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Giving Gifts Question
I don't know what to do in this situation so I wanted to give a shout out and see what others would do so here is my question.
First, a little insight my bro-in law had a child with a girl and me and my husband have been giving gifts for all B-day's and X-Mas we always made a point to buy something expensive because of the situation (we never recieve thank-you's). The little boy will be 4 the end of this month. Now the brother in law got married to this other girl and they just had a child together. I bought a gift for her as a shower gift (expensive as well). They live out of the country so we only see them once a year and then for the other little boy he lives in the same state but we see him once a year as well.
Me and my husband had a baby girl and for my shower my mother in law just wrote my sister in laws name on it. Then for x-mas they bought her a hat one that was hand made from etsy which never fit her head and it sucked because it wasn't a winter hat too. Then for our baby's first B-day all they sent was a card with nothing in it except saying can't wait to see you and happy 1st b-day.
Now what would you do for their baby girl for x-mas and b-day's? Also, would you still buy gifts for his boy that I don't see except for once a year? I was going to stop buying gifts when he was 5 years old but now I feel I should stop all together since they did not do the same for our baby. How would you handle this situation? Should I say screw it and still buy gifts for both but limit the amount of money? ahhh I hate situations like this!
Re: Giving Gifts Question
Well, obviously there is the arguement that you should give from your heart. That gift giving isn't a "tit for tat" thing.
However, I have a hard time being generous w/ people who are never generous in return. I'm not talking "tit for tat", per se. But when you're pretty generous w/ someone and ONE time they have a chance to kind of, in a little way, "repay" the generosity and they don't...?? Eh, I'm inclined to stop being so generous.
There is also the arguement that you shouldn't punish the kids for the errors of their parents. But even then... you see each of these kids maybe once a year? What kind of relationship do you really forsee having w/ either child? And do they really appreciate the generosity? Honestly, probably not. At least not at this age.
You have to do what feels right for you. I personally don't think you're wrong if you decide to pull back on the gift giving.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I would agree with PP about the "tit for tat" thing. I would also not be as generous in the future. Also, do you even know if these gifts are being used? Regifted? Or tossed? That would also play a role for me too.
Are they like this with everyone or just you?
The gifts I have given the little boy I know end up staying at my mother in laws house because he is very spoiled and they want to keep some toys there so when he comes and visits there will be stuff for him to play with. (Which is another reason why i wasn't going to give anything anymore).
I'm not sure what they do with others since my husband and me are the only other siblings that are married and have kids.
Also, I'm sure they used the gifts that we gave the baby girl because we sent them to their house and I saw the stuff in a picture.
I would stop going out of your way to get expensive gifts for the kids.
If you want to give them a little gift, fine, but if you want to stop giving gifts entirely and chalk it up to the age thing then that's up to you. But like a PP said, you should be giving gifts because you WANT to, not because you expect something in return. It's not the kids' fault that their parents are rude.
Also, seeing as how you never got a thank you from the very beginning, I don't really get why you ever expected to get anything nice from them once you had a baby of your own. I also don't get why you kept buying expensive things once it was clear that they weren't appreciated. I get why you're frustrated at their rudeness, but I think you kind of set yourself up for this disappointment and frustration.
I've learned long ago that it is better to just stop caring than it is to expect something back. My SIL is 28 and a major pothead. A few years ago dh and I got her an expensive ($100) camera for her birthday (normally our budget is $40 per sibling). A few months later she pawned it for drug money. Then, the next year she had the audacity to ask for one again. Ummm... hell to the no. After that we just get her a $20 gift for Christmas and nothing for her birthday.
Gift giving is supposed to be about the person you're giving to, but sometimes their lack of grace or generosity can change your opinion about them come gift time!
I have a similar situation of sorts with my husband?s brother and his fiance. She has a kid from a previous relationship that even before they were engaged, I would buy him great xmas gifts and such. In the 5 xmas?s that Dh and I have been together, we have never got a gift from his brother, or a thank you for his gifts. When he started dating his now fiance, I would get her and her son great gifts, still no thank-you?s or gifts back. We never got a wedding gift from them either. They are getting married soon and I honestly just don?t want to buy them a gift at all since they never appreciate our gifts. I realize that it may cause issues with my In-laws that we didn?t get them a gift, but why should we be held to higher standards?
I?m still not sure what I will do this xmas, I think I will still get a gift for her son because it is not his fault, but you need to figure out what make you feel the best. The whole reason you should be giving someone a gift is because you want to, not because you feel obligated to. I hope you can find what will work best for both you and your family because I?m still trying to figure it out.