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Could really use some advice.
My father is a really difficult man to deal with. (Keep in mind, right now, I'm sitting here crying and somewhat hyperventalating). He's our lawyer for the house, and we just got the paperwork for the closing costs. He said call to explain, so I did. And I suck at finance, and nothing of what he said make sense, and he's using different terminology than EVERYBODY else, and telling me I'm wrong, and refusing to explain what is right. He just wants me to go along with it and I just want to understand. I had to talk over him for a minute and a half to tell him that I was getting upset and that I would call him later.
This isn't the first time he's treated me this way. He caused an awful time just before the wedding and never apologized. I don't want to talk to him ever again. I'm so done. No one should be able to yell at anyone this way and get away with it and he does and I can't take it anymore. I called DH at work and told him the cliffsnotes version and told him that he would have to deal with my dad later.
I don't want to cut him out but I feel as though he's not leaving me with much of a choice. I haven't cried like this in a year. The last time he did this. I don't want to lose out on the rest of my family but he's being such an a$$hole. Thoughts? Advice? i really don't know what to do.
RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
You made my wedding day complete.
Re: Could really use some advice.
I can kind of sympathize with you on this one...my dad is also an attorney, and can be very difficult to deal with when it comes to him helping us handle legal matters. I'm sorry that your dad is giving you a rough time! My best advice would be to let this sink in and simmer a bit. You may feel slightly different when you've had a chance to calm down. Then again, you may not and that's ok too. You're entitled to whatever feelings you're having, because they're yours.
Now, in dealing with your dad, is it too late to look into another attorney to help you with whatever you've got left to do? Sometimes taking your dad out of the equation of being your attorney, and putting him back into the position of being your dad can help the situation. If not, let him finish whatever is left that you need him to do, and then I'd suggest not using him again. This seems like it's causing you a lot more stress that it's worth, and wouldn't you rather have a relationship with him as your dad, rather than your attorney, later on?
If H can help talk your dad down and get him to a point where you find he's helpful, I say go for it. I know buying a house is stressful enough and adding this to the equation can't be making things easer. Just take a deep breath, drink some cold water, and let H deal with it later. Don't go back and handle your dad when you're upset or just have been upset. Emotions are running high and you're sure to get back to an arguing or emotional state.
Everything will work itself out hun. "Everything is always ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end"
I agree with Val in the fact that it might be better to not use your dad for legal help in the future. It definitely sounds like it's causing you more stress than it's helping you.
I know you guys have had a huge roller coaster ride with the home buying process so to deal with this on top of it is hard. When you want to turn to your parents for support your dad is in more of a business role than a parent role right now.
I would try to just take a step back and seperate the "dad" part from the "attorney" part as much as you can, and keep thinking about the end goal of moving into your lovely new home!!!
Breathe, Mel! I am sorry to hear that you are dealing with this. You did the right thing of getting off the phone. I am not much help in this kind of situation, but maybe there are some things you could do to avoid this kind of situation again. I would not write off your dad altogether. But I would take some steps to curb your interactions with him, especially in stressful situations.
1. Use a different lawyer than your dad when you need one. Like pp, is it too late to get a different lawyer?
2. In the future, wait to speak in person about things you are not comfortable with instead of on the phone, have the conversations with your DH present (literally or on the phone with you) as well, or defer to DH and let him handle the situations.
I hope this helps and that you have calmed down. Good luck!
Thanks, everyone. We never asked my dad to be our lawyer, he just started doing it, and we felt awkward saying no. So we let him, and we regret it. I told DH last night that we're not working with my father ever again.
I don't think we can change at this point, we close on Tuesday.
As far as my relationship with him, I'm holding my ground. I want an apology. And until I get one, I'm done. We're not doing anything about it until after we close, but I can't allow him to treat me or my husband the way he does. Because after he screamed at me yesterday, DH called him to get the info we needed and got yelled at too. So yeah.
RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
You made my wedding day complete.
my read shelf:
I'm sorry....do you think you could call your dad even after closing and calmly explain you guys are very interested in the process and want to understand and it's frustrating when he doesn't explain. Then talk about his tone and everything. Hopefully then he would see how out of line he was. Sometimes people are too stubborn to apologize so it's hard to set an expectation....but if he listens to your feelings and is understanding about it(nestie vibes), maybe that would help your feel better. I just don't know if I would wait for an apology.
Nestie vibes, goodluck!