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co-worker ettiquette
married PNW ladies, i need your advice.
my office has typical happy hours where all who want go out for drinks together and some end up staying our really late drinking. we've hired a whole lot of new people so we've been going out a lot to acquaint with all the new people. i've been with the company for a month now. there is a single guy co-worker that helped me out in a stressful situation my second day of work. he is also the one that organizes the happy hours. he's a few years older than me and been with the company for a few years. after my first happy hour he emails "Would you like to grab a drink next week? Not a typical happy hour, just a get-out-of-the-office type of thing? depending on your schedule." trying not to think much of it since i've clearly mentioned DH around him SEVERAL times, i agreed to go to get to know him, about the office, get advice on the area since we just moved here, etc. beforehand I thought he was gay so i didn't think much of it. i told DH about it that night and though he's not the jealous type, he kept joking about it being a date. of course that made it awkward (at least before the drinks came). turns out he?s not gay and made an extra effort this week when planning tonight?s group happy hour to try a place for beer or cocktails since he knows that?s what I like. now the latest is he?s asked me out for lunch next week.
Is this just me freaking out? I?m from the south and there most people don?t go out with someone of the opposite sex alone due to the rumor mill. Tell me what you think, is it wrong for a single guy co-worker to ask a female married new co-worker out for drinks or lunch or coffee, just the 2 of them or am i overanalyzing? I am an uptight Bible-belt Christian who just doesn?t put herself in situations that could make her falter (not that I would I just know how uncomfortable it has made DH and I respect him too much to jeopardize his trust).
we?ll see how said co-worker acts in a group setting at tonight?s happy hour. He is flirtatious with me which makes me feel like a need to have a conversation with him about only hanging out with crowds or on the weekend when DH can tag along.
March 2011 moved to WA from Charleston, SC
live in Mill Creek, work in Seattle, DH works in Mt Vernon
Re: co-worker ettiquette
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this.
March 2011 moved to WA from Charleston, SC
live in Mill Creek, work in Seattle, DH works in Mt Vernon
I'm totally with Jennlin on this one. It's not inherently inappropriate, and I go out for things with guy friends one-on-one without hesitation... but those're people who're already friends of mine, and most of those are friends with my husband, too. Random male coworker asking me for some non-work one-on-one time for social reasons would make me feel awkward.
Tbh, I'd make a point of either asking other people along/asking who else he planned to invite, or mentioning my husband a lot, or, if you can do it in just the right tone, being like, "You know, I totally thought you were gay!"
He might just be one of those flirtatious people who doesn't think about it, or he may be interested in you and not realise that you're not "that kind of girl", as it were. Regardless, if you're not 100% comfortable alone with him... don't be alone with him.
I agree with Jennlin and Soralette. It may just be his personality, but your comfort level is the most important.
That being said, I definitely go on what could be considered "dates" for coffee/lunch with some of my male coworkers, but more than half the time others come along too.