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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
confession
H's youngest brother is getting married in October. On a Friday. At this point we have decided we are not going. For a variety of reasons 1. I would need at least 3 days off and I don't get much vacation time at my new job. 2. Neither of us support the marriage. H has not told his family yet. We are going with the excuse of can't get time off (which in my case might be more believable, his unit would probably give him the time off provided he doesn't have any important training or anything.) If it makes it less flamable i am hoping to use time a Christmas so we can go see his family.
Re: confession
That's not flammable.
What might be more flammable is why you don't support the marriage. Spill it!
His fiancee. She pretty much lives off him and he lets her. Buuuuut he lives off his parents. He gets disability checks for diabetes and pretty much all that money he give to her then asks his parents to pay all his bills (and yes we have all told his parents to stop doing this and they hace recently stopped doing so much for him). They both recently got into trouble (her first time his third time) for breaking into cars and stealing things. No one knows the true story on who influence who to do this but he was doing fairly well and trying to get his life back on track before he met her.
So basically because neither one of them has ever actually had to support themselves alone. And we just don't like his finacee. We have all tried to be nice to her and she basically ignores us. Anytime we start up a conversation she acts like she never even heard us. Plus technically because at the time they are getting married they are both on probation they are not suppose to be together (state law or at least that is what I have been told).
His finacee is also very controlling of him. If he is not with her at all times then she calls him up and tells him he has to come over. He doesn't see much of his family at all because she tells him no you can't (and yes this is his fault too for letting her).
His dad is going to try to break up the wedding and has told us this numerous times. So basically it is going to be a clustfvck that we have no desire to be part of.
The Dogs and Us
The Dogs and Us
I don't think flame worthy. If you are anything like me, I cannot hide my feelings and it is written all over my face. I think it is best to go around Christmas. That gives you time with the family without all of the drama which appears to be coming.
Don't worry, I have used my job as an excuse for a lot of things and I only work during the week
.
No flames here. There is no way I would want us to both take time off of work and travel to a wedding that neither of us supported, and his family and full intentions of stopping. Even if that wasn't the case, I still have no flames. BIL is getting married this month on the other side of the country and H and I were both supposed to be in the wedding. I was not at all disappointed to find out that his schedule changed and we couldn't make it anymore.
I actually really like his FI, but I knew between both of our work schedules we would only be able to go home for a week, and this is H's only trip home for almost 2 years, so I wasn't a fan of feeling obligated to attend wedding related events several times. Now we are going home at the end of summer for a week instead and are happy to just be able to enjoy the week with no obligations.
You hit it pretty much on the nail. When we go back we don't like to feel obligated to do things for his family. We like to usually have at least a week there so we can see our friends too. Plus if taking time off in October means I can't take as much time off for Christmas (which I really want to do because my bestie is suppose to graduate college around Christmas).
The Dogs and Us
I wouldn't go either.
I do have a suggestion though. (Don't I always?) Be up front and tell them exactly why you're not going. The first time I got married, the only people from my side of the family who attended were my parents and my dad's girlfriend. My sister told me after the wedding the reason she didn't attend was because she thought we were rushing it, which we did, but after the wedding is too late to talk about things like that. It's worth it to be up front (or have your H do it) and say, "I hope your marriage works out, but your criminal behavior and the controlling exchanges in your relationship create the appearance you're not ready for marriage. I will not be attending, but I do wish you the best." It's loving but firm and it doesn't give BIL an open end to argue about it.
The Dogs and Us