Sex & Romance
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How do I initiate when I feel insecure about my body?
I started taking birth control last year and have put on 10 lbs from it, I was in denial that I needed to do something about it but have now started going to the gym to start losing the wieght. But because of the weight gain its hard for me to initiate sex because of my body image. My guy is in fantastic shape because he pretty much works out everyday for work, and I feel he should have a partner who is just as sexy. And it is going to take some time until I am back to how I used to look. I always wait for him to initiate sex so I know that he actually wants it, but we are having sex less and less lately and I would like to get things back to normal. what are some things I could do to initiate sex and not worry about my body image until I get back into shape? I know this all sounds silly but I keep telling myself that this look is only temporary but it just doesnt seem to work.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Re: How do I initiate when I feel insecure about my body?
One thing I do when I am feeling a little insecure is I just wear a babydoll type outfit when you approach your guy. He won't even think twice about it!
If I'm just not feeling hot, I initiate in the middle of the night or early morning (easy to get him excited and I don't have to be like "hey look at this hotness!" Really if I start putting my hands on his penis (especially in a time or place we don't normally do it) he's not going to care if I have my hair all done or gained 10 pounds.
^^^this, I also find that if you put on some makeup, do your hair, and really get dolled up, it can make a big difference in how you feel. Something else to think about is putting on one of his shirts with some sexy panties and heels, men love that stuff. I actually feel my best and sexiest right after working out, so maybe you and him could work out together, then take a shower together or something. Lastly, Try to look in the mirror and focus on things you do like, your eyes, your calves, and realize that confidence is the sexiest of all.
On a sn: Does he try to initiate and you push him away or is the burden to initiate all on you? I think he should be putting forth the effort to make you feel better about yourself and reassure you.
I agree with this. Another thing that makes me feel sexy is to take a really long shower and pamper myself, ie do a face treatment, scrub and lotion my feet extra well, shave all my areas that need shaving, and just generally spend some extra shower time making myself feel fresh, polished, and well-groomed.
Have you talked to your H about your feelings of insecurity lately? It is highly doubtful that 10lbs would be the difference between sexy and unsexy in his eyes. The sex may be dwindling if he has noticed that you are distant.
You are worrying your self too much over too little.
Why marry so soon? You both appear and sound to be rather young.
All of these are super helpful :] thank you.
And no we both initiate about the same, its like we take turns initiating without trying. and I dont push him away, im happy to get it. I just get all self concious and I want to cover my stomach with a blanket or hurry and turn the lights off or something like that. I used to be confident and felt so sexy and I do think that I am letting something so little bother me a lot. I am seriously trying to just get over it and be patient with myself. I am going to the gym atleast 3 times a week and eating healthier. I just need to remember that it is going to take some time to get back to my normal self. but until then I am going to try all of your suggestions everyone :] I am very appreciative of the tips.
because it feels right, and we couldnt imagine being with anyone else. and together everything seems to fall into place. And the best part is we dont have to try and make it work, it just does. I have seen so many of my friends and families bad relationships and I am happy that mine is the way it is.
Turn off the lights.
Seriously if you are in a committed serious relationship we (men) don't care about a coup;e of extra pounds. That being said, if you're talking about health issue weight, yeah its going to be an issue/
This may sound silly, but I'll occasionally plan a time to initiate. I'll sneak into the bedroom and put on something cute (not necessarily lingerie, just not my dumpy loungewear or pajamas) and I'll sneak up behind him and slide my hands down to his crotch. I get in weird moods we're I don't feel sexy, but sometimes it really takes just jumping into it.
Another method may be to blindfold him if you're feeling insecure and don't feel like getting dolled up. But my husband peeks if I try it.
I actually think you are doing yourself a disservice by telling yourself this "look" is only temporary. By no means am I suggesting you should stop trying to be healthy by working out and eating right, but I think it is more important that you start to love yourself, as you are, right in this moment. Otherwise you are always setting your selfworth based on how you look. How will you be able to handle pregnancy/postpregnancy when(if) you two decide to have children? What happens if you develop a medical problem that makes losing weight difficult and you remained 10 or 20lbs heavier? You need to love yourself and find yourself sexy just as you are, and do everything else (working out eating right) because you love yourself and want to remain healthy- not because you want to look a certain way. Confidence is sexy.
Also I can almost guarantee that the reason you are having sex less is because he subconciously has noticed you aren't initiating anymore and in subtle ways you probably are turning him down because you don't feel good about yourself. Did you always turn the lights off before when you were having sex? If this is a new habit then it might kind of kill the mood for him. Also the less you have sex usually the lower your sex drive becomes. You need to stop worrying about these 10lbs and realize your H probably didn't even notice you gained any weight, but might be feeling like you are rejecting him. GL!
Glenna Harding Photography
I'm plus size. When I moved in with my FI (Then boyfriend) I realized that I needed to get over my insecurities because I was going to be sleeping next to this man every night, and he was going to see me at my unprettiest. So, this is what I did.
I started going nude all the time. Seriously. After 9 pm? No guests expected? Naked time! I felt odd at first, but I've discovered that I really like being naked! Plus, there are no problems in the bedroom. I feel confident, and sexy, and I weigh a lot more then you do.
Keep working out, first of all. Don't get discouraged if you don't see results quickly, because HE will notice that you have started getting into your health more, and if he's anything like my husband, that'll get him all excited. Plus, I know I feel SO much better about myself, and am far more likely to initiate sex on the days I get my butt in the gym. So that in and of itself is my motivation to work out often cuz, uh, I love me some sex, and I want to want it an enjoy it!
Also, when I first started having sex with my husband (then boyfriend), I was super insecure and suuuper shy because he was my first (and is still my only) partner. Walking around with no pants on kind of helped me get over that. It seems so silly, but DH loves my butt and it got me comfortable with him seeing my body even when we weren't actively going at it. Two birds, one stone. Ha!
Oh my gosh this is the most wonderful thing I ever heard! What did you tell yourself the first few times when you had to work up the courage?? I think you are awesome!! Im going to have to try this!
Oh my gosh this is the most wonderful thing I ever heard! What did you tell yourself the first few times when you had to work up the courage?? I think you are awesome!! Im going to have to try this!