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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Moms: advice on sharing?
This is referring to those of my kids' ages (4 &6), not toddlers. What do you do? There's a toy that belongs to kid A, but he's not playing with it. Kid B comes along and picks it up and starts to play with it without asking. Kid A of course suddenly wants to play with it, but Kid B gets upset because he was playing with it first. Do you tell Kid B that he should always ask to play with it first and then have him return the toy? Or do you tell Kid A that he needs to share, especially since he wasn't even playing with it. Both kids are partially in the wrong, so how do you handle it? Instinctually, part of me says to tell them to work it out themselves or I'll take it away, but are they too young to really be able to do that? (I think Hannah is.) I'm at a loss, and I'm not being consistent.
Re: Moms: advice on sharing?
In our house, if the toy is in a common area (e.g., the play room) it's free for anyone to play with - regardless of who "owns" it. If there are toys they would prefer to not share, they have to keep them in their room. Of course this tactic won't work as well if your kids share a room, but it works for us.
Therefore if Kid B picks up Kid A's toy in the play room - they are free to play with it as they wish. Kid A needs to deal.
If you have a room sharing situation I think I would have the same rule apply. I would just let them have a special shelf or toy box that can contain certain toys that are just for them (unless they want to share).
I've found that by allowing them to have special toys, it helps alleviate SOME of the sharing fights. Not all (of course), but some.
Mine are 6 and newly 4, btw.
NPP goes to Monkaloo! I guess that is the problem is that everything is communal with the exception of lovies.
We pretty much follow along the lines of monkaloo. Small toys that are not appropriate for everyone (squinkies for example) to play with or toys you do not want to share, stay in the bedroom. If you bring it down the stairs, it's up for grabs if you aren't playing with it. If they are playing in a room then if it's something you don't want the others to play with, they have a shelf in their closet to put it on.
It's actually funny because a lot of times, Kaitlyn will share with the older sister, but not the baby sister (at least when it comes to toys). I think it gets harder too when you have all of the same sex kids... They all like the same stuff, so it's even harder to not share toys simply because I'm not buying 3 of everything! Especially knowing as they get older, they'll lose interest and it can easily be passed down to the younger kid (this is a seriously HARD concept for Kaitlyn to get. lol)
Buy an egg timer for them and teach them how to use it. If it's H's toy then S gets to turn on the timer and she has to hand it over after the timer goes off. If it's S's toy then H gets to turn on the timer and hand it over after the timer goes off. Then they get to control how long they play with it and there's a clear guideline of how long they can play. Hopefully over time they'll naturally let go and let the other one play.
Edit: My mom did something similar with us as kids and it worked for the three of us.
We follow the same rule at home that Mathis's teacher uses at school. Now my kids are a little younger but Laurie taught school for 15 years and is literally a saint, so I trust whatever method she uses. Basically, it's the 1st come, 1st serve rule.
We have the same issue as you, which is Tru can be playing with the best, buzziest, most lit up toy we have. Mathis walks in with a piece of yarn. Truitt "where's my yaaaaaarn? How come I don't have any yaaaaarn. I want yaaaaarn." Too bad, Mathis had the yard. When he is finishes, it will be your turn.
Does that always make T calm and ok with it? No. But having a consistent rule works well for all of us(he knows what to expect) and it is teaching both kids that you can't always have what you want, when you want it.
I've never seen in practice but I know they use similar rules in Truitt's class.
The only exception is Tru's shark that he sleeps with, which we tell Mathis is "T's special toy for him only." Mathis doesn't have any kind of lovey so there is no reciprocal agreement there
we have this even though my two are only 2.5 and almost 10 months. I've already started teaching Marion that with a few exceptions, most everything is a "family" toy.
This morning the little sassypants informed me the car belong to the "family" when I told her not to touch the doors.
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if we had the "HEY! You're playing with MY thing!" problem, then we would have the kid who's playing with it stop and kindly ask if it's okay.
generally, we would then give the gripey one the stare of death and say "may he play with it? remember, we need to share, but it's your choice." this usually made the gripey one kind of be like "okay fine. "
our biggest problem was claire being EXTRAORDINARILY grabby. like, while asking if she could play with connor's toy, she would already be grabbing it away from him. she had no filter for things that were brand new, either. she's 14. we've ALMOST broken her of it...lol.
we just kind of had to teach him to use his words. ask her to please give it back. if she did not, then he needed to come tell us and we would intervene.
if there was ever an unsolvable turf war, the item got taken away if they weren't able to work it out. we did a lot of "WORK IT OUT, GUYS."
if they couldn't work it out in a reasonable amount of time, they both got in trouble. "working it out" usually involved a lot of whispering and looking at us from the corner of their eyes.
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