Family Matters
love2yoga
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
When to visit friends after their baby arrives?
My husband and I have very close friends who are expecting their first child within a week or so, they are the first of our friends to have a baby and we couldn't be more excited for this little one to get here!
They live about 3 hours away, so we'd prefer to stay and visit for a couple hours not just a drop by for 20 min. to meet the little one and leave. There's nothing within an hour of their house to go do or see so the only reason to go is to visit. How long do you think we should wait after baby is born is call & see if it's a good time to visit? We don't want to overwhelm them, but we're very excited to meet baby & of course will bring a good home cooked meal.
Re: When to visit friends after their baby arrives?
Definitely not right after they get home from the hospital - I remember a girlfriend coming to see my baby the day I got home, she was over for a couple of hours, and all I wanted to do was lay down and go to sleep...
I would give them at least a week or two at home before you call them and ask what they would like you to do. Don't be hurt if they don't want a long visit - the first several weeks of new parenthood are brutal.
To talk about an actual VISIT, I'd call them maybe a week or two after the baby is born. Tell them you'd like to come when they feel up to you being there for a couple hours. THen perhaps offer your services - tell them that while you're there, you'd like to do some laundry for them, run to the store if they need it.... just something to make them feel like they don't have to "entertain" you.
Maybe offer to bring something easy over to whip up for them - something that you can leave for them to eat after your gone.
Then to not pressure, say "talk it over and I'll touch base in a few days".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I agree!
Everyone is different, but I did NOT want people coming over for hour+ long visits for a good month or so after baby was born - I was tired and a hormonal mess, having company would have put me over the edge. And I would have been more upset to have company at my house doing housework - sorry, in my world that's not really helping me, it's making me feel like a slob that has to be picked up after.
I would ask them when they would like you to visit. My friend had many people visit in the first few weeks and about a month later when she could have used some help, everyone had their fill of the new baby.
Somewhere after the first 2 to 3 weeks.
I had a baby last fall and remember how ungodly annoyed I was at anyone who called me.
With that said, I think a week after the baby is home (not born, as I was in the hospital 5 days so he was 6 days old before I could bring him home), send her an email saying something like when she is ready, you'd like to come by for a late afternoon, bring dinner and clean up, and do any laundry or errands she needs done. Give her the power to say a date.
If she isn't good with email, call her DH. I threw my blackberry into a basket when I got home and did not pick it back up for more than 2 weeks.
There is no not overwhelming them. The first 2 months with a new baby is a huge, overwhelming blur.
Another thing- if she's breastfeeding, get comfortable with it if you aren't already. DS nursed what seemed like every 30 minutes in the early weeks and I had no modesty whatsoever- his needs came first. Combine that with the stitches and my bladder recovery, I said "eff it, I am not getting up off the couch to go nurse him in private!"
If you're planning to stay longer than 20 minutes, don't come until the baby's 4-6 weeks old. It really does take that long for people to start feeling somewhat normal and sociable again, especially with a first baby.
They know how far away you live; they know that any visit you make will be with the sole purpose of seeing them and the new baby. Intentionally or not, that's putting a lot of pressure on them to say yes to a long visit they will likely not be up for.
Let them get on some kind of a routine and settle their lives back to normal so that you can both enjoy your time together.