We've Never Had Sex!

Grace682 · July 2011

So what you're reading is true. I've been with my guy for almost a year and we've never had sex. He's ssen me naked and he's had plenty of fore play with me. ( I have never done anything to him or seen him naked. ) I know it's not me and he say's it's not, he claims it's because he's overweight and is ashamed. But, yet doesn't diet or do anything to improve his weight. It's really starting to affect the way I feel and he know's this. I'm really thinking about ending it and moving on, but feel like an idiot for leaving because of "sex", What would you do I need advice ASAP!?

oldbugle · July 2011

Well there must be SOME kind of connection between you to last for a year. However, it does not sound like either a normal, or, a helathy relationship and is going to lead to more and more frustration for you, and maybe for him also.

Are you sure he can get an erection?....it sounds like all this foreplay is to try and get himself aroused. You need to force and ultimatum if things are to continue between you,.....just insist that you both remove all your clothes and have a serious look at eachothers bodies. If he is genuine about his relationship with you he will do this, even with extreme embarassment and misery.

However, if he won't do this basic step then move on quickly.

TarponMonoxide · July 2011

Honey, you aren't blindfolded.

You evidently like him for HIM. You don't give a rat's ass what size he is! Doesn't he get that much?

Talk to him. tell him he's incredibly hot and you want to have sex.

If he won't rise to the bait indeed move on. There are guys of all sizes and shapes and of all weights who have an active sex life. Something's wrong with this picture.

magsugar13 · July 2011

Time to move on.

WannaBAMeyer · July 2011

Ok, so here's a crazy question, and a situation to go along with it:

I had a friend, we will call him T, and we liked each other, probably for about...4 years, but he dated other people and I dated other people. One night, me and DF went over to his house, got a little wasted, and T told us we could stay the night there. Well, a whole bunch of drama started, and me and T decided to go for a walk, DF knew about it. I asked T why he had never tried hooking up with me. That night, at 20 years old, T told me that he was still a virgin.

Could it be that your BF is still a virgin? at whatever age he is?

firedancer22 · July 2011

this may be presumptuous, but it sounds like the pair of you are very sexually inexperienced, otherwise you'd be talking about this with HIM, and not with us!

communication is the first thing that needs to happen here. you need to communicate your needs (sex!), and your concerns. he needs to do the same. if he is insisting he doesn't have needs, then i think there's some sort of bigger issue that he is hiding....at that point, you'll need to decide whether you are going to explore that bigger issue to get to the bottom of it, or just move on.

kharrima · July 2011

Before just ending it, I would suggest having a talk about it with him. You're gonna have to give him some reason for breaking up with him anyway. If you have stayed together for a year, you obviously like to be with each other for reasons than just having sex (which is a good thing!). Maybe it is for religious purposes? Maybe he really is self conscious but that feeling for needing to "diet" goes away after his mood for wanting to be intimate with you is not present. When you're out with the guys its hard to say "No, I am going to have water and watch yall drink beer and eat a salad while yall eat burgers". There may be more reasons for him to not want to have sex than you think. I think yall should really talk it over and get to the bottom of it before ending it.

Xan921 · July 2011

As a previous post said, maybe he's a virgin and just doesn't want you knowing that? If that's not the case, then he has some serious issues going on in his head because you all have been together for a year now, he should know you don't care about his weight. Besides, big guys can have sex just as good as thinner guys. My husband is a big guy and rocks my socks off. Let him know you love him for him, that you find him sexy, and demand that he gives you a better reason than him being uncomfortable with his body. If he's that uncomfortable, give him the option of doing it with the lights off. I feel like there's a bigger issue going on with him that he's not letting you in on. If you want sex and he refuses to give it to you after a year of dating (as long as it's not some sort of religious belief of his) then I say leave him. A year may seem like a long time but it's really not that long, so there's no need to waste any more time with a guy who you know wont satisfy you.

shilarys · July 2011

yes just talk to him and tell him how much you care about him and that you dont care...see if each time you guys can go a little further .....and then try it one time..see how it goes...if this doesn not help things then definitly move on but tell him its because you have needs and sex is simportant!

lucy fan60 · July 2011

wow-- you might investigate whether he is impotent -- my man was.... until I had him take a pill; he might need you to suggest kindly if that might be the problem as that is definately not normal or he might be gay Good Luck

fanytong3 · July 2011

Not love, not sex.

Not sex, not love.

I hope you think about it.

srburgess87 · July 2011

there are a lot of questions to ask.. obviously the age matters... and whether he is a virgin. If he is a virgin and or young and by young im talking under 25 (which we all know is immature for men) then he might just not be ready but feels foolish telling you that is the reason. When I was younger I dated a guy for an entire year and a half without ever having sex with him and it didnt mean i didnt love him even though he wanted to... i just was not ready. However if you are both adults and living on your own and is too self conscious to open up to you and let you see him naked (with or without sex) then there is a PROBLEM. after investing a year into a relationship with someone you obviously care about on a deeper level I would talk to him and not let him lead with the weight excuse.. tell him how you really feel because in reality he is hurting your self esteem unintentionally by making you think something else could be wrong. Love and relationships and marriage are hard enough.. you do not want to get into anything more serious with this guy if you are already having intimacy problems because it only gets harder. move on.. ESPECIALLY if he refuses to talk about it or rectify the problem (if it is indeed about his weight)

Bathlove · July 2011

The first thing that comes to my mind is that maybe he's worried about what his "little guy" looks like (size, shape, curvature, etc.). You need to ask yourself, would you still want to be with him if his "thingy" isn't that impressive? If so (if you really love him) then tell him you don't have any expectations for what it should look like because you love him the way he is... however it may be.

Bathlove · July 2011

Bathlove:
The first thing that comes to my mind is that maybe he's worried about what his "little guy" looks like (size, shape, curvature, etc.). You need to ask yourself, would you still want to be with him if his "thingy" isn't that impressive? If so (if you really love him) then tell him you don't have any expectations for what it should look like because you love him the way he is... however it may be.

But whatever you do, don't call it "little guy!"

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