is if you can figure out what would make him happier (more relaxed) in addition to the alone time to transition, he will be more inclined or even excited to please you. It sounds like you have been open so I'm sure he knows how to do that
I don't know y'all but I hope you don't question his love simply because of that. I love my husband immensely and still I get irritated with what can feel like constant sexual advances.
Sorry I just rambled my head of, but wish you the best!