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Loss of a pet
One of our cats died last night. Laverne was 15 years old, and DH has had her since she just two months old. She was a beautiful Russian Blue who loved cheddar cheese only slightly less than curling up on our left shoulder and purring so loudly that we couldn't hear the TV over it. At night, she would wait until we were done talking and the sneak into our bed and curl up between our pillows to sleep, sometimes purring in her sleep throughout most of the night.
Even though she was getting older and had a few related issues to that (lost a little weight and her vision and hearing were getting worse), she was otherwise healthy and vibrant. It came as quite a shock. We weren't home when it happened, but it appears to have been peaceful (thankfully), and looked like she just went to sleep and didn't wake up. We'll be having her cremated this afternoon.
That said, DH feels like he didn't get to say "goodbye" properly. (I, of course loved her dearly, but didn't know her for nearly as long as DH). For those of you who have lost a pet, was there anything that you did to say goodbye after it happened that helped give you a sense of peace or closure?
Re: Loss of a pet
No advice, but just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. She sounds like she was an absolutely wonderful pet who will be dearly missed.
I feel your pain. I lost my best buddy unexpectedly in March. My husband and I both wrote a letter to him in our joint diary. This isn't a cure-all, however. For us, the only thing that helped was to really grieve and let yourself feel everything you feel. Dont repress any feelings. In time, you will find peace with it even if you miss your cat. It's not a quick process.
We also adopted a cat from a shelter. EVERYONE says that this is a bad idea but I think it depends on your state of mind. We didn't adopt to try to replace our beloved cat but to help make sense of his sudden passing. If he didn't die when he did, our new cat, who has stolen our hearts, would be who knows where and would not be a part of our life. We adopted very cautiously but are very happy we did.
On a funnier note, I do know what doesn't work. Don't listen to the Lion King musical for awhile. We saw it in London last May and I cried my eyes out through the entire thing! I know I said you shouldn't hold in feelings but I felt ridiculous :P
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's never easy.
We just lost our Boxer in April. She was 9 years old. It was one of the hardest things DH has ever had to do. She was his dog. He'd had her since she was 3 months old. She fit in the palm of one hand when he got her. Thankfully for us, we put her down, so it was kind of on our timeline (still too soon), we knew it was coming and had time to say goodbye. For me, the closure was how peaceful the process was. It felt like she just went to sleep. But I was there to hold her paw and pet her as she went.
Our therapist told us that a lot of people actually have funerals for their pets when they die to get that sense of peace and closure. It doesn't have to be a huge deal, but just getting together and remembering her. Setting aside a special time to say goodbye. Also he said that a lot of people like to spread ashes in their favorite place. We couldn't do that because Madison's favorite place was wherever DH was.
I know DH pulled out all kinds of old pictures of her and I think that helped too.
Hope that helps. Unfortunately, there really isn't much you can do. It's just like losing a human. Sad and painful and very helpless.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. My parents had to put our family dog down a few years ago and it was very hard on us all. I bought my parents a memorial stone and they placed it over where they buried his ashes. What I also liked about this idea it's a memento they can take with them if/when they ever sell their house and a way he can always be with them.
Something like this might help with closure and peace...at least it did for our family.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/mainlinedesigns
Born 37w4d on 09/27/11 - 5lbs 10oz 19 inches
Thank you for all of your support, even if reading the replies almost sets me off crying again! I think maybe we'll try gathering some pictures and telling stories about her to ourselves (we did do this a bit last night and this morning and it seemed to help). It's torture, but a cathardic one.
Blondie, I love the memorial stone idea. I think that is something that DH would really appreciate.
I'm so sorry... losing a pet is so heartbreaking. When we lost our pet bunny last year (way too young, very unexpectedly), we were both devestated. The house felt empty--like there was this bunny-shaped hole in our hearts.
Things that helped us through the grieving process (similar to things suggested by pp):
1. At the advice of my aunt, we grabbed a notebook and just started recording all of our memories of him. Everything-- his cute and naughty behaviors, what foods he liked, our various nick-names for him... basically every time we found ourselves saying "remember when Mr. Hop Hop would do...", we'd stop and write it down. It wasn't a fancy notebook, but somehow it felt very therapeutic to have a collection of our memories recorded... and it helped us smile and try to focus on the happiness he brought us, even though our time with him was too short.
2. We had a custom memorial stone made for him (ordered from 4EverInMyHeart.Com) and buried him in our garden. We didn't have a ceremony or anything, but just the process of digging the hole and saying one last goodbye as we buried him seemed helpful. We then planted the garden with lots of flowers and herbs, and I dubbed it "The Mr. Hop Hop Memorial Herb Garden", which again, just made us smile.
3. We got a new bunny a lot sooner than we anticipated we would. It just kind of happened that way, but it ended up being really good for us, because like a pp said--he wasn't a replacement for our previous bunny, but it just felt "right" having a bunny in the house again, and it helped us remember "Bunny #1" by comparing their behaviors, etc. It was bittersweet, but I think it helped us to have something happy to focus on while we continued to grieve.
I'm so sorry. My very first pet that was my responsibility died when we weren't home and I think that is so much harder than having to put them to sleep. Like you said, you don't get to say goodbye and you're not at all prepared. I hope you can take comfort in knowing you gave her a really happy life and that she died peacefully.
I think everyone gave really good suggestions.
Tired after a long morning of hiking and swimming.