Marrying up or down?

JoEsther · July 2011

Got into a conversation with my aunt earlier today and was wondering what you guys thought - is there such a concept, anymore, of marrying "up" or "down"? What does that include/look like to you? Is there anyone within your friends or family circle that you think married "up" or "down"?

jillboston · July 2011

This makes me chuckle. The one friend I have who purposely "married up" is miserable now - she thought she had hit the jackpot (her words) - his father was a doctor and he came from a ritzy town. 17 years later - he is out of work again, has never had a real job, smokes pot regularly - she carries the full burden and is resentful that they didn't get more money when his parents died.

My DH's family's income played no part in our decision to get together - as it turns out we married even - but we were both well established on our own when we met so it didn't matter anyway.

BlackDiamond3201 · July 2011

When my friends talk about this it's a comparison to the person they were with last. My friend always says his ex dated down. Went from him with a stable job to a guy with two kids, no job, etc.

MarynJoe · July 2011

When my friends/family talk about this, it's not about the ex, but about the compatibility of the two people who are currently together. It has to do with their goals and values, work ethic, etc.

simplyinpenguin · July 2011

From my last ex, who was a bad, bad man, to my H today, I must say I married up, even with the issues that has took its toll on us as a married couple.

Jolililas · July 2011

My husband and I talk about this all the time. We usually compare our friends on what we think others first impressions of them would be (ie: superficial stuff). My husband and I even joke about how I married down, because he thinks I'm too pretty to be with him. But I always tell him that if people get to know us, they'd probably think that he married down, because he's very social, fun, and very easy to become best friends with. With everyone we know, including ourselves, the couples pretty much even out if we include their personality traits.

bloodyvalentine · July 2011

I married up. Hard not to, given my family.

I don't know what that means in most cases. I don't pay enough attention to social status and all of the stuff that kind of goes with "up" or "down."

kcpokergal · July 2011

It's a lot more fluid than it once was. It depends on how you judge--DH's parents are better educated and make more money than mine, but I ended up far more education and education than DH. So whatever. I am more impressive now at 30 than I was when we started dating 6 years ago. It's good he got in on the ground floor;)

ReturnOfKuus · July 2011

Yes, of course this is still a thing. We Americans like to pretend we don't have social classes, or that they don't matter, but of course it's all a lie.

AbbeyS2011 · July 2011

I am pretty sure if asked, everyone in my family would say I married "up", considering my exH.

One of my sister's is definitely in the market to marry "up", in that she wants a man that is financially stable and comfortable in his own right. Her last exH was well-educated, and had a good job, but he had serious issues that she made more money than he did and it caused some major problems within their marriage (she is a NP). She is currently dating a rocket scientist - seriously, that is what he does for a living.

Marrying up or down?

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