Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Vacation with the In-Laws
I'm from the Southwest and my in-laws are from the Midwest. We don't always see eye-to-eye, but my MIL and her family (her sister and all of her brood) are taking us on vacation in a week. I'm not sure how I feel about this because I have to miss work for it (but MIL is paying for everything including the horseback riding my H wants to do) and I can't stand spending long time periods with her sister and all her family. It's not like they hate me or anything antagonistic, but they just don't understand me. It's going to be four days with this very loud family (I'm a quiet, sit me in a corner and I'll read for hours type), so I'm not sure how I'll survive. My H is aware that I find his family tiring (he finds them tiring too), but I'm just not sure I can handle four straight days with them all. We're even sharing a hotel room with my MIL, and she seems to go into the bathroom for an hour just when I'm about to go in there (I used to live with her and this bad timing drove me nuts). Any suggestions on keeping my sanity and not offending anyone?
Re: Vacation with the In-Laws
If you cannot afford your own hotel room, do not go on this trip. That is the best advice I can give you in this situation.
It may be too late for this trip, but seriously... in the future, get your own hotel room. Even if you have to pay for it yourself. I can't even begin to imagine sharing a ROOM.
Past that, get on the same page w/ your DH - she may be paying but that doesn't mean she gets to dictate every last minute of your time. You and Dh can go off on your own if you want.
And if you actually feel that you can't - then in the future, you and DH need to more seriously discuss the real "benefit" to taking an all expenses paid trip w/ your IL's. I don't really know if it's worth it.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I think you need to accept that being different does not equal being wrong. For yourself and for your in-laws. Just because they do things differently or you do them differently from them does not make either party wrong.
I agree w/ PPs that next time you need to pay for your own hotel room.
i say next time plan and pay for your own vacay and avoid this issue.
in the mean-time be gracious and polite and then *** to your girlfriends when you get home.
for the bathroom situation-plan it out. ask her when she plans on going in OR get up a bit earlier and beat her to it.
Ditto this.
You couldn't pay me to share a hotel room with my ILs.
They your own hotel room. Or stay at a nearby campground if you have to.
But nothing you described here seems to be a major problem ... aside from you being a pushover. If you didn't want to go on this vacation then you should have told your husband this. Not, "I don't like vacationing with your family," and having him basically reply, "I know you don't, but tough luck."
I actually think you may have more options than you realize. Hotels, even rinky-dink ones have lots of places to go and hang-out. You can leave the room and sit poolside, use the restroom off the lobby, find a wi-fi stop, etc. You can just use the room to sleep and shower.
You're spending at least one day horseback riding. The trick to a family vacation is to carve out time for yourself and not just go along with the ring leader. There will be an urge to treat you two as adolescents who have to hang with the family/parents ... and not the full grown adults that you are who are capable of driving yourselves to dinner and activities. (I hope to G*d you are bringing your own car.) You can leave the brood to do something you two would prefer to do in town.
So, don't just wake-up and ask what you are doing each day. Wake-up and decided what YOU are doing. Certainly be pleasant and cooperative, but you don't have to wait arround for a shower, walk with them to breakfast, and then walk with them through every other activity they decide as a group.
Go to dinner, one night, just the two of you. One morning, get up early, shower, dress and go down to the pool or out to breakfast. One afternoon, tell them you'd rather go to the pool to read for a hour. This is your vacation, too. You are not just on their vacation.
Ok, I find it extremely wierd that a married couple will be sharing a ROOM with their mom/MIL. That is just too odd for me.
Back out of you want to. If MIL is staying in the same room, she will not be losing money by your backing out. Just tell her you had a work emergency. In the future, make it clear with your H that you have no interest in sharing your vacation with his family.
Or get your own room. Even if dh wants to be roomies with his mom et. al.
If you do go and end up sharing a room, make a note of where the public restrooms are. If it's a hotel complex, there should be more than one restrooms - off the lobby, in the restaurant, etc.
You can also leave the room and take your book to a shady spot under a tree, by the pool, in the lounge. Ask the restaurant if they will pack you a picnic lunch and "get away" where you can spend all day with your book, or hike to a nice spot, have your lunch, and hang out by yourself.