Sex & Romance
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
FI and I barely ever have sex
I'm not sure what to make of it, and I want to change it. I have never been an extremely sexual person, and neither has FI.
We have a wonderful relationship and are both very happy. I just don't understand why sex isn't happening. I'm not on BC (we use condoms) and I have next to no sex drive.
No one ever initiates sex and gets rejected or anything, there is just no initiating happening. I am also 100% positive he is not cheating or anything like that, it has been like this our whole relationship.
Has anyone experienced this/know how to fix it?
Re: FI and I barely ever have sex
It is indeed very possible that you and he have a low sex drive. There isn't anything wrong with that per se but when one or both of you feels a disconnect and one of you wants to have more sex and the person's not happy with the way things are sexually, then there is a problem.
What you need to do first:
You and he need to sit down and huddle about this: tell him that you'd love to have more sex with him.
ARe the both of you very inexperienced? Did both of you come from homes where everyone was rather reserved and there wasn't much touchy feely stuff in the way of affection with your parents and siblings? Nothing wrong with that; that's just the way some households are vs. households where everybody's hugging, everybody's embracing and there are more outward displays of affection.:)
Have you tried good old fashioned make out sessions? Maybe you can start there and then let nature take its course.:) Same goes for jumping into the shower with him and vice versa -- just hop on in when he's in there.:) How could he resist?
We both have a few other sex partners. We are both really close with our families but there isn't much touchy feely stuff involved. I never really thought about that, but it could be contributing.
I'm not necessarily unhappy with not having sex, I just feel like it's weird. I feel like I should want to jump my FI and vise versa but I rarely get that need.
Thank you for the advice, I think we need to definitely try making out and other things to get it started.
If you and he are happy and content with your current sex life, then there's no problem.
There is no magic number of how often a couple should have sex.
If you are both happy in the amount of sex..(im sure you haven spoken to him about it) if it isnt broke it doesnt need fixing.
I have a higher sex drive than my FI but we have learned to accomodate each other over the years. The one thing that has helped us to be open and communicate with each other. In the beginning I thought it was because he didnt find me attractive or maybe he was playing around on me. Once we had an honest discussion he realized that I was feeling neglected. He now makes efforts to make sure I know he still wants me and appreciates me (even if its not always by having sex) and I make an effort not to try and push him into having sex more than he really wants. I told him that I wanted him to have sex with me because he truly wanted to not because he felt like he had to. Even if your sex drives are different you can still have a healthy happy relationship. Commiunication is the key. Without it you will both be on separate pages and at least one of you will be unhappy.