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Need to vent...having a rough time
I feel bad complaining about what I'm about to complain about because I know in the grand scheme of things it's so trivial, but I feel like I have no one to vent to and I just need to blurt it out.
1) I have been trying for 3 months to lose the baby weight. Nothing has come off. I have been working out so hard, eating well, and the weight will not come off. Before Lucie when I tried to diet it came off so easily and now I look at pictures of me back then and want to slap myself for thinking I needed to lose weight. I'm sick of people who are NOT overweight saying that they are fat - if you're not in the overweight category for your weight and height then really, you're not fat. I'm officially 30 lbs overweight for my height so want to lose 30 lbs. Remind me of this post if I get back to where I was and I start complaining again. I'm SERIOUS. I'm looking at photos of myself about 3 years ago around my birthday and wishing I could look like that again.
2) I'm being taken advantage of at work. I KNOW that it's my own fault but I have an inability to say no and my boss knows that and is taking advantage of me. I'm exhausted. I've worked 42 hours in the last 10 days and when you're doing that at home, it's a lot because it's all when Lucie is sleeping. I feel like DH and I need to spend quality time together and we just don't have that anymore. On top of that, Lucie's sleeping is awful. She's waking up at 3 every morning screaming and I am no longer able to breastfeed her. I didn't think I was getting any milk but kept trying and I haven't fed her in a week and haven't even leaked, so I know she wasn't getting anything.
3) I can't even count my friends on one hand anymore it feels like. No one wants to see me unless I bring Lucie or if I'm doing a favor for them like being a taxi service - of course I love Lucie, but I need some time away from her too. Maybe a girls night out or something. I can't get friends to return calls and I'm feeling depressed. I miss my bff so much and wish she wasn't on the other side of the country.
Ok, just needed to get this out and thanks to anyone who actually read it. I guess I'm just exhausted and feeling lonely and then frustrated that I'm trying so hard with my weight and nothing is working. Believe me, working out 6x a week for 45 minutes does not seem worth it if nothing is happening. I'd much rather use those 45 minutes for a nap!
I hope I don't sound so selfish because these things are so trivial really. I have a good life. I have a great family. And I know so many people have so much more important crap to deal with. It's just been one of those weeks.
Re: Need to vent...having a rough time
Craft Blog
Bless your heart! I know you're completely exhausted. That's the way I was when I first started back to work after S was born. Ugh. It was awful.
Instead of spending all your spare time working out, use it for sleeping! That is probably slowing down a lot of your weight loss. If your body isn't getting any rest, it's just going to hang on to that extra weight for energy.
I hope things get better!
Vent away... I feel a lot of your pain... we can talk!
1st... the baby weight and losing it... FRUSTRATING!!! I don't know if anyone has told you, but it is harder for us girls to lose after a c-section, not to mention no matter how much you lose, you will always have this awful 'shelf' thingy hanging from your lower belly that just does not want to go away. I have complained to my dr for 2 years, and she said the only thing is a tummy tuck... ummm, not an option for me. Also, the stress you have been under is not helping. You have good stress, yes, because you're a mommy, as well as bad stress, but neither is helping. Take pride in your body and just do the best you can and soon, Lucie will be toddling around and you'll be more active with her and you'll find a little more relaxation thru it all because of it. Make sense?
Your boss is a twat waffle... nothing else I can say about that. She is still using you and only you can put your foot down. I know standing up for yourself is difficult, but there comes a point, babe! You can do it!!! I know you can!
I have very few friends as well. I live out here in the middle of the country and no one lives close, and they all work and have there own things to do when they aren't working. My closest friend (who also lives closest) isn't married nor a mom, so she just doesn't get that there are certain things I have to do as a mom, and sometimes I just can't drop everything to go and do stuff. DH still goes and plays on the boat every other week, and I find that SO frustrating, because I stay home all week and do the mommy thing and the wife thing every. single. day. He comes home to a clean house, and we rarely go to eat, so he has a good meal in front of him at lunch and dinner. In 5 weeks, I will be having another baby, and will really never get out of the house. I feel fried. Also, because of our location, we only get a baby sitter maybe every 2-3 months, and I spend that day on the boat doing what Drew wants just so I can spend alone time with him. He never wants to do anything else with me. I actually feel lucky right now because I get a few hours a week that DH watches Bug, but that is only so I can go drive an hour 15 minutes to the dr, and get my u/s or nst done, then drive an hour 15 minutes back. Not really a relaxing few hours =( It's important for us moms to not burn ourselves out, but what choice do we have. It really sucks, and I know how you feel. Like Gina said, we can talk or skype... too bad skype hasn't figured out the conference call yet. Text/call me if you need me
(((((hugs)))))
in addition.... the girl's night out I had a few weeks ago.... that was the 2nd I had since becoming a mom... =(
Vent away sweetie. We are all here for each other.
I do agree with a few others that if you don't rest your body is going to fight you and that could be one of the reasons for not losing. I know when I was trying to lose weight I learned that I was not eating enough calories and that is part of the reason why I was losing it slowly, and I think not getting enough sleep could be some of the reason too. I know you want to lose and you have been doing a great job so far but don't beat yourself up over it. Try to get some rest and then start it back up. Hopefully that will make a world of difference.
I hate that she is doing that to you but only you can put your foot down. I know you enjoy the work and don't want to see it go down the pits, but it is not your responsibility to make sure the place is running smoothly and not going downhill, but I know you care about it and it is hard to see it go the way she is taking it. Maybe after the conference is over with put your foot down and don't let her take advantage of you. Remind her again of the rules and stick to them and if you keep sticking to them then she will have to, hopefully, get the picture. If all else fails go to that member of the board again and talk with them as something needs to be done, but remember it is not your responsibility, but maybe just talk to her and express your concerns.
On the friend thing I understand. I have a few friends here but we don't hang out all the time because of schedule and because 2 of them are single they hang out more. We try to have book club (girl's night mostly) about once a month, but sometimes that is stretch to every other month. One friend I have is a nurse so she works crazy hours and the other is leaving for South Africa. The mommies at church are SAHM and so it is hard to do anything because I work and they don't and they do most of their stuff during the day. I have looked into mommy and me groups and hopefully I can join one of them but my problem is I have a hard time meeting people and I am pretty shy until I get to know someone, so I don't know how I will fit into those groups.
Have you looked on meetup.com to see about mommy groups? Even if you just go to playdates every once in a while that could lead to some friendships and some night outs. I know some of the ladies on the GPM board go to the meetups and they made friendships and have had some girl nights with some of the ladies they made friends with.
Lucie is great and I know you enjoy spending time with her but you do need some time for yourself. If A could take her for a couple of hours and you could rest, go see a movie, get a pedi, go to the park or something I think that might help. Could your mom or MIL watch Lucie, say once a month, and you and A can at least have a date night once a month? Even if it is just you guys have a nice dinner at home or a cheap dinner out and then walk around somewhere.
I know it is hard and I hope that you will be able to find a balance in everything and make some friends (it is hard when you have noone there for you).
I do wish I lived closer to all of you because you know I would take care of your little ones in a heartbeat or have lunch or whatever.
Thinking of you.