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Can't move on
Last year we had a major blow out with my DH's sister regarding the date of her wedding. She decided to be married two weeks before our set date. We felt like our own thunder was being stolen.. We said congratulations to her and her new fiance and nothing more. A week later we received a lovely text message from her asking if we had a problem with their date. We openly admitted that we did AND that we talked it over and reasoned she had every right to pick her day the same as we did. We asked her if she cared and she answered "no." Trying our best to giver her the benefit of the doubt we asked - why are you asking us this and she responded "you weren't happy enough for me." This set my DH on fire.
The relationship between my DH, my SIL and myself have been tormented like this for the last two years - this being the cherry on the cake. Now there is a sheet of ice at family gatherings.
It's seriously not about the dates. Its about how she handled it. My question is - how can my groom and I move on? We know that we will not get an apology. We know that she will not change. A part of me really wants it to be like the old days where we all got a long so well, but a part of me also says - she was faking it - don't trust her. My DH wants to take the high road and I want to dish out to her everything she has dished out to us. Small things like not responding to our reception invitation - not giving us a gift or a card for our wedding - not wanting to sign our guest book - so I didn't respond to her invitation and I have his permission to not get a gift. But when it comes to outright not talking to her at all till she makes amends for what she did - he won't have that.
How can I get over this? Any advice?
Re: Can't move on
My XSIL went as far as purchasing my exact wedding dress and got married three weeks before me (to my now XH). She had been over my house for our open house and saw my wedding dress about two months prior (which I did not know she saw it). Then my brother called and said they were getting married in a "shotgun wedding" okay no big deal. So, my brother asked if I could help with some things for the wedding. Sure, mind you mine was a just three weeks away. I showed up to take her dress to the wedding site. She would not let me see it. So, I respected her wishes. At the hotel she asked for my sister and I to help her get ready. So, we did. Until I saw fire and shot poison out of my mouth! I thought I was going to kill someone. After a few minutes of being pretty pissed off my now XH reminded me that they only people who would be at both weddings were a small amount of family and I would for sure show her up. She was not exactly the catch of the week (can you tell I am not her number one fan!) So, it was sweet justice on my wedding day when she stood in our receiving line to hear people comment on how great we looked. I think she threw up a few times.
There was a long period of time that her and I did not speak. She refused to sign our guest book and she actually tore up the card they got us and left it in the card basket. There was finally a day where it all came to head and we put the past in past and moved on. (Plus she and my brother got divorced as did my XH and I were divorced later as well! Guess, the dress did it in!)
I finally just become the better person! I realized that you never know what might happen and it is done and over with so why keep going down that road. When my niece was born I was the person who got to hold her for the first 30 minutes of her life due to some complications that they rushed my XSIL off to surgery for and my brother went to the waiting area for her. It was a very scary moment. I am glad we figured out that we did not need to risk not having that chance to be okay with each other. I just held my cards close.
OK this is dumb. Would it be okay if they picked a date 3 weeks before yours? 4 weeks? When would it be acceptable for them to accomodate you two for their special day? Should they check with you first before you start trying to have a baby?
The only problem I see is if they actually picked the same date as you, forcing family members to choose between the two. Ditto PP; forget the tit for tat and grow up.
This shows that you are being just as immature as anyone else. What do you need an apology for? How has she wronged you? I think you all need to grow up and realize that there are bigger issues in the world than wedding dates.