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need to vent-a little long
I really just need to get this out because it's killing me keeping it all in....ok so let me first start off by saying I am so grateful for EVERYthing my DH does for me and he truly does a lot and i love him to death....however, when it comes to the baby....I get hardly any help and I am just starting to get so frustrated...like when he comes home from work I just would like an hour or two to myself (besides the time I get to shower) to get things done around the house, but he will just do what he needs to do and not even say 'hey you want me to take the baby for a bit' I get nothing and if I ask him I feel like it's a burden on him
I get he works his ass off during the day and is exhausted but um, so am I...I am lucky I get 5 hours of sleep a night and I wake up with a killer headache every morning from getting up every 3 hours...dont get me wrong i LOVE spending time with Bre however, I DO need my ME time here and there... when we first got pregnant, we agree'd he would take the weekends or atleast Sunday(cause he occasionally works Saturdays) and wake up with her during the night and feed her etc, but he has YET to do it, hes gotten up @ 6 to change her but Im up then anyway so what's the point...I would just like him to take the 12/3am feedings ..I want to just sleep ONE night a week...
I have mentioned it to him and the one time he says to me 'well it's your job' um...hello it's your daughter too!!!! I know he didnt mean it to be taken to hurt my feelings but it really did... he will however get me her bottles ready and hold her here and there and change her diapers but it's more of the feeding that I really would rather have help with...and he flat out told me he doesnt like feeding her cause it 'takes too long'...I just really dont know what to do anymore, I feel like Im beating a dead horse, I dont know if Im being selfish or what but I just at time feel like Im doing this all on my own.
ok I feel better getting this out Im just hoping that once she gets a little older he will start helping with the feedings...
Re: need to vent-a little long
I've always wished that one day we could trade places with each other (Me and DH) so he could see everything I handle. I too had this problem. But I had to literally sit him down and yell at him. I was exhausted. My son woke up every two hours almost every night. You need your me time or you will go crazy. You can't do it all and he needs to understand that. I told DH I know you work but this is my work right now and i'm not getting a break, how would you feel about it?
So now I just pretty much tell him "hey I'm going to get my nails done, or going for a drive, watch the boy." he's ok with it.
Maybe he's nervous, or hasn't fully adjusted or doesn't realize what he's doing. He knows you're a great mom that's why he leaves it up to you.
You are not being Selfish, you're being a good mom. An angry, frustrated burnt out mother is not good for the baby and you know that. Hang in there. Try to talk to him again.
Thank you Deb!!! I do think he is nervous to a point but I gues im just gna have to say ok this is how it is...Im only asking one day.
glad Im not alone in this!!! makes me feel better
i obviously have no clue what you're going through, but just wanted to give you some big virtual HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSS
and even with regular non-baby stuff with my H, if i feel like he's not pulling his weigh even just around the house, i have learned that keeping it to myself is going to cause me to burn out, which isnt going to help me or him or the house (Which in your situation is the babe!). i hope you can get him to at least somewhat understand and help out more. im sorry hes making things tougher
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Well this may sound a little silly but I kinda had a similar issue with my DH, but with our puppy. She is 5mths now & potty trained but I always had to do everything! See what shes getting into, taking her outside, cleaning up the messes and all the other stuff that comes along with it. I'd ask him to take her out or to clean up a mess & it was like pulling teeth to get him to help!
I had to sit there & vent it all out to him, even started yelling at a few points because I was exhausted of doing everything. Taking care of Luna, taking care of the house, laundry, cooking etc. I said she is our puppy, not just mine you need to step it up a little bit... & I even kinda threw it out there about this being just like having a baby. But now, believe it or not.. things are more equal than ever! ahaha
I fully believe now that having a puppy is pretty much a trial run for a baby LOL!
I would try talking to him again & remind him that he agreed to atleast give you 1 night of not having to do the 12/3am feedings. That is definitely not too much to ask, we all need our "me" time & he should be very understanding to that!! Keep your head up girl, you're an awesome mommy & Bre knows it!!
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Aw, I"m sorry you are going through this! If you talk to him a bit maybe there's an underlying reason he doesn't volunteer to take care of the baby more. Maybe he's overwhelmed or nervous? Obviously, I have never been in this situation and don't know, but that is what popped into my mind!
I hope you had a great early anniversary dinner...I saw you were headed out on fb! :-)
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I don't have any advice but I hope it gets better soon. I was just thinking about it the other day how men in general have no idea how much "extra" stuff women do. We are in charge of keeping the household running smoothly and there is so much that goes into it. So many men just work their job and then come home and veg the rest of the time, it's really annoying!
You are doing a great job though, keep up the good work and I hope he starts helping out more.
Like others said, maybe he is just nervous about his new role, or isn't sure how he fits into the baby's life quite yet. Maybe when you are both home and you are doing typical things with Bre like feeding her or changing her, or other things you can invite him to do them with you at the same time, or at least be in the same room when they happen so he feels more of a part of the routine. Maybe then he'll naturally start picking up on what needs to happen and feel more comfortable with it.