Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Mixing families
We both have children from a previous marriage. Mine are young and love the idea. His are mid to late 20's and have their own children and are not happy with the idea at all. Their mother died 11 years ago and he has never been in a relationship since and has had alot of health problems. He was in his 30's when he had his first heartattack. When we got together he was in a financial bind and was on the verge of losing his house. His daughter is not employed has 3 children and her children and boyfriend were living with him when we first started dating. Although she bought food for the house(with her food stamps) that is the only contributions to the house she was willing to make. His bills were 3 times what his income was so I moved in and helped with the bills so he could keep his home. She is a heavy drinker and to protect my children we had to kick her out of the home. We didn't talk for 6 months due to the fact that she called the cops on us and turned us into DHS although this was stressful there was nothing we could do but ride it out. In the mean time his son wouldn't come around because she wasn't allowed in our home. 2 months before the wedding we gave her a second chance to no avail more problems. In our bedroom going through things without permission here all the time til all hours of the night with her friends I had to pick up a second job to keep us afloat and her new thing is that I married him for his house car and life insurance. She posted this on facebook and called me all kinds of names because I find her disrespctful. She now has her brother believing this too. We are 100,000 in debt and I pay most of it not that it bothers me any I knew about it before we were married and was willing to take that on. But she causes so much stress with her lies and cop calling what do I do from here PLEASE give me some advice
Re: Mixing families
So the guy you married doesn't work because of the health problems, is he on any kind of assistance? You took on all of his debt/bills. He has 3 kids from a previous marriage as well as grandkids and at least one kid and 3 grandkids lived with him (you also have kids) the kid that lives with him is a big drinker/disrespects space so you cut her off and now she gaining up with brother to bash you along with bashing you on her fb.
Why did she call the cops on you? (I have no idea what DHS stands for)
Why on earth did you feel this was a good environment to bring your kids into? Just because you have a man, and just because your kids "love the idea" of you all living together doesn't mean this is a good idea.
How old are your kids?
I really don't get why you thought moving in w/ him and taking on all his debt and his crazy kids was a good idea.
YOUR kids need to come first. Not him, not your need to have a man.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
You have basically 2 choices: You can either cut her out of your lives completely or you need to set severe and strict ground rules with her. When I say "you", I mean you and your H. This is a decision the two of you need to do together. If she will not respect your home, then she needs to get out. Period. If she continues the harrasment of the two of you, I would file a restraining order. FB posts are admissible in some courts, if not all.
As far as the debt you walked into, it sounds like you married into debt, eyes wide open. Look into a debt consolidation loan with your bank or credit union. Look into social service benefits he may be able to get if he is unable to work due to his medical conditions.
I wish you the best.
Department of Homeland Security?
Well, that was her plan and you pitched her out of the house, replaced her as primary recipient on the life insurance and I suppose your driving the car she used to have access for.
Ditto ECB.
No way should your kids be subjected to this hot mess.
My husband said he is done with both of them. We are in the process of refinancing the house and consolidating all the loans he had out. Basically was robbing peter to pay paul. I had a vehicle and because it was paid for we decided to sell it so the insurance was cheaper and not maintaining 2 vehicles. He is on Social Security. He also works parttime and I work two jobs but that was our choice and I am not complaining at all. He is a wonderful man with a giant heart that would give the shirt off his back if you needed it.