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Can you help with my child?
I caught my 5 year old vandalizing a vehicle yesterday, so I'm thinking maybe when Russ gets home on Tuesday I may take the little guy down to the police station and have an officer talk to him/ scare him a little bit. I don't know what else to do. If anyone has suggestions on that I'm all ears. He's been to therapy in the past for similar things and I learned he has ADHD and an anxiety disorder. He can't be medicated until he's 6 at least and I'm kind of against meds for children. He keeps telling me he's having dreams about hurting people and breaking things. I'm pretty nervous and now I feel like a horrible parent because I don't know what to do.
I've tried sports, he just fights with the kids on the team and isn't interested in playing ball. I've thought of Taekwondo, but I don't want him to learn moves that he can use to potentially hurt people.
If you have a suggestion I'd be more than happy to try it.
Thank you.
Re: Can you help with my child?
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Here are some suggestions:
1- Solo sports like swimming, tennis, even gymnastics (this is rough and tumble without contact)
2- Have you read "Parenting with Love and Logic" it might be helpful.
Thank you so much, I haven't read that book. I've read some book my Dr. Kevin Leaman on parenting rough children. I'll have to check it out.
Also, I think solo sports would be great. I'm going to look into that as well.
I'm a lurker...and I know the women on this board are very supportive and might offer other advice...I do not have children, yet...and I am a teacher, although middle school...
I would recommend that you speak with your pediatrician. (s)he can advise you as to better options ... therapy seems important...
The fact that you listened to your son and are looking for advice means that you are a good parent. Do not put yourself down. He has his own emotions and makes some of his own decisions...
Good luck!
I don't know that taking him down to the police station would do very much at his age. Five is young, IMHO to have him understand the reasons why he's at the police station.
I agree with smiles about talking to the pediatrician about some more therapy for him. It sounds like he needs some ways to constructively deal with the emotions he's experiencing. Is there an emotional trigger that happens before he starts getting violent with other kids during sports? Is he frustrated? Does he want attention?
You mentioned he was in therapy in the past, is he still in? Or did you stop?
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
I wasn't entirely sure about the police station thing. I am just not sure what to do right now.
I think I will talk to the ped. about this at the next visit, he hasn't been the greatest in the past (the Dr.) so I may have to take Gibson to a different one. There is really nothing that is triggering what's going on. He can be sitting still one minute and the next he is breaking something or hurting someone or something. With sports, it's the same thing. He just gets bored about every 5 minutes and wants to do something destructive.
He stopped therapy, he was on a waiting list for a next step program but didn't get in yet and they don't take him once he turns 6 so I may be calling the therapist up again and going back to that 3 times a week with him instead since he'll be 6 in a few months.
This is a crazy question - and by no means a solution to your problem - but have you ever walked him through visualization mediation? We were talking about it yesterday in my drama class as something both one of the kindergarten teachers and spec ed teachers uses to help calm and focus kids (it actually works for all ages - including adults). I have used it with my spec ed drama kids (gr 7) too as a way to centre them for their activities over the 50 minutes they were in my classroom. It made a huge difference.
Short overview
One variation of a script
I'm a big fan of the story telling variations, though the muscle check in is a great one to begin with as it engages kids to focus briefly on different muscle groups. For kids with short attention spans, it's helpful.
It may not work the first time, but don't give up on it until you've given it a good long shot. Getting kids into routine takes time (as you know!).
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
Just recently though, these past two weeks, we have tried cutting most sugary things out of his diet. (If the box says more than 6g of sugar per serving he is not allowed it.) This has seemed to really help. We have also started a different strategy for discipline. I used to put him on a time-out chair and he would have to sit for five minutes, if he ran away I would have to put him back on the chair and start the timer over. We are now sending him to his room to "cool down", there is no timer, we send him up he can scream, yell, cry, etc. When he wants to come back down and get back to his activities he has to be calm and apologize for his previous behaviors. We also made "House Rules" together with him and posted them on the wall as a reference, this way he knows when he goes to his room it is because to broke one of the "Rule".
All this said, if you are planning to change an approach you have to give it time...with all the things we tried we gave each of them at least a month to see if it was beneficial or not. Also, I do believe the child I nanny may have a diagnose-able behavioral issue (I am leaning towards O.D.D.) and that it is always a good idea to take children to Pediatricians when you think your child isn't following "typical" behavioral patterns.
Sorry this response was so long. I just do want to sympathize with you because, even though I am not a mother, I understand (to a degree) how difficult it can be to deal with behaviors that just bewilder and seem to come out of nowhere. I hope you get the answers you are looking for and are able to help your son.
Thank you ladies for your suggestions and help.
I will take a closer look at the meditation methods for sure. I'm gonna check that out tonight after I finish my evening chores. It's something I've never even thought of. I've tried teaching him yoga before, but he has the attention span of a butterfly. I'm excited to give it a shot.
I have cut sugar out of his diet quite some time ago and anything with red dye in it. It helped for a few weeks and then he went back to "his normal" behavior. I'm going to keep searching for what else can be cut from his diet, which is hard to do since he is already a really tiny child (at only 31lbs and 5 years old). I have thought about going gluten free, but it hasn't happened yet.
He does have a time out chair and he goes to his room to scream and whatnot. It doesn't seem to phase him for some reason. When I was a kid, I was terrified to do something bad and get caught, it's almost like he really just forgets that he's going to get in trouble for destroying things, or pushing his brother down the stairs.
I'm going to try all the suggestions you guys have given me and I'll let you know how things go. Hopefully I have a less eventful day tomorrow.
Just aim for getting through 1 minute to begin with. With the attention of a butterfly, I can see why he would get bored with yoga. He needs constant stimuli, which is why the muscle check-in might work. You're asking him to do several different tasks with his body, so a 5 second focus on each area before switching might appeal to him more. The added bonus is that tensing your muscles and then releasing them will physically relax him too.
But, like I said, this is a patch. I get about 50 minutes out of a 5 minute session, but I've been told that if you can progress up to 10-30 minutes, the effects last much longer. Apparently the spec ed kids in one of my colleagues' classes do much better on tests all day long after doing a long round of visualization meditation! I should add on - I've only done this where they've been in engaged in focused activities after; I don't know how well it would work if one were just to tell them to go engage in play time after.
And ultimately, whatever is welling up inside him and causing him to lash out violently is still there. This won't fix that by a long shot.
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
Diddo this. I work with older children with ADHD and we use love and logic. People and children who have ADHD also are very impulsive and often do thing without thinking things through. I would encourge you to keep having your son talk to a counselor especially one that specialize in this sort of thing. I would also keep recommend that you see a counslor that can help you work through your feelings. ADHD is not your fault, and talking can help you understand the disorder and ways to work with it.
Trying to get things under control early shows that you are a good parent!!