9 to 5
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Friends at work
How do you guys feel about making friends with coworkers? In the past, I have always felt that it isn't the reason why you're there, but if it happens.....great.
I've only been at my current job for 2 months and when I was leaving my last position several people who I considered friends made inconsiderate remarks regarding my new job and even some out-right lies that make me question my decision to leave.
At my new job, I initially tried keeping my distance but some of my new coworkers and trying to make friends. The behavior of my old "friends" has clouded my judgement.
What's your opinion? Good idea to make friends or better to keep a safe distance?
BB&J
Re: Friends at work
As an adult, where do you spend most of your time? At work. I see nothing wrong w/ making friends at work.
BUT I think it has to be done cautiously. You can have "work friends" - people you're friendly with, go to lunch with, chit chat about life (but w/o divulging TOO much about your personal life). I think it's smart to have these kinds of friends, actually. You want allies, you want people to like you. Especially if you want to advance. You want people to know who you are, etc.
As far as anyone becoming a "real" friend (i.e. out of the office), that I take a lot slower. I have a few friends from old jobs who I am still in touch with. But of all the "friends" I've made at work, these people are just a small handful. Along the way, we simply found a common ground and we clicked. And honestly, of all the people I've met along the way - I really do strongly feel that these few women are truly good people who dont' get caught up in the petty office crap. I think that's part of the reason why we ended up "attracting" each other.
I just think you need to take your time to learn who all these people are. I'm always wary of the coworkers who jump on you TOO quickly and seem TOO eager to become your buddy.
And as you've learned, often time "work friends" are just that - WORK friends. People who aren't really there for you in the real world, and who, when you leave the job, will most likely drop off your radar. Or if you stay in touch, it's only very superficially.
In the end, your initial statement is what I still go by. I don't come to work in order to make new friends, but if I happen to - that's great. But I am cautious about it and don't get too invested in anyone.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Ditto ECB 100%. I was fortunate to be in an awesome work environment when I got my first "real" job, and I've stayed friends with a good chunk of those people. I haven't really had that sort of thing happen since then.
I also had a woman be overly friendly to me when I started my last job, and something told me I needed to keep her at arm's length. I'm glad I did, because she was a whack job with a lot of enemies in the company.
IMO it's fine to be friendly with CWs, and maybe even become friendlier with a few. But like you (and ECB) said, it's not the reason you're there.
Our little Irish rose came to us on March 5, 2010
Don't drink the water.
Disclaimer: I am not an MD. Please don't PM me with pregnancy-related questions. Ask your doctor.
This seems to vary a lot from place to place, and both views have their downsides. Personally I try to be friendly in general and if there is someone I end up clicking with, great. As long as you can keep the professional and personal sides of your lives separate it hasn't been a problem for me.
Some jobs in general have been really friendly (particularly places where people stay for years), and people get together for lunches and go out for drinks, etc. Downside is that things can get really clique-y, and you also tend to get personal problems affecting work. Other environments have been friendly but professional, and that does make focusing on work easier but at the same time, it makes work a lot more....boring.
I would go with what seems to be the norm at your office, but keep in mind that it's usually not a good idea to get *too* into the office gossip and forget you're at work.
I am civil with all of my coworkers and we all get along pretty well. There are some that I like/get along with more than others, but in general, we all have a pretty decent work environment. It's easier to get through the mundane work day when you can have a few laughs and have people to eat lunch with. I would not consider these people my friends, but rather just people that I am friendly with. When I refer to any of them outside of work, it's "My coworker X...", not, "Oh, my friend X..".
Often they will have get-togethers at their homes and/or want to go to the bar after work. I am always invited but never go. I figure I am with these people & see them more than I see my DH, real friends & family. It's really nothing personal against any of them, but I have a life outside of work & also outside of them.
Being friends at work and being be friends are completely different... to me at least. Friends at work is someone that you can chit chat with throughout the day. A friend is someone who is there for you about problems, and joys of your life. I think it would be a mess for anyone who tries to mix them. I've noticed it add a whole new definition of drama on a daily basis. But.. occasionally you can find a really awesome person to fit into the friends at work and friends for life category.
I've noticed in my field of work, if you confuse the categories, it's almost a sure thing to get let down. You will get hurt feelings. In the end, advancing in your career will always trump the friends at work. But I'm not saying to be anti-social either.. my advice is to be friendly just to get through your day.