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Unhappy reaction to fireworks?
Hi everyone!
I've lurked here for a while, and on theknot. I haven't really found any discussions about this (but if I've missed them, just point me in the right direction)
I'm wondering if any of you have encountered the problem of your SO reacting negatively to fireworks or loud/startling noises. My FI deployed a couple years back, and now that he's home, he can't stand fireworks, fire crackers, cracking thunder, etc. He gets very aggitated (but not violent), heart rate goes up, breathing gets faster, he gets cranky and then gets depressed and "goes away" for a while. When I say "goes away" I mean his eyes get all empty like he's thinking of something else (which I'm sure he is, but I don't want to push him about what it is)He's getting help for those things, but I'm wondering if anyone else has encountered this and if you have any suggestions on what I can do to help him.
Thanks!
Re: Unhappy reaction to fireworks?
DH, no, but his best friend had a bad time with this when they got back 3 years ago. As far as I know there were no issues from this last deployment as it was much tamer than the prior one. There were a lot of times he didn't sleep because a car would backfire, thunder, fireworks or just anything that would make him jump and he would be unable to get back to sleep.
He also got help and has come a long way in the last 3 years. It took a while, but he's much better than he was. But he's still definitely not back to where we was prior to that deployment, and probably never will be. The best thing you can do is give him his space and let him that if he needs you, you will be there.
I just wrote a blog post about this. I've been home almost 4 years and it's taken some time and some help but I've gotten better.
http://walkamileinmyboots.wordpress.com/2011/07/04/
I had a trauma when I was 15 (am turning 28 this month) and I get weird around loud noises like that too. I agree with PP, give him space (if thats what he wants, or something else if he does better with that), I agree its normal. Its good he's getting help!
FWIW, all these years later and I still have freak out moments with unexpected loud noises (or sometimes even expected ones like fireworks).... Its a lot better obviously, but sometimes you just get triggered
I changed my name
MH and I were walking down the street once, and he knocked me on the ground when he heard a car backfire. He has gotten better over time, but still spaces out when he hears a loud noise such as fireworks. I've noticed most of the time if he hears my voice, that snaps him out of it for a minute. I've learned this through trial and error. If he says that he wants space, then give it to him.
If it's only around fireworks I say don't worry about it. Fireworks can sound like mortars and gunfire, and look like illumination rounds. Just avoid fireworks. If it's other things too, or if his reaction is extreme, then maybe he needs to talk to someone since it's been several years.
I'm sure there are things that remind you of the past - sounds, smells, etc. It's normal. His deployment is part of who he is. Always will be. As long as it isn't affecting his ability to lead a happy, productive life then he's fine. Giving up fireworks isn't that big a sacrifice.