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How to be more comfortable with spicing things up.
I have such a problem with telling my dh what I want to do, unless we are in the moment and sometimes not even then. There are things I want to try, but I don't know how to bring them up. I know alot of this comes from me being kinda close minded about sex at the beginning of our relationship and not wanting to do some stuff...I think that made him afraid to ask for certain things, and i don't always want to be the one to bring up kinkier stuff.
So now, that we have been together a long time there are things I want to do to liven things up ...such as watch porn together, do bondage, sexting etc.. how to a bring this up? The porn is an especially touchy subject since I repetedly got angry at him for looking at it, however its been almost 2 years since then.. We have watched a few together but I feel like he can't relax. I feel like at this point we should be more comfortable talking to eachother about sex and fantasies but we aren't really........
Re: How to be more comfortable with spicing things up.
This is definitely an indirect method but since you stated that you have a difficult time communicating ...
How about spice things up with a game. It's a bit juvenile but definitely fun. You each put a few things that you would like to try on pieces of paper - into a hat (or whatever) and you draw them out when ever you feel 'in the mood' to try something new and exciting.
Yeah, what the other commenter said- there are even sexy board games you can find on websites.
You can show him articles describing what you like and tell him your interested. you can "sext him" earlier in the day what you want to do with him, and maybe the anticipation will get him excited. You don't have to discuss sexting, just do it and see if he responds positively. Ask if he got your sext and watch his reaction. maybe he'll even reply with his own sext before you need to ask.
You can try blindfolding him with a scarf or tie one time and seeing how he handles it, and if he likes it, escalating it to handcuffs or tying wrists next time, or tell him that now it's your turn if you want him to reciprocate. If you don't want to actually tell him, just take little steps to introduce things and wait til he gets used to it, and then tell him you want him to do the same to you.
I know it can be hard to talk about those kinds of things but the more you are able to, the more used to it you will be, and the happier both of you will be, because we all know guys enjoy seeing their partners turned on. And remember, he loves you and if he knows you like it, he'll probably be interested in it!
You made that kind of hue and row over porn?
Believe me, that is a minor thing -- unless he had a true addiction to porn, in which case it's not a minor thing.
Maybe it's the way you and he were brought up --- were you both raised in homes where all things sexual were not discussed, masturbation was dirty, "good girls don't" and all that other kind of thing? Could be that's why -- not that it's a bad thing per se but you're both adults, consenting adults and you love and respect each other.
Why don't you start with some "how to" sex manuals, sold in mainstream bookstores?
I usually find it easier to write out things that are difficult to say out loud.
I can just about guarantee a sext or dirty email with such a request will make his day.
This! Try Spencer's. They carry card / board games, along with books to have fun and spice things up.
Wow, judgmental much? Lots of people who were raised in relatively innocent households and go on to have completely healthy sexual lives. (Not to drag religion into this, but study after study says evangelical Christians have the most satisfying sex lives). More than likely they are just shy and need to work through it a little bit at a time.