Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
MIL story-a little shocked-long
Let me say first that I'm in a shocked stage right now. I know I'll get super angry later, but right now, I'm just shocked.
We had to go to DH's hometown this past weekend to help with a memorial 5k in honor of DH's stepfather. MIL was super excited to see KR and said that she would be our babysitter if we wanted to go out, and if we/I would allow it, he could sleep with her so we could sleep in, etc. Great, that's fine. She did this when he was a month old so I didn't have any problems with it.
On Friday, DH, a friend of ours, and I decided to go to the bar which is 2 minutes away. MIL was watching our friends 1 year old (I had already put KR down). About 45 minutes later we get a call at the bar that she can't calm friend's daughter down-we were expecting this so it's no big deal, we leave.
Come home to find MIL, her sister and her boyfriend sitting in the living room drinking wine. MIL cannot handle wine at all. She starts passing out usually after one glass. We sat in the living room talking and we decide to go to bed.
I'm trying to fall asleep when I hear a dog howling, so I go out to the living room and grab the dog. I fall asleep and wake up to more howling (the dog went back to the living room) so I go out there and I hear KR screaming in MIL's room. I wait to see if she comes out to give him a bottle, then suddenly he starts screaming his bloody murder cry, so I go into her room.
She's passed out cold. Her elbow is on KR's chest and he's just sitting there screaming 5 inches away from her ear. I grab him, give him his pacifier and bring him back to bed with me. She didn't even wake up a little bit, even after I shoved her arm off of KR. I text DH right away (he stayed out) and he comes rushing home.
I'm so shocked at this point and so angry at myself. DH and I talked about how KR would have nothing to do with MIL if she had been drinking, but I didn't want to say "You know what, you've been drinking, I think it's best if KR sleeps with us." I'm an idiot and a pushover. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I knew, I knew, and even still I didn't want to confront her about her drinking even though it directly affected MY SON. Don't worry, I realize I'm an idiot and numerous other words. I will never forgive myself, nor ever let it happen again.
She comes in the next morning and asked "Where is KR?" and I said, sleeping next to me." We never addressed what she did, even though DH was pissed.
The next night she went to the bar and comes back and asked "So is little Kevin sleeping with me?" I told her I didn't have enough milk to give her in case he woke up so he was going to sleep with me that night.
I'm just shocked and thankful for that dog. If he wasn't howling, I wouldn't have woken up and saw that MIL was on the verge of suffocating my son. I'm starting to get really angry at MIL, but I don't even know how to approach this. DH just doesn't want her to watch KR ever again, he's so angry he can't even talk about it. I feel like we should say something.
Anyway, that's my super long story.
Re: MIL story-a little shocked-long
As awful as it sounds, don't beat yourself up over it.
Yes, you knew MIL wasn't really reliable - you were still able to intervene before anything serious happened. And you'll take it as a lesson and learn from it. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it - I don't think it'll help anything - but next time MIL asks about watching him say no and tell her why.
IMO, when it comes to taking care of kids you only get one strike and you're out. And, she's clearly out.
Kate's Recipe Box || Relatively Bookish
Jenny McCarthy = Former Playmate and MTV host
Pediatrician = Doctor with extensive experience and education on children.
Bumpies = Don't get me started!
I know who I get my health advice from!
What are you looking at?
I agree with Kate. I'm sorry this happened, it totally sucks that you can't trust her.
Instead of making it a big "you did this!" thing, simply let her know that she will no longer be able to watch KR for the reasons you mentioned above. I would suggest you let her still visit him, with your supervision, but there is no need to put him in that situation again.
Good luck!
Ditto! And I agree- don't beat yourself up over it. It wasn't your fault, you don't have a crystal ball to see what will happen in the future. You thought she would be reliable.
William born 7/12/2000
Andrew born 10/30/2011 (9lb 4oz at 37 weeks)
Ditto this.
the wedding | the blog
I agree with everyone else... for the most part. You can't beat yourself up, you had no idea this would happen. He is fine and that is what is important.
But with that being said, she put your child in danger and I think you are being entirely too passive about it to her. She needs to know 100% what happened and that for that reason, she can no longer watch him. Also, and this is just my own beliefs, I think babies should never sleep in bed with adults. It's one thing if you chose to do it (which we have never and will never do), but I'd say anyone else who is caring for your baby should always use a pack and play or crib.