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Due Date and Deployment

Hi All,

I'm J and I lurk around here a little. I'm usually on the GP boards or the GP Moms boards. We found out a couple of weeks ago that we are expecting. We're very excited; however, DH will not be here for the birth. He's deploying with a different unit which threw his dates. We were already trying and thought about waiting when we got this news, but decided that planning around his career may be an impossible feat. We've already attempted that several times in different circumstances and it just hadn't worked out.  Anyone in, or ever have been, in a similar situation? Any advice?

Re: Due Date and Deployment

  • Congratulations and welcome.  I have not been in that situation and we are trying to plan so it doesn't work out that way, but you never know.  The only advice I can give though is to make sure you talk with the American Red Cross and have your information ready to give them, or to give to your doctor and/or whoever will be with you when you deliver.  If any complications were to happen during the pregnancy or labor, the Red Cross will be the ones to get the information to your H and possibly look into getting him home if possible (in an emergency situation, not for a standard delivery).  It's best to plan ahead for this so that there is no delay in getting the information, and a designated person can call and supply the verifying information to Red Cross for you.
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  • A friend of mine had their first kid shortly after her husband deployed with mine.  She picked a good buddy to be her birth coach, and asked a few of us to help out with other things for the delivery.  She and her husband discussed a goodly chunk of what they could before he deployed, and she basically implemented it.

     

    She also hired a doula for the delivery.  That might be worth considering, although it might not be an inexpensive option.  I think that helped her, too.

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  • imageAudette:

    A friend of mine had their first kid shortly after her husband deployed with mine.  She picked a good buddy to be her birth coach, and asked a few of us to help out with other things for the delivery.  She and her husband discussed a goodly chunk of what they could before he deployed, and she basically implemented it.

     

    She also hired a doula for the delivery.  That might be worth considering, although it might not be an inexpensive option.  I think that helped her, too.

    I cannot remember the program but Doulas are provided when a SM cannot be at the birth because of deployment. Maybe look into that? I'm sure her FRG has information on it and it's worth a shot to see if there are any doulas in her area working with that program.
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  • Last I heard, there was a company that was paying for doulas if your H was deployed. I'm sure if you google free doula for deployed spouses or something you'll be able to find it.


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  • Thanks for your responses and suggestions! I'll definitely look into the free doulas.
  • NSLNSL member
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    imageJoie80:
    Thanks for your responses and suggestions! I'll definitely look into the free doulas.
    Free doula services are only offered to spouses of service members falling under a specific income threshold. My H is a Captain, I work full time, and we didn't even come close to qualifying when our second was born midway through his deployment. I had my mom in the delivery room with me, the FRG leader checked in often to make sure we were okay, and thanks to the Internet H knew everything that was happening in real time. I never involved the Red Cross. I'd see if your hospital offers Wifi/Skype, and then cross your fingers that your H has good Internet access. There's so much you can't know about communication before they get there, but hopefully once he deploys you can start making plans for how to handle the birth. Oh, and if you don't have a good support system locally now, start developing one. Mine really saved my sanity!
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  • imageAudette:

    She also hired a doula for the delivery.  That might be worth considering, although it might not be an inexpensive option.  I think that helped her, too.

    Do some checking around- there may be someone who needs the experience that may do it for free or reduced rates. Start looking early so you have time to look around and get on their schedule- most will not take clients with due dates within a certain range so they don't chance them going into labor at the same time. We had one sit in on out Lamaze class that offered her services to anyone in the class for free (first come, first serve obviously since we were all due about the same time).

    Had DH been gone as we thought he was going to be, I likely would have gone this route as well.

     

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  • I was looking into this with a friend of mine in the same situation.  As NSL said there is an income guideline to get one for free.  The hospital where my friend is delivering gave her a list of Doula's in the area, and some are student doulas offering a reduced rate(as kdodge was saying).  So I would see if your hospital or clinic can give you some more info.  HTH and GL.
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  • My DH was deployed when our LO was born (two years ago today!). DH had recently gotten to his assignment, so we knew that trying to time his R&R with LO's EDD was not an option--which was good as LO was born (by emergency c-section) 13 days after his EDD. Personally, the stress of trying to time R&R with the EDD would have been too much for all of us, but, to each his own!

    I was fortunate that the Army paid to move me where ever I wanted (DH was on a MiTT assignment). I moved to where my parents and my brother, and his family live. I rented my own house (I could not imagine living with my parents at this point in my life!). My SIL agreed to be my labor coach, and was there with me for the c-section. My parents and DH's parents were all at the hospital for LO's birth.

    My DH had a personal cell phone while he was in Iraq, so we did not involve the Red Cross at all, even though we had multiple complications. It was nice being able to reach him whenever I wanted (though, I typically waited for him to call me, it was less expensive that way). But, I don't know who decides who is allowed to purchase personal cell phones.

    My family was a huge support to me while DH was deployed, I could not have done it alone. So, unless you have family nearby who you can count on, make certain that you have a good support network in place. (Remember these are two-way relationships!)

    Now that my son is two, I am thankful to have DH home (he redeployed when LO was nine months). Chasing a toddler is so much more challenging than caring for a baby (though--the newborn stage is very hard, but my parents basically lived with me at that point). It was difficult having DH gone for LO's first nine months, but LO does not know/remember that his Dada was not there.

    Best of luck. It's not what anyone wants, but as military spouses, we learn to deal. Embrace the suck!
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  • I was afraid the doula offer would be income-based. I'll continue to explore all the options listed. Thanks again for all your advice.
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