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Story book #1 - You think your MIL is CrAzY? warning- long
I'm gonna take casmgn's advice from a previous topic and write a story of the week on things my MIL has pulled over the years (11 now). I'll post new stuff as it happens but since we dont do a whole lot with her anymore, I'll mostly post past stuff as is comes to mind. I'll post a few at a time or else it will take me years. We do try to see our nephew on a semi-regular basis so we do deal with her occasionally but I dont have nearly as many "new" stories as I do past ones. I hope to entertain you all at least a little- and give you relief to know you arent the only one out there dealing with a CrAzY MIL. Many are things shes done to me, but many will also be with xSIL.
First let me begin by giving you an example of her vision of "her boys"... She has 2 sons only and I've "stolen" one of them. The other may as well be still breastfeeding he's so dependant on/attached to her. So there was an occasion where she was speaking with H's bosses wife alone and she does not know we are close. H's bosses kid is in travel cheerleading and so his wife was speaking about how busy she is with it. Well MIL went into a trance telling her all about the days when her and "her boys" would travel all over for their travel hockey leauge and they were SO CLOSE. HER family got to spend so time time together and they used to be so close knit together because they were always together. They did everything together and her life was so great with "her boys". Bosses wife said she literally got glazed over eyes and was in such a trance speaking about it, like an earthquake could've happened and she wouldnt notice.
So here I came along and ruined the closeness of HER family. Then xSIL came along and almost stole the other- but no worries, she didnt allow that to happen. Oh no, she put a stop to that as fast as she could, though not as fast as she would've liked.
So here are a few examples of things she's done, these things were when we seperated for a few months while trying to work out our problems and then planning our wedding.
1. When H and I were having problems, not all but mostly related to her- she was so desperate to make him not want to go to counseling with me but just end it, she tried to fabricate this story saying: wine enthusiast has been sleeping with your best friend and I've been witnessing it for YEARS. I've only kept quiet this long as to not hurt your feelings but I cant hold it in any longer. Though when H asked her which friend (as he has like 3 really close ones) she could not disclose the name. Um, nice try psycho because (a) I actually despise all 3 of those friends and think they are losers and (b) I am a really loyal person and dont have it in me to do even consider doing that. ever. and H knows it. That was the first time H realized she may actually just truely be nuts.
2. Tried to convice H to empty our checking account (joint) and open a new one in just his name with all the money. So basically steal all my money and leave me with no access to even one dollar. H did not do this and had to explain to her that he had no intention of stealing from someone he loves, he and I could handle the finances just fine during our hopefully temporary split. She could not grasp this as he should be entitled to everything.
3. Told H's entire extended family I beat him up and she had to rescue him because I was kicking him profusely to the head. (I am 5'2" - 100lb, H is 6'4" 240lb- so not even possible unless H was lying down, sleeping possibly?). H and I have never even been in any sort of domestic fight. ever. No idea where this came from but needless to say, extended family loves me and now thinks shes mentally lost it.
4. Told entire extended family I was obviously got pregnant out of wedlock and was planning a shot gun wedding, can you believe her lack of morals?!... when I set a Dec wedding date... in June. Yes, I would try to hide that I was, lets assume 7 months pregnant, since I would've had to be about a month along to even know. Not to mention I'd be in a swimsuit the whole week since the wedding was in the Keys. Fun fact: she got pregnant at 17, while in high school and not married- or engaged.
Well- sorry the first post was so long but now that you have a better grasp for her, I will keep future posts much shorter.
Re: Story book #1 - You think your MIL is CrAzY? warning- long
You do know that a lot of this is your H's fault right?
WTF do you continue to have a relationship with this woman? What positive comes of it? Why do you continue to go back for more?
You and your H have the power to end this, yet you choose not to do so,
How did she find out that you and he were going to be going to counseling?
Betcha a little bird told her. Wow --- that was between you and him, not between him, you and his mother. You should have been livid he spilled the beans -- that is, if he told her. Maybe you did -- but if he told her, you should have had an issue with him. Not her business to know. That stays between the 2 of you.
She's fraudulent, dishonest,fabricates stories (nice way to defamate your character), and makes up stories.
Why didn't your H tell her to eff off years ago??? I am sure that before you came along, she was the same with everybody he dated -- he needed to cut her out of his life long before you entered the pic.
The worm is in the apple. You COULD insist that he start standing up for you but not going to happen. You can either accept it as is or leave the spineless weasel -- the choice will be up to you.
I read it as her Dh (at the time BF?) was a mamma's boy and OP split. Dh, still the mamma's boy, told her about counselling. MIL started to make up stories and the Dh finally started to see the light that his Mom is crazy, went to counselling and became a unit with OP. Now they just sit back and enjoy the show that MIL puts on.
Does it strike anyone else as odd that you would be in counseling with someone an planning a wedding with them at the same time? Sue-sues MIL still gives any MIL a run for her money in the crazy department.
Yes, this was all stuff from many years ago. We haven't had any problems since counseling and that ended about 7 years ago. I'm just telling stories I can remember to amuse people who can relate. And I know the stuff sounds made up, but believe me, I couldnt even come up with this stuff, most of its so insane. A lot of my stories will be about xSIL in the future because we dont have any issues anymore.
I did deal with some crazy stuff while H was in a coma last year (traumatic brain injury) that I will post in the future, but I dealt with her and H never even knew about it. I temporarily lost my mind and thought she would change after she almost lost her son and trusted her for about a week. As soon as I let my guard down though, she started this crazy crap and I immediately put a stop to it (with FIL's help). I didnt feel it was necessary to tell H and stress him out while he was trying to heal mentally. If he'd been awake or even capable, he would've dealt with her but that wasnt even an option. He wasnt even mentally there for about 3 months once he woke up and by that point the problem was long solved and over.
To give you an idea of how little she is involved with us, H has had 3 additional brain surgeries since the accident (1 included a brain tumor removal the size of a fist). They were all very serious and potentially life threatening. H never even told MIL about any of the surgeries ahead of time because he knew she wouldnt respect our wishes that we wouldnt want her there. She would find out after and freak out each time but H wasn't phased by it. And told her the truth, we dont want you involoved and so we dont tell you anything. She doesnt even know anything in regards to updates of his prognosis (which is really great).
Now she does have nephew a lot, and since we like to see him and be involved with him we will go to their house to see him. We mostly interact with him and FIL (who we both get along with great). She knows she wont get any info out of us and so she really doesnt talk to us other than small talk.
I do believe she suffers from some sort of mental illness because she is completely delusional and her lies are so far beyond what a sane person could even make up. She actually pretended to have breast cancer for years when doctors found cists in her breasts. I called her out on it in front of doctors/FIL/BIL while H was in a coma because they were trying to find out family medical history when the found the brain tumor. I never seen someone backpedal so fast in my life.
OK ill admit it was 1 in the morning when i read and posted...i didnt really grasp it all.
BUT it wasnt a total fail since they still do have contact with psycho woman. she did say that she'll post as new stuff happens. So, in my mind at 1 am this *** was still going on, even though counseling had helped.
Wow, I'm so sorry you went through all that crap. I'm impressed as hell that you're not as in touch with her anymore and that your marriage is strong and survived all that nonsense.
Mothers like that always confuse me. I mean, isn't the point of having children raising them to be happy and mature and adult and able to live their own lives? So why stand in the way of that by refusing to cut the apron strings? Yeah... I know, I know - it's not logical, but it does happen.
Anyway, thanks for posting. I think it'll serve to show others that they're not alone and that there is, for sure, a light at the end of the tunnel. I know that people would love to read about how you and your H disconnected from her and how your relationship with her looks today.
We didnt plan a wedding until after everything was worked out between us. We were engaged, then I realized what I would not deal with the rest of my life, put the wedding on hold, moved out, and worked through counseling. Then after I felt we were in a good place, on the same page, I moved back in, waited awhile longer and then began planning the wedding.
And for all those wondering why MIL knew about counseling- She was trying so badly to convince H to not work things out and cut ties with me and H at the time was telling her he would do what ever it took to make this relationship work. Yes, he was telling her too much, which was one of our many problems that we were going to counseling for. He realized there that he didnt have to be guilted into spilling his entire life to her because she gave birth to him.
Wow, who lies about having breast cancer, and for years???
I'm sorry you had to deal with this and that your xSIL still has to, but I will look forward to your stories. These situations are so bizarre.
Thanks for posting.
I'd be interested in hearing how you have a civil relationship with your FIL, but not MIL. Also, what does FIL think of all of this? He's either completely miserable or as nutty as her, unless there is some in between I'm not seeing.
H and I find amusement in all of it now. Even his aunts/uncles do. We are very close to 1 aunt/uncle and they tell me a lot of stories about the past (the "breast cancer" goes back as far as the boys were little kids). She has always been this way. I am to the point, I don't even mind being around her here and there because its pure amusement. She clearly has something wrong to be this way and I almost just feel bad for her. She talks to herself all the time, like its way bizarre. If anyone just sat back and watched her for a few hours, they would realize there is something just not right... and not be able to control some laughter.
This is even a more bizarre (long) story- FIL doesn't really like her from what I can tell. He's even told H he would leave her if he could afford it. From what I've heard (a mix from aunts/H/BIL) she used to hang with (date?) FIL's brother but liked FIL (this was at age like 15/16 so not serious at all). Then started hanging around, then sleeping with FIL and "ended up" pregnant. FIL out of obligation and pressure from his parents married her when she was 3 months along (she was 17). He spent their entire relationship cheating on her - and it was no secret. It was also no secret he didnt really want to be with her but she was convenient and took care of his kids/household. If others also witnessed the cheating, MIL would act upset but never actually take action, never speak of it again. She seems to have a delusion that their marriage is perfect. MIL does not stand up to FIL. EVER. No matter what he does or says. And while I like FIL, he is a downright a$$ to her almost all the time. Like flat used to says things like, you are crazy, shut up you nut and so on. Now she hardly speaks in front of him and even less to him, unless its about N.
Since N came along- they seem to get along fine in regards to him. They both seem to love this kid to death and always want to have him (this is weird to me). N has learning disabilities (possibly along the the lines of aspbergers) and FIL is actually pretty good with working with him. MIL on the other hand just babies him so badly I forsee issues in the future. She seems to be filling the void of not having her own small children left to care for with him. N and BIL are MIL's whole life now- she does everything for both of them, has complete control of their lives. N has learned MIL will do everything for him, get him anything he wants that now all N says is my gramma this and that and the other thing. Other than conversion about N, I do not hear much else spoken between IL's anymore. But we hardly see them if they dont actually have N so that could be why.
I do not get the relationship between IL's, but then again don't need to as its none of my business. FIL is respectful to H and I, thinks H is lucky to have me, genuinely likes me (this does bother MIL, I can tell). He will come over without her sometimes and we enjoy spending time with him. I really don't think FIL knows a lot of what MIL does/says and he just doesn't care. I think its odd he's never left her and crappy hes so mean to her, but again not my business.
Are you united with the CCOKCs?
Wow.... from what you just posted about FIL.... I'm starting to wonder what came first.... Did FIL's verbal abuse cause MIL to go completely BSC.... or did MIL's BSC behavior cause FIL's verbal abuse....
Chicken or the Egg?
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
That is very responsible of you. I wish I read more stories on the Nest about women who knew what they did and did not want in a relationship and then stood by those needs/wants.
So, your FIL is BSC, just a slightly different flavor.
Not that this excuses the behavior at all, but lying can be a symptom of people that were raised by substance abusers. It sounds extremely strange unless you've lived it.
Here's an excellent book on the subject in case someone needs a resource:
http://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Alcoholics-Janet-Woititz/dp/1558741127/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1310700152&sr=1-1
So this may be a dumb question but what does BSC stand for?!
FIL's mother died from liver failure from alcoholism at a pretty young age. His father does not drink at all. I do not know very much about MIL's past but I do know her father walked out on them very early on, is still alive to this day and MIL has never had contact with him. She had a step father (now deceased) and her mom got dementia pretty young (now deceased). I heard various lies about her real father for years but recently learned from FIL he is actually still alive. I have no idea how they even know this. I have heard from aunts that H's grandma (MIL side) often took care of them while FIL/MIL were out partying in the early years of their life. So apparently she wasnt always attached to her children. She is one big mystery I'll never have the answers to!!!
I have a horrible MIL too. I am so sick of them medaling. If they love their sons, why the heck can't they let them live their lives and let them be happy? I can't believe how selfish MIL's can be. Our relationship is so strained I hardly see her which means my son hardly sees his grandma either. With her behavior at times I don't want my son around her. It's so unnecessary. I swear my friends and I always discuss all the crap the MIL's dish out and we want to write it all in a book. When the first one of our sons get engaged, we want to pass the book to that friend and let them read up on what NOT to do.
I feel sorry for our Dh's having to be torn between their wife and a psycho mom.
Thank you for sharing the crazy stories! I was greatly diverted.
p.s. other posters: Despite your well meaning intentions, I don't think she was looking for opinions into her relationship, just wanted to share some odd happenings.