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Good Vibes Needed!!!
Hi ladies,
I really don't post personal things, however, I need all positive vibes this saturday during lunch time. MIL and I don't agree on a lot of issues. Every time her and I see eachother, she criticizes everything!!! Last Saturday (3rd occasion of her doing this) she decided to voice her opinion about me in front of her family, little did she realized her son was standing next to her, in the corner of the family room, with his mouth open dropping to the floor... She has never voiced her opinion about me to him or in front of him on the other 2 occasions. (so my DH thinks that it's all in my mind when I say "your mother dislikes me"). That Saturday he look at me and said "grab your purse and let's go". We left. On Wednesday MIL calls DH "Oh I am sorry can we have lunch on Saturday, so I can apologize to Veronica your wife".. He said "My wife and I are highly upset at you. You and I have a lot to discuss without my wife being there". Of course he comes home and tells me this and I said "honey we both need to be there!!!! Oh man I am out for blood right now!!! I treat her son very well, I don't have bad habits or have done anything to give her reasons to dislike me. Please give me advise on how to calm down and just be kind to the woman.
Re: Good Vibes Needed!!!
He's her baby first and foremost. She will always think of him as her little baby who needs protection and who needs her. Except he doesn't really need her the way he used to since he has a wife and you guys are a new branch of the family. So I'm guessing that its a hard transition for her.
That being said what she did and what she said is totally inexcusable. I'm glad your DH finally heard hear and that he's jumping to defend you. I'd let him fight this battle for you. If you jump in and try and fight it she will have more animosity toward you.
So I think a good plan of action would be to go in and bring to the table all the great things about you and that you do. Tell her how much you love DH and how much you want to be part of the family.
In the future compliment her cooking/sewing/car maintenance whatever she's into and ask her for advice. Make her feel like she's still needed in some way. Oh DH just adores your brownie recipe could you share it with me? I think it would be a great one to pass down through the family. I adore how shiny your car windows are what ever do you use to clean them?
Kill her with kindness so that DH can never find fault with you or anything you've said. Any negativity would then come from her (though hopefully not) and he will fight for you. But if you go negative its harder to defend. Right now he can say she's never done anything bad to you she loves you and so on.
PS car maintenance was SO random - I didn't want to be sexist but mentioning only cooking and crafting things lol.
I don't have any good advice because my blood would be boiling too! Maybe Rebecka (ribbicks) might have some for you because she has the MIL from hell!
I'll be sending lots of vibes that things get smoothed out!
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BTW I am WELL aware that my advice is SO hard to impliment.
My MIL arrived at our house 30min early on Saturday and I was in my living room (walking upstairs from the basement) in my BRA and UNDERWEAR because I had grabbed clothes out of the laundry. (the shades were closed) but she basically opened my front door WITHOUT KNOCKING!!!! When I heard the door open and her say Hello I YELLED DON'T COME IN!!!!!!!! Scared her but sorry you don't enter anyone's house without knocking!!!
Its my house and I'll wander around in my underwear if I want to!
I agree this is a great way to handle it, your DH is upset what she said about you, and him defending you will have more of an impact on her than you defending yourself. I would have boiling blood like Mel too! Fortunately my MIL isn't mean like that but she does criticize a ton and it drives me batty! Good luck and just remember to take deep breaths and remember how much you love DH.
April 2010 Siggy Challenge: Next Vacation Destination
Oh no! Don't think that! My MIl is great, a super sweet lady..... she just doesn't understand me AT ALL and is ditzy beyond belief (and this is coming from a pretty ditzy girl, lol)
That said, it does sound like she is having a hard time getting used to the new family dynamic. I would take some time then talk to her about your differences. I think coming from a place of "how can we resolve this issue" rather than a "I'm gunna tear her a new one" will get you further as she is family and will always be around. But I personally would make clear that her smack talking u in front of the rest of the family in unacceptable (my SIL does this about another SIL and I hate it! So juvenile and catty!) Good Luck!