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To elope or not ? :-/
Me and my boyfriend have been thinking about our future wedding. He is deployed now but comes home in a month!!!!!! 
. So as I said lol we were thinking about our wedding. I am really turned off by a large wedding because of all the planing and fuss and not to mention the money. The things I would miss would be a beautiful wedding dress, walking down the isle and all of our friends and family there. But we have been thinking about eloping recently it would save money and time (we are poor college students) we were thinking a nice honeymoon instead. I am wondering what you ladies & men (if there are any on here) think about it. I am very torn my mom and my sisters are all telling me to elope its easier and I will get what I want to do. But I am still unsure because I really want that wedding dress lol. I would appreciate any thoughts or advice. 
MK
Re: To elope or not ? :-/
You could wear a super cute tea length white dress to your JOP ceremony or you could just do immediate family in a church with a dress of your choice. Keep it intimate enough to have what you want. And if you get a nice dress at David's Bridal, it could be ready by the time your fiance gets home and you could still do something quickly.
You can have a super-small wedding with just your immediate families. You can wear any kind of dress you want and maybe just go out to a nice restaurant afterwards. Elopement doesn't always equal Vegas and no family present.
If I were you, I'd find a nice outdoor location, hire a JOP and invite your parents and siblings, then take everyone out for lunch or dinner afterwards. That way you can still feel justified wearing a pretty dress.
As for the wedding, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You could plan a very small wedding. You can wear a pretty dress, walk down a short aisle and celebrate with your closest family and friends. If it is kept small, you could have the ceremony and reception at someone's home. My parents hosted a family friend's wedding in their backyard.
FWIW, I think you are wise to either elope or to keep it small. The money we spent, well, my parents, could have gone into savings for a downpayment for a house--and our wedding was not extravagant. I loved our wedding, but in the end, it is just one day.
Also, my unsolicited advice would be to finish your degree before you get married. Allow yourself this time to get that done while you and your boyfriend adjust to his return. If your relationship is solid and working, waiting a bit will be just fine.
Our wedding only had 25 ppl and I wore a white dress. It didn't have a train, but was very much a wedding dress. I wore a jeweled headband I found on e-bay along with it.
I also agree with Smudges that you don't need to rush. It might be better to wait until you finish school and such, just to have a better footing financially on which to start your marriage.
I agree with the above advice, to have a small, intimate wedding. If that means just your immediate families and very close friends, that's great. A friend of mine, after getting engaged, wanted to have a JOP because they wanted to be married ASAP, but her mother wouldn't hear of it. Instead, they planned a traditional ceremony in San Diego about six weeks from when they got engaged (that way it was sure to stay small, as most people can't fly so far at such short notice). I think she wound up with about 30 people, which was big enough to feel like a "wedding" but small enough that it wasn't out of control or stressful. The plan was to have a bigger reception in their hometown later, but since she had the ceremony, reception, dress, etc. she just decided the reception no longer mattered to her. Anyway, I'm rambling. I do that sometimes! My point is, you can have a small, pretty casual, low-stress wedding, without having to forego the things you REALLY dream about! And if you have ANY reservations whatsoever about eloping jeans-n-tshirt style, my resounding advice is a big DON'T DO IT THEN.
On a side not, if you are still a student, make sure you are doing what you need to transfer to a school near him (if you do, in fact, plan to move). I also suggest waiting a few months after he gets home from deployment. Things can take a while to return to normal upon return, it's a big adjustment both for you and for him, and I generally think it's best to let the dust settle before making such a big move. I know it feels like you just can't stand to be away from him and you want to be married NOW, but sometimes I just don't see why the rush is necessary. But that's just me!
The best advice I can give you is do what you feel like doing because in the end all that matters are you and your soon-to-be husband.
Personally, I went through the same dilemma and what my husband and I decided to do was have a quick and small wedding. We found a cheap location and a pastor willing to marry us. I bought a dress from David's Bridal and my sisters were my bride's maids and we got their matching dresses at JCPenney. We decorated the location with white Christmas lights and went to Hobby Lobby for a few other odds and ends things. As for the guests, we called everyone and whoever could come came and whoever couldn't couldn't. We threw it together in 11 days total, though we had been semi-planning it before because we were already engaged and planning on getting married later before we decided the quick and small option. People were actually shocked and how well it turned out as it was so quick, but it CAN be done. I don't regret it AT ALL. Once I started planning the wedding, I realized that a big wedding just wasn't for me. And my husband and I decided that we could save the money that he would get for getting married. Only downside is that we only JUST started living together and we have been married for over 6 months now. (he was in school and I couldn't be with him)
GOOD LUCK WITH THE DECISION! I hope that helps a little.
