Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
S/o - where you are now poll and freak out
The "Are you where you thought you'd be" poll from a few days ago kind of sent my mind into a spin and last night I unloaded on DH. Thankfully he has a lot of the same feelings as me, so we both just whined and panicked a bit.
But seriously - I can't stop thinking about how I am 32 and no where near the career I want, hell I don't even know what career I want!. We are trying to sell our condo, but that isn't really going well - and whenever it does sell, we plan on moving into an apartment (ugh) until we decide our next steps - -
- - -And then things get crazy - because where are we going? DH is taking of going back for his masters (in music) - but the good programs for him are few and far between (U of M is NOT a good option), so that might influence where we move. Or he might decide against that and we move somewhere to be in a warmer climate and near the ocean. OR we might just stay put if I can find a job that makes me happy and provides us some stability. OR OR OR. It is all so unknown at the moment. I do NOT like the unknown!
So we don't know where we'll be living in a year - or two or three. And given that, we'll probably stick with apartment living - which I hate. I want a house, a yard, a garden, I want space and freedom to decorate/paint/change . . . and I want to start a family at some point, but I feel that with everything so up in the air, that point is way waaaaay in the future. Again, I'm 32, so saying that a family - even starting to try for one - is 3 or 4 years off has some potentially serious impilications.
THEN - throw this one in the mix: DH mentioned last night that he wants to move back to England but knows I don't want to. He thinks that the US is great, but to really take full advantage of it, you have to have lots of money (to travel, do hobbies, etc) and things are just easier in England (state benefits like paid maternity, healthcare, loads of vacation time, etc). Plus, he could go back to his old job teaching in the school system and is half-way to his teaching certification there (to be a full time music teacher). And while I love England, I do not like the fact that to buy even a closet-sized apartment in a dodgy area will cost you $200k, minimum, and that everything is so much more expensive and the public schools are awful and everything is shut-down at 5 pm . . . again, to ME, England is wonderful IF you have money and can afford a nice house, private schools, etc.
Yeah . . . the point of all this random whining? I guess I was wondering if anyone else has been kept awake at night thinking about that poll and freaking out about the direction of their lives? Does anyone else feel anxiety and frustration with their lives now and their future - - -or am I just 'special" in this regard?
ETA: But, in a slight silver lining to all the anxiety, last night DH finally admitted that he DOES want a family and DOES want children at some point. To me that is a HUGE step forward for him as he has spent the past several years on the fence and leaning toward not wanting them. So while I was freaking out last night, a part of me was smiling pretty widely when he said he wanted a family. awwww!
Re: S/o - where you are now poll and freak out
Actually yes, I do know how you feel. H and I are both kinda in career crisis (if that's the right word). H has been in his current job for almost 9 yrs and is ready for something new. Luckily, the field he wants is starting to hire again so there is a good chance he'll get into a better position in the next few months. A year ago I went from one field (social work) to a completely different one (Payroll/HR). While I am super glad I made the transition, I basically had to start at the bottom and I'm working my way up. I never thought at almost 29 with a 4-yr degree that I would be starting all over.
With that said, H had brought up the idea of moving to Arizona. This is something we had discussed off and on for a couple years. His current company is expanding so there's more opportunity in Phoenix, since that's their next growth area. The company I work for is national, so I could easily transfer. Of course, we own our townhome and would be leaving friends and both sets of parents. Along with that, my dad has been sick over the last few months and I would feel bad leaving him to move almost 2000 miles away. Plus H and I would like to start a family in the next couple years and it would be a lot harder being away from our families.
So I guess I don't really have that much advice since H and I are kind of in the same spot as you guys. The only thing that has kind of helped me is to set short-term goals. We know we can't sell anytime soon so that's on our long-term goal list. Some of our short-term goals are for H to keep applying for jobs in the field he wants, save money, take trips when we can, etc. Good luck to you guys, I know it can be hard making those big decisions, but really weighing the pros and cons of all of it can help.
The poll got me thinking.
The Mr. and I talked last night about me working part-time and performing ceremonies part-time instead of working full-time. He got on board with me working part-time. Secretly, I think he likes having me home doing things around the house and running errands.
Having said that, I have to find a way to be comfortable in the unknown that is awaiting us.
Tired after a long morning of hiking and swimming.
My problem isn't that my life isn't where I thought it would be per se, it's more that there is too much unknown going on. I want to PLAN and right now our plans depend so much on what others do, I can't actually PLAN anything.
We are getting ready to try to sell our house. But we are planning to move to DH's dad house (after he moves out). But we don't know when DH's dad is going to be out of his house. And we don't know when or if our house will actually sell. Not to mention I don't really want to go to DH's dad's house. He will sell it to us eventually, but I'm not sure I want to own that house and live there for the rest of my life. Where is DD going to school next year? Do I need to start enrolling her in a different district? Lots of stuff like that.
On top of that, the fact that I'm going to be a grandma at barely 34, has me freaked out. All the things that go with the whole grandma thing in my situation, with my DD being 16 has me freaked out. There are so many unknowns with it. Will DD be able to do what it takes to care for a baby? Financially, emotionally, etc. Where does that put me (and DH) if she doesn't or can't?
I feel like my life is upside down and backward and not necessarily in a good way.
My Cooking Blog
Thanks for the replies, ladies!
It is always so reassuring to know that when you feel like you are going crazy, you probably have good company!
Thinking about it more, I realized that another thing that spurred all this anxiety was DH talking about trips he wants to take. To BC and the Southwest for biking/hiking, to Scotland to sight-see and hike, a roadtrip across France, etc , , , it all sounds so wonderful but then once I start looking at the logistics of time and money, it seems impossible! We spent all our vacation time (which really, we don't technically have, we just take time unpaid) visiting his parents and family and while it gets us to the UK, god forbid we want to venture anywhere else! Even taking a day trip somewhere results in a guilt-trip from his parents and THAT is not the sort of trip I want to have!
Ugh. It is all so complicated and I feel like we both want too much but to get one thing we have to sacrifice another. Want to travel? Gotta sacrifice having kids sooner or getting a better house. Want a house? Say good-bye to travel dreams . . .
Anyhow - thanks for the replies and for sharing your anxieties. I know everyone goes through similar things, but at the moment it seems like we have to make SO many huge life choices and we don't have what we need to make an informed decision on anything (such as "Where the frick are we going to be living!!"). If we could just make one concrete decision and make that a reality, then I think everything would fall into place - eventually. But in the meantime, I'll just keep reminding myself that this is how life can be sometimes and I gotta go with the flow because stressing out over the unknown won't do me any good!,