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*update* BFF & her words... (long)
To those that asked on PP, been BFF's for over 20 yrs & never had issues like this until last year... well, I had my fill of her Fri & Sat & have decided to just ease my way out of our friendship. She called Fri to say that she is not moving in with BF. BF set some 'rules' and her kids do not agree. See, 18 yr old DS is heavy pot smoker & 15 yr old DD has been in trouble with law. I told her that I cannot blame her BF for the rules, is his house & he knows their history, but that her kids always come first, no matter what. She agreed & decided not to move in with him. I thought she finally wised up, that was until she called Sat. She decided that her kids are not going to dictate her life & that she blames them for her not moving in. Said that she will not let the best thing that happened to her go & that she is tired of her kids coming first & from now on, her BF will be first and foremost. Then had the nerve to say that she told her DS he has until March 1st (after 19th b-day) to either get own place or join Navy (like he planned) & that DD will have to get over it, or live with other relatives. She said that they ruin her life, her plans & that she & BF cannot do what they want with kids around.
When I told her that she already ignores them & leaves them to fend for themselves while she 'lives' with BF, she of course got mad & told me to mind my own. The one reason I have stayed friends with her this last year is b/c of her kids. They call me 'aunt' & I call when they need something. I keep check on them and help when I can. I've listened to her DS gripe & her DD cry about being ignored, but I have had it. So, I decided to tell them I am still here for them, but told her off. My question is... I know that they are older, but was it wrong to tell them to call, even if I am no longer speaking with BFF?
Re: *update* BFF & her words... (long)
Of course they should call you, especially the 15 year old. Obviously, there is a limit to what you can do and how you can help if you are not speaking to their mother, but a trusted family friend would be the ideal choice for a call if they needed it.
And time will tell if you two "aren't speaking" or not. I have a feeling that the phone calls haven't quite stopped yet, even if you did tell her the truth.
I think it is very nice of you to let them know you are still there for them. If your BF was a man - we'd say she was thinking with her pen*s....
It annoys me to no end when a parent disregards their children so easily for a bf/gf/spouse.
I would just be careful that the kids actually do call and want your help - ex, have them move in w/you etc because she has kicked them out.
I learned with my nieces that I had to be careful with what they told me. Sure, my sister is flaky and puts #3 Husband wayyyy before them but I have to remember they are venting to me in the heat of the moment per se and that maybe things are not always as bad as they seem - oh they could be much better......
I agree, I have a niece qwho calls me and has asked to move in with me about 20 times, she is only 12 and my sister and her do not get alone all the time. But when she does call, I will take her for a walk or something and talk to her. She always agrees that staying with her mother is the best thing to do.
My sister is a single mom who had her daughter at 16, so its been rough, and I did live with my sister to help her out untill I got engaged about 2 years ago, so I am her "BFF". and I love it!
Oh, I completely agree that they need rules! They get away with everything b/c she is never around. But she will not move in, even with the rules, b/c she is afraid that her BF will dump her b/c her kids are so bad. I made her mad when I told her that she needed to put her foot in their a$$ and make rules of her own.