Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
VENT - Step Daughter and Baby Name
I just have to get this out.................
My husband's step daughter (first wive's daughter) just posted what she has decided to name her daughter.
She has chosen a family name from my husbands side of the family - I'm not sure why this has me pissed, but it does.
DH never adopted her, but she did have his last name growing up, until she got mad at him and then changed it to her mother's maiden name. She only calls when she needs something. Never visits his parents (whose name she has chosen).
I just feel its inappropriate for her use this name. Especially since now her brother - the only male in the family - now won't be able to use this name without SD throwing a major fit.
Re: VENT - Step Daughter and Baby Name
How do you know her brother even wants to use the name, assuming he even has a daughter someday? And why does it matter that he's the only male in the family?
She's free to choose any name she wants. No one has dibs.
Is this some really unusual name or is it just a name that is used a lot in that family but is also used by many other people?
Is her biological father in her life? Either way, she can pick any name she wants so it is silly to be bothered by this. But if your H has been the main father figure in her life, you must realize that she will consider him a father. Maybe this is her way of trying to show him what he means to her?
Ehh. She's likely a brat and just doing what brats do.
Brats suck. Sucks for you, too. This is probably less about the actual name and more about how she is annoying all the time.
No one has exclusive rights to a name, so her brother can use this name if he chooses. Hell, maybe he won't ever even have a daughter.
My mother's side of the family is huge and the traditional male name is Paul. There are a dozen or so of her cousins that have this name.
Not a crisis. Really.
WHile she may be a brat and I feel for you on that front, I'd be curious to know what the name is. How unique is it?
As for her brother, he may not have kids, or he may not have a girl, or he may not even like that name. I'm SURE there are other "family" names he could use.
Also, what does his being "the only male" have to do w/ this? Does that give him some extra claim to family names than anyone else?! I don't think so.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'll say this too, though. Let's say he wants to have kids, and lets say he has a girl, AND lets say that he actually really likes the name step-DD used.... I have a feeling this isn't one big happy, close family who sees each other all the time.
If he REALLY wanted to use it, he probably could.
But, BUT, there are a lot of variables to even lead to that point.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
She has the name her child whatever she wants....
But yeah... I kinda see what your saying.
It just sounds like Brat behavior. I would just ignore. Don't respond to it AT ALL. For all you know she could change that name as well.... and given what you have said.... I wouldn't be surprised if she did.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
Just to recap...
Your DH raised this girl, to the point where she even had his name at one time adopted or not. Regardless of her current behavior, I'd say that gives her at least some claim to being part of the family.
Her brother does not have children, is not expecting a child as far as I can tell from the OP, and may never have a child. Even if he does, there's a 50% chance it won't be a girl. And at least some chance that, even if the stars align and he does have a child, and it is a girl, he won't even WANT to use this name.
YOU feel it's inappropriate. We have no idea how your DH, whose family name this actually is to begin with, feels. Although even if he's unhappy with the idea, we get to my final point...
NOBODY has dibs on a name. She wants to use it, she can. That in no way stops anybody else from doing so. My BIL and his first cousin have the same name. Exactly the same - first, middle, last. They're family names and both my FIL and his brother chose to use them. And we're talking an extremely close Greek family where these cousins are together a lot. But nobody cares (including my BIL, who..not that it matters, IMO...had the name first by more than a decade).
Personally, I think the OP has deeper issues with the SD (maybe anger over SD "getting mad" at the OPs DH and calling only "when she needs something"...I wouldn't be surprised if SD asked for something when she spoke to the OP/DH about the name choice). I'd bet if that wasn't the case, SDs choice to honor the family by using this name would be viewed very differently.
I told my SIL what we were going to name our children if we had them and why and she named her daughter the exact same name even though it was my grandmother name (absolutely no relation to her). I was PO'ed but that will not stop me from naming a daughter the exact same thing. I refuse to let her gain be my loss. You?ll get over it.
I think you broke this down perfectly. I truly don't see how dismissing the SD as not really being family because no one was adopted doesn't also disclude the brother (after all, we aren't told that he's a half brother) which would then disclude him from using a "family" name as well. Being miffed over names is silly, being upset over names when it isn't even your kid is downright loony. I figure if George Foreman can name his plethera of sons George Foreman, then a family can certainly handle a couple of first cousins with the same name. If the brother decides to have kids later on, or a pet for that matter, and gives it this "family" name, there's no law saying he can't tell sis to shut up if she starts nagging.
If he wants to use this name for the children he may or may not have in the future, there is no reason why he can't.
My mom had a grandson named Jamie and a granddaughter named Jaime. She wasn't thrilled about it, but I had always loved the name and I used it too. No one has a trademark on a name.
DH is one of several cousins with the same name. It is an Italian tradition to name children after the grandfather, and not only did dh and his cousin get that name (3rd generation), but several of dh's cousins named THEIR children after their grandfather as well.
It's not really a big deal.