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Opinions Needed
So I have a friend, well, she used to be a good friend, that I had a falling out with about 3-4 years ago.
I saw that she commented on a mutual friend's post on FB recently and I noticed she just had a baby and is married now. Part of me really wants to send her a message and apologize for everything that happened between us and congratulate her on the new baby.
But then part of me is afraid she's either going to ignore it, or be rude because she still can't get over what happened between us.
I know a lot can change in 3-4 years and people can grow and mature. But she's always been bad about holding grudges. I guess part of me is hoping maybe having a baby has softened her up a little. Hahaha.
Should I just let it go, or should I try to extend an olive branch?
Re: Opinions Needed
I vote for the olive branch... you surely can't hurt your relationship since there currently isn't one.
Plus, she might feel the same way about you and be hesitant to reach out to you as well.
Well we all know I'm full of opinions.
I say extend the olive branch. Even if she ignores you or writes something rude (which you then ignore), it shows you still care and are the bigger person. 3-4 years is a good amount of time to calm down, cool off and get over whatever it was that caused the issue in the first place.
It doesn't hurt to try. You may gain a friend back. But, even if you don't, at least you tried.
**Unless the falling out is over cheating spouses/bfs or murder. Then I say let it go.
True. Very true. I guess my fear is if I don't get a response I'll feel "rejected" in a way. And nobody likes to feel like that.
LOL.
Definitely no cheating involved on anyone's part.
The long and short of it is, she got engaged and I was going to be a BM. Then I found out the relationship was rocky and he was abusive emotionally and mentally and I told her I wouldn't support the relationship because I thought it was unhealthy and I thought she needed to get out and I couldn't be in the wedding. That's basically when it all went downhill.
In hindsight, I realize if she said she was truly happy I should have just supported her and not tried to push my beliefs and feelings on her because she seems very happy now and she seems to have a good husband of several years.
So, what did I know.
But ultimately I just was worried about her well-being.
I had a little experience with a similar situation earlier this year. I sent her a "clear the air" email. We have lost touch and I honestly don't want to be "friends" with her anymore (different states, different lives), but since we have mutual friends and I will see her again, I wanted to clear the air.
I basically apologized for all the ways I had hurt her in a list (it sounds silly, but I didn't want to send a general apology) and then I listed all the ways she hurt me.
I didn't ask for an apology or a response. I just asked her to continue reading through the email and consider my apology to her.
It has been about 4 months and I haven't heard a word from her; not to even acknowledge receipt of the email.
I have felt sad, mad and blown off. But at the end of the day, I have found peace about it. I reached out, I apologized and I attempted to clear the air.
I guess what I am saying is that it is never wrong to extend an olive branch, but be prepared for any response or lack of that you get.
Murder, LOL!
Ouch...that's tough. To be honest, it would be pretty hard for me to forgive that...even if friend had good intentions.
I would tell her what you just told us. Explain what your concern was, that you can see now that you were wrong and apologize.
That's all you can really do.
I recently went through this, and got "rejected." I can say that it still felt good to try. (Technically, it was even weirder of a situation, because she'd initally reached out to ME saying how much she missed my friendship -- but when I eagerly tried to get in touch with her, she ignored me). I think she might've drunk-emailed me. But I don't care, it was still nice to get in touch with her if only for a moment!
Yes, she did.
That's a good way to look at it.
But there was also some drama about 2 years after said wedding fall out happened.
It was really so stupid.
I posted something on my best friend's facebook wall about somebody else we both know who had just recently gotten married (NOT said friend), and the girl I'm talking about possibly extending an olive branch to saw it, and got all paranoid and thought I was talking about her, and she sent me a VERY hateful message telling me how I will never have anyone in life but my FI(I was engaged to ex-FI at the time) because all my friends will realize what a shiity person I am, and blablablabla.
I tried to tell her I wasn't even talking about her, and that she was a bit paranoid. But, she didn't want to hear any of it. That was the last time we spoke. That was about 3 years ago. A lot of nasty things were said to each other.
Oh. I would be pretty pissed about that. I agree with Sara, though. All you can do is acknowledge your errors and apologize.
I was in a bad relationship once (well more than once). One of my really good friends told me she could no longer be my friend due to said bad relationship. We didn't talk for a long time. I eventually broke up with the guy, but it has always hurt me that when I needed her the most - she chose to walk away. I do see her side, too - it hurt her to see me treated so poorly. It hurt her to not be able to do anything about it. We are FB friends now, but we will never be friends like we were before. Maybe this snippet of a story will help you see both sides.
Olive branch for sure.
Not to be a debbie downer, but also prepare yourself for the "worst" so-to-speak. Chances are, she'll be cordial. But like you said, it could always go the other way. I'd err on the side of "being the bigger person".
Bio
See, I wanted y'all to have the full story before you gave me your opinions.
And I definitely see both sides now. Now that I'm older and more mature.
Back then I was maybe 20-21. All I saw was my side, unfortunately.
You know I felt "how can I stand up there next to someone on their wedding day when I know she's marrying someone who's abusing her, and that could eventually turn into physical abuse?" I felt like if it ever did, I would be to blame because I let it happen.
Bio Good Times
Well I guess the overwhelming majority is to just do it.
Okay...guess I will.
I'm a little late to the game. I would at least try, what have you got to loose? Good luck and let us know how it turns out