The Dogs and Us
We wanted to go destination as well. However, we knew his mom couldn't afford to travel. We would've paid for her but then that would've caused drama with my side of the family about "why won't you pay for us?" blah blah blah. We still had a good wedding tho, minus my grandmom saying that we were going to be divorced in 6 months (that's another story).
Similar to us my parents would travel his wouldn't even if we offered to pay for it. They just didn't want to travel. We didn't think it was fair if my parents got to see our wedding and not his (though it was his own parents' fault for now being willing to travel even if we paid for them). I still had a blast at my wedding but all that money (thankfully my parents paid for it).
The Dogs and Us
ELOPE! I bought this book called "Let's Elope", and it ran through all your options in excruciating detail. The laws of foreign countries for destination weddings, small receptions, true elopements, how to handle family members, etc. I really recommend it.
I wanted to elope, DH did not, and he won because my mother also wanted a wedding so I gave in. DH wanted to get all his military friends together (he's 10 years in and they are scattered around the country), so that was his main motivation for the wedding. I got stuck with all the wedding planning because he was away at training for half of our short engagement. If I sound bitter, it's because I am! I hated being a bride. I hated making all the decisions and being stressed out trying to accommodate everyone's needs and pull it all together on a shoestring budget. I've heard that an engagement is supposed to be a happy time, but mine was not. I couldn't wait for it to be over. I can't say that I regret the wedding because I wasn't given much choice, but I resent the fact that I was strongarmed into it against my will and I lost my chance to have the wedding that I actually wanted.
It is such a source of unhappiness for me that we are taking a trip for our one-year anniversary and we're renewing our vows alone on a beach somewhere. Did I mention we couldn't afford both a wedding and a honeymoon?
Rant over. Consider elopement. Also, wait until he comes back for a bit and settles in, and wait until you finish college. Save up and go elope somewhere fantastic! Do it for me!
we did the vegas thing followed by a BIG vow renewal for our 5th anniversary. It was fun, but if you really think you want the dress and the "traditional" aspects I would wait. You cannot recreate those moments.
Why not wait about 6 months? You could get a FREE gown from brides across america http://www.bridesacrossamerica.com/ which would save you money, speak with your local church/reception hall. If you are in an area with a military base you can utilize the base facilities which are much more affordable.
Trust me... if you have a picture of the dress, the aisle and your FAMILY there you will want those things. If you were talking about the party or the cake or stupid stuff I'd tell you to JOP it, but you said you'd miss your family - wait!! take your time and have your BIG day (even if its only 30 people).
J
There are definitely different options. Whatever you choose as a couple really needs to be as inclusive of all of your "wants" as possible. You don't want to regret how things went and spend a long time wishing you had done it differently.
I understand money can be an issue. If you know what you want but now just isn't the right time to spend that kind of cash then perhaps you can postpone until you've saved up the money. Either way, I don't advocate large weddings/events unless that's what you both really want as a couple. (Some people do!)
Personally, we were married by a Justice of the Peace. We wore what we wanted and in attendance we had both sets of parents plus sister-in-law and her friend. After the ceremony we went home and changed and then went out to a nice lunch. Originally we had planned on having a reception later on but we've since decided that we don't want one and the money that would have paid for it turned into a large down-payment on my car.
I'm sorry if it feels like I'm intruding. But maybe I can help. My husband and I were in a similar situation just recently, he's in the AF so I can kinda relate to the long-distance. Anyway, we had originally planned to have a wedding and then because of family circumstances we were just gonna elope and have a honeymoon. (even though my mom had already bought me a wedding dress) two weeks before our set elopement date my parents decided to help us out. I was blessed with a pretty backyard, so we just did it out there on the carport. Basically all we had to do was rent a tent, chairs and some columns that we put ferns on. We got a two-tier cake from a local bakery and had a family friend make other things for the tiny reception. We also got an edible arrangement which everyone loved. And as far as music we hooked my laptop up to some speakers and had my little brother DJ. Friends and family were amazingly helpful too. It seemed like everyone wanted to do something to help.
I'm also really glad we had a wedding instead of eloping. The one thing that I will treasure for my whole life is that moment when I was walking down the isle and we locked eyes. The dress, the food, and music everything else was nice and beautiful but I would've been alright without it. I hope everything goes wonderful for y'all:)