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writing as the child
Im writing here as a 'child' in a military family. And all I can
really say is encourage counseling after a deployment...heres my story
as of 1130 today my parents finalized their divorce, my father spent
two tours in iraq and had been in the military since he was 18 (hes now
55). We always thought that he would act different when he came home
because all of the things he had seen and we were right. We told him
counseling was a good idea but he said nothing was wrong. My father was a
special ops master Sargent, today he told me he finally got himself in
to counseling for PTSD and he was ready to admit that it killed him
everyday to think about the men he sent out that never came back. The
guilt changed him, it ruined our family. Before we knew it we had no
idea what was going through his head. somethings he would sleep for
three days, and sometimes he wouldnt sleep at all. It turns out he was
having 'memory dreams' He