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invited to big boss's son's wedding... ew.
ok, here is the scenario.
I work for a local governmental entity. The Big Boss is a horrible person. I prefer not to divulge anything specific, but other than being personally heinous and treating all his employees incredibly poorly, he also hates any working woman who isn't a secretary (I'm not). Our workplace has incredibly poor morale- my direct boss says it's the worst he's ever seen in his 40 year career.
Although I am technically one of the seven members of his department, my office is on the other side of the building, and I average about one conversation with him every three months. I've worked there just under 2 years. I got married earlier this year, and he neither came to the bridal shower that his personal secretary threw for me (it was co-ed, as the male:female ratio is about 3:1), nor contributed any sort of a gift or card. In fact, I didn't even get as much as a verbal congratulations.
Not only have I never met his son (who's about 35, 10 years older than me), he's never even mentioned his son to me. And out of the blue, I get a wedding invitation. I'm sure that he thought by inviting some members of our department, he had to invite me.
I refuse to go and either be ignored, or suddenly be treated like we're BFFs and our workplace is wonderful for the sake of his girlfriend or the local politicians who will be there.
so now the big question.... do I have to send a gift, even though I'm not going, I don't even know these people, and Big Boss did not acknowledge my wedding in any way?
Re: invited to big boss's son's wedding... ew.
DS1 born June 2008 | m/c at 9w March 2011 | DS2 born April 2012
This
Really, none of this information was necessary, or should color what you should do.
To keep with etiquette, I would send a small gift and call it a day. Perhaps a card with a GC.
Our little Irish rose came to us on March 5, 2010
Don't drink the water.
Disclaimer: I am not an MD. Please don't PM me with pregnancy-related questions. Ask your doctor.
I don't know...I mean the son will get the gift and be like, who is this person...he may or may not even report to his dad that you sent a gift, and really you are trying to impress the dad, not the son. Can you ask around and see what others are doing.
If anyone else is not going (or going), I would chip in on a gift to them.
And this is the most important part: In one of those conversations you have with boss every 3 months, say "are you looking forward to the wedding, I'm so sorry my husband and won't be able to attend, but Doris and I found a great gift to give him together...she'll bring it to the wedding"
This is what you should do. It's not what I would want to do, but it's the smartest thing to do.
Honestly- my take on this is based on "who" will this guy be in your future?
As in- do you plan to stay where you are indefinitely and deal w/ him as a boss indefinitely, or are you planning to move to another dept in the next year or so, or leave all together? And if it's either of the latter - will he matter in your life at all?
If I felt he would have an influence in my life in some shape or form,, I'd probably suck it up and send a gift.
But if I felt that I was going to be out relatively soon and once gone, he wouldn't be in my life, I probably wouldn't. I dont' feel an invitation means you have to send a gift. And to someone you don't know?
I would just have a VERY VERY VERY hard time playing along w/ this game. And I only would if I really felt he could impact my future.
However, also realize this - if you don't send a gift, that could come back to bite tyou. but if you do send a gift, expect that nothing will come of it. If he's as big of an a$$ as you say, he's not going to care if you do. He'll only care if you dont'.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
THIS..
Do you know if any of your coworks received invitations? I'm guessing if they did get invited they also do not plan on going. If this is the case I'd rsvp no and see if the other in the office want to contribute to a gift card or purchase a gift off the registry together.
If you were the only one invited or don't feel comfortable asking coworks if they're invited, then I'd just get him a gift card or small gift off the registry.
No, I would not send a wedding gift to a person who I have never met. That is just absurd.
And if your boss is as male chauvanist a type as you characterize him, I would bet money that he is not cross checking the guest list with the gift list. This is just not something that your typical FOG would do. I doubt he will notice whether you sent a gift or not, and I'm sure his son couldn't care less.
Send a nice card, RSVP "no" and call it day.
Don't go.
I never go to functions like that unless I'm genuinely friends with someone.
I'm sure they have a list of people they invited. It's not that hard to put the prestamped RSVP card in the mail.
Don't go. You've never met them. That's just weird. I wouldn't have wanted complete strangers at my wedding - it's about friends and family. Not business.
I also wouldn't send a gift. But not because you didn't get anything from the boss, just because you don't even know the happy couple. I find the whole situation really odd. I'm not American though so if ettiquette is buying gifts just because someone sent you an invitation, I wish I'd sent some invites stateside to random people!
GL!
Etiquette certainly does NOT dictate that you send a gift to a perfect stranger just because they sent you an invite! That is crazy talk.
Personally, I would send my regrets. I would save my card allowance for someone I know...
beautiful!
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