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Should I forgive or forget?
For those of you who read my post a few months ago about my ex-bff and the blowout we had before my wedding, I have a question.
Should I contact her or should I just let it be? She's made no contact either or shown any sign of remorse to any of our mutual friends. I'm really struggling with this and I'm still pretty hurt and angry. I really miss her at times but I'm so tired of being angry at her. I just don't know what to do.
What would you guys do?
This wasnt just a argument. It was physical. A mutual friend of ours has said that she's pretty sure she feels guilty but thinks I cant forgive her. If I did say anything, It wouldn't be to be friends again, but more so for closure and to let her know hey, what you did was wrong but I forgive you for it.
Re: Should I forgive or forget?
I would probably just let it go. But i probably also wouldn't talk to her. That is just my $0.02. Just because you forgive her for it doesn't mean you have to be friends again. It just means your letting go of it and the anger.
The Dogs and Us
You should forgive her. For the sake of your own mental health. I think that having her in your life would be problematic, though. There is no telling what sort of manipulation she will try if you go back. You can't make her be sorry or ask for forgivness, but you do have the power to let it go and have this stop hanging over you like some unresolved dark cloud.
Forgiving isn't the same thing as forgetting. You can forgive without having to allow her back into your life.
You diserve to be happy!
The exact same thing happened to me, almost to a T. We were bff's from 2nd grade until 2008-her wedding. We had it out about a lot (mainly her cheating on her FI), then didn't talk for almost a year. We aren't close, or even friends anymore. We're still fb friends and occasionally we'll exchange "congratulations" on life's events and picture comments, but that's it. Friendship over, but no real animosity or hard feelings.
I would let it go. Hopefully in time your story will get better or end up like mine. I miss her, I still hate how things went down, but it happened and life goes on. I'm thankful for the friendship we had and I genuinely have good feelings toward her.
Sorry you're going through this. I hate losing friends
This is my main issue, and why I haven't said anything before. I sincerely feel she should apologize. I know yall are right, it's just hard when you're that close with someone.
I know. It sucks, it hurts, and you feel alone/empty. But in the end, I'd want a friend to defend me, not attack me.
I think you should forgive her for your own mental health. If she hasn't apologized by now, she never will so it's crazy to keep thinking that she'll make the first move.
You're also better than me bc if someone was punching me in the face, I'd beat the bishes ass.
Why would you want to be friends with someone who hit you? That's just unacceptable.
As for the rest, who cares about the wedding planning? When you ask someone to be in your wedding, their job is to show up in a dress, stand there with some flowers, and that's it; all else that the knot deems necessary is merely optional from their own generosity. You don't ask them for the parties they plan, pay for, and throw for you. You need to let that go.
I understand having a close friendship implode (or, in your case, explode)--but there is NOTHING to be gained by initiating contact with someone who hit you. I get wanting "closure", but honestly, you are not going to get what you think you want/need from her. Find it within yourself to get over the feelings you have, put it behind you and move forward.
I don't want to be friends with her as stated. If I said anything it would be to just say I don't want anymore bad blood between us. She's never hit anyone in her life and I honestly think she just snapped. I also think she probably does feel bad but like I said before, thinks I could never forgive her. If I said anything it's not just for me, in a way it's for her too.
Also, she was my MOH, and she stated from the beginning that she would help with certain things, and plan a shower. I asked and my other bridesmaids asked her for 4 months if she'd done any planning (ETA: for a shower) and she said she'd get to it and was "working" on it. When I offered to plan my own (ETA: shower) and send out invites she got really upset and told me she was on it. I never pointed a finger and deemed her completely responsible to plan things. She said she would, and I trusted her.
So, if you don't care to be friends with her, then why do you want to tell her you forgive her? Just appreciate who she was for you, realize things are different now, and move on.
I get being upset with someone who promised to do something and fell through, but, really, it's in the past. Put it behind you. You're married, and that's all that matters. It showed she was unreliable, but that has no effect on you, today, especially if you're not counting on her again. Also, it really would have been horribly tacky for you to plan your own wedding, so I'm glad she saved you from that.