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Initiating: A How to?
Hi!
My H and I have been married for a year, but together for 14. We've been in a rut, mostly due to my inability to initiate sex. (I'm not saying this to be hard on myself; we've had several discussions over the years and he's feeling less less attracted to me and less attractive as a man because I literally hardly ever initiate.) Our relationship is very good outside of this aspect; he was my first, and is my only, sexual partner. We've been together since we were 19.
I want to have sex with him; I still find him attractive and love and value him. My conundrum is that I literally do not know how to initiate sex with him, outside of a couple of things I've done the entire course of our relationship. (Putting on sexy lingerie, giving him a BJ and morning sex are about the only 3 things I have in my "arsenal" and after 14 years, those three "initiators" are less and less fun, and therefore stimulating.)
I'm not an overly self-confident person and I know that is part of my problem. But, outside of that, what do you gals do to initiate sex with your men? And, men, what things excite you when your girls initiate?
Thanks!
Re: Initiating: A How to?
DH loves if I simply outright tell him I want him
If I miss him and he's at work, I text him something flirty and tell him I can't wait until he gets home. If he's home and sitting in the office, I just go right up to him, lean in for a kiss, and sit in his lap. Basically I just attack him. 
If I want to be less aggressive about it, I will walk around the house in various simple outfits that I know he loves. Low cut tank tops, etc. Or make sure he's in the room when we're changing clothes to go run errands or something.
At the end of the day, I try to just make sure he knows I want him. I playfully grab his biceps and grin, or smack his butt when he leans over. lol It sounds silly, but DH is very physical and loves to be in physical contact with me. I know this, so I make sure I use it to make him feel wanted.
You've been with your DH for 14 years, so I'm sure you know what he likes, what his turn ons are, etc. Take advantage of them. There doesn't have to be some big production every time you initiate sex. He clearly loves you, so be confident that whatever you do, he'll love it!
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also....why don't you just ask him to give you some direction? ask him what you've not been doing that he'd like you to be doing. you can use his answers to add to your 'arsenal.' hopefully after such a long period of time together, you're comfortable speaking openly about sex.
good luck!
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Ask him what he would enjoy and have him provide direction. Open yourself up to trying new things at his suggestion or ideas others may give you. You may learn that you enjoy other things too.
And the experience of trying new things together may be a positive one.
Good luck!
You're not alone! I struggle with this same issue and it is a total self-confidence thing for me. It's hard to feel sexy when your own body image is below average! I'm learning to accept my body and do things to increase my self-esteem (actually do my hair, shave my legs, put some sexy perfume on, etc...) and it makes a big difference in the sex life! Letting go of the insecurities is very freeing and the hubby reaps the benefits too. He insists that I am beautiful and hot and that he wants me all the time, so I told myself to just get over my own hang-ups - our husbands love us just the way we are so it's time we accept it and celebrate it - with some good old fashion hanky panky!! Do something for yourself that makes YOU feel beautiful and your confidence will outwardly radiate. Go get some, girl!! Lol! ;-D
No you are not alone. My husband asks the exact same thing. I feel like I have a hard time letting go sometimes. It's a confidence thing and some emotional stuff too.