May 2008 Weddings
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Moral Dilema - WWYD?

This may be lengthy since I haven't updated in awhile:

So, remember my boss's husband had all the migrane problems. Well it's gotten way out of hand. As in he got hooked on his pain meds, ended up in a rehab in CA that cost like $50K per month (no exaggeration). We thought he was going crazy, but then realized he was hooked on the drugs. Very long story, boss was threatening divorce, etc.

He was in CA for two months and started doing better. Then started having seizures (which he's had in the past randomly), but he's on seizure meds. The place thought he took something (like got ahold of pills), but he didn't - blood work was clean.

He's put through test, after test, after test (like he was when all of this started) and finally someone figures out that he has some iron build up thing (forgot the name) along with this other genetic disease. Apparently it causes neurological problems along with pain and things, etc. So the drug rehab people decide he's not really addicted to drugs - he has a true medical problem. They aren't a medical facility so they send him home. They say they're scared for his life and he needs help STAT.

He's back here now waiting to go see a specialist, but they can't get an appointment. WTF, right?? So they're just keeping him at home with his parents or friends monitoring him 24hrs a day while she calls all these other doctors to try to get him in.

It's a huge mess and my boss now feels SUPER guilty for threatening to divorce him - she thought he was a junkie and he's truly ill. She cries all the time and she's not a crier. It's very stressful for her and we're all doing anything we can to help her.

Which leads me to my question....in the midst of all of this she gives me a check for $1,000 with a note thanking me for holding down the fort at the office. So, I give it back with a note that I appreciate it, but I can't take that money (she is currently financially strained due to the $100K of rehab bills). She gives it back with a note that says to kiss her a$$ and deposit or else (she's funny like that).

So WWYD? I don't want to deposit it. I feel like it's morally wrong to take money from someone when you know they need it more than you. She won't let me give it back though. Problem is I do her books - I see her accounts - I KNOW she needs the money, but I don't want to embarass her by continuing to give it back.

Wow, that was super long....so deposit it or don't? Or maybe deposit it and buy her a present??

imageAlways Painted,Usually Chipped Disclaimer - This is not a nail polish blog.

Re: Moral Dilema - WWYD?

  • wow. your poor boss. i guess you keep it since she won't take it back. you are in a unique position because most recopients dont see the accounts of their gift givers. but ultimately it's her decision what she can and cannot afford. good luck with whatever you decide. you are nice to be concerned and i am sure you have been a lifesaver for her in one of the most stressful times of her life.
    Me:39 Dx LPD, Fibroid, AMA and all that goes with that. H:37 Dx low motility and low morphology. TTC since 3/12. Clomid 8/12 and 9/12: BFN. 11/12 on a break for Myomectomy sched. 11/26. Resume TTC early 2013.
  • Ok I'm going to talk about the first part and then the second.

    So ok they have determined something really is wrong with him which is apparent but wouldn't you say he still had a pill problem?  He may have been taking them for the migraines and pain but he still was taking them all of the time right?

    Secondly yes that is really tough since you do her books but like MD said it is ultimately her decision and since you tried to give it back once and she didn't want any of that I would deposit it.

    Maybe you can take some of that money and you and her have a spa day or something (if you're close enough to eachother).

  • imagecolenmike:

    Ok I'm going to talk about the first part and then the second.

    So ok they have determined something really is wrong with him which is apparent but wouldn't you say he still had a pill problem?  He may have been taking them for the migraines and pain but he still was taking them all of the time right?

    Secondly yes that is really tough since you do her books but like MD said it is ultimately her decision and since you tried to give it back once and she didn't want any of that I would deposit it.

    Maybe you can take some of that money and you and her have a spa day or something (if you're close enough to eachother).

    On the first part - it's really confusing. We thought he was just having migranes, but it turns out those were an offshoot of the underlying more serious things. He did get hooked on the pain pills, but not to the extent she thought. I guess the "crazy" side effects were more from the neurological problems. The people at the rehab center keep telling her he's not like a "normal" drug addict. It's kind of hard to determine what was really going on at this point.

    The spa day would be good if she had time for it....I was thinking about ordering her some sunglasses since the last ones she ordered were bifocals and she didn't notice until she got them in. ha!

    imageAlways Painted,Usually Chipped Disclaimer - This is not a nail polish blog.
  • I agree with Cole.  You tried to return it, but since she didn't let you accept the gift graciously and then try to do something nice for her with at least some of the money, but don't spend all of it (or even a majority of it) on her or she may be offended.  It is a sucky situation to be in.
  • Wow I hope they get to the root cause of his issues soon.

    I agree with everyone else. You tried to give it back to her and she insisted. I like the spa idea or just put it away and save it. You might think of something better to do with it down the road. 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I'm with PPs. I think you would insult your boss if you do not take it and deposit it. While you do her finances and think she needs it, she obviously thinks it's worth it to give it to you. You're probably going to be under a lot of pressure at the office in the future and will do better knowing how much she appreciates your hard work.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • ahhh ok that makes sense! 
  • Okay, I deposited it. I think I'll search for something for her that will make her happy.

    Thanks for talking this through with me!

    imageAlways Painted,Usually Chipped Disclaimer - This is not a nail polish blog.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards