Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Help!
My husband and I have been married for about 3.5 weeks now, and I suck at sex. I know this is super personal and TMI, but I just don't feel like I'm any good on top. He's real sweet and tells me it's fine that I just have to get used to it....but I don't have any idea what I'm doing. And other than that the sex is great and all, but I feel like such a loser b/c I avoid being on top so much. I've even started avoiding sex altogether. This is supposed to be the best sex of our lives right? Anyway, any input would be very much appreciated and again I'm sorry if this was TMI, especially since I'm new and have never posted before. Thanks ladies
Re: Help!
Let me guess:
You were both abstinant before the wedding.
And worse still, you and he were virgins.
RIght on either/both points?
That said, here is what you do, starting immediately:
Masturbate.
Don't tell me it's a sin -- this is the only way you will find out what makes you orgasm and what touches make you feel good.
Go to a library or Amazon and check out the book Sex for One by Betty Dodson. It's a treasure trove of masturbatory information.
After you find out what makes you orgasm via masturbation, show him.:)
The next thing you need to do -- actually, you can do this tomorrow; it's Saturday and I'm sure the both of you are off from work:
Sit down with your husband and TALK about your sex life.
At length, frankly and OPENLY.
Tell him that you love having sex with him and you want to spice things up more -- listen to his suggestions.
Do you know what turns him on? What touches he likes, what he specifically likes in the way of sex -- what positions, etc?
If you don't, I suggest you start finding out, starting now.
Why don't you like being on top? is it uncomfortable? What's happening?
The third thing you and he need to do together:
Go to a main stream book store and check out sex manuals that are created for dedicated couples. It'll show you positions and other things to do; it's a "how to" manual.
As an aside, do you and he both know the general mechanics/anatomy and physiology of both the male and female reproductive anatomy? If not, learn.
Our Bodies, Ourselves is another excellent book for the both of you to discover; so is an ole standby called Woman's Body: Owner's Manual and Man's Body: Onwer's Manual.
I'm a guy, and you seem to have been addressing this question to the women here, but if it helps at all, I'll bring in my 2 cents.
Obviously not speaking for all guys when I say this, but for me, I cannot finish with the woman on top. I love it, I think it's just some kind of physics thing going on, can't explain it but it doesn't quite work. So maybe your husband is the same in that sense? Could it be that he just can't finish like that?
Still, it's not as if it doesn't feel good. One thing I will say about it is that I absolutely love the sensation when she varies speeds, there's something about that that drives me wild.
On the TMI front, if you're facing towards him, there's something right there in his face that maybe you should encourage him to take advantage of.
Again with the TMI, if you're facing away, there's still something there...lol
A third TMI for good measure: when facing me, I have *never* enjoyed the feeling when her back is at a perfect right angle, there's a bit of a "crushing" feeling to that at times. Also never enjoyed the feeling when she leans away from me (while facing me). It feels far better to lean towards me and let me grab her hips.
Hope this helps....
Obviously not speaking for all guys when I say this, but for me, I cannot finish with the woman on top. I love it, I think it's just some kind of physics thing going on, can't explain it but it doesn't quite work. So maybe your husband is the same in that sense? Could it be that he just can't finish like that?
See? Everybody is different.
What one person likes, another person will not like; maybe on top does nothing for you.
Another thing to keep in mind:
Rome was not built in a day.
You are married less than a month. Sex takes time; you and he need to work on the skill together. Don't expect the 2 of you to be porn-star like sex maniacs from Day One on...or from Day 90 on.:)
If you did wait to have sex until you were married, don't let anyone make you feel ashamed. That was probably an active decision you and your husband made and following through with that is a good thing.
First of all, you need to address your mindset. You can't keep thinking this way about yourself and expect it to go away! The fact is, you ARE new at this! Sex isn't like the movies lol. It takes time and effort to figure out what you and your hubby like and then working it together!
Make sure you are communicating with your husband. Be frank. Tell him what you like, what feels good. You have to get over the embarrasment! You're having sex now, there is nothing else to hide
Take a hot bath, feel around down there and figure out what feels good. Don't make orgasm your absolute goal. Relax, you're still figuring this out! If you get too stressed about it you won't be able to relax enough to be aroused.
Remember, intimacy is not just intercourse. Try other things like oral, or manual stimulation for you both. Lots of kissing that doesn't necessarily lead anywhere immediately, cuddle, massages. There are a lot of things you can do to feel close so you can relax and feel comfortable! Your husbands LOVES you, and he definitely wants to figure this out with you! Laugh off the funny stuff (we do!) and just enjoy being intimate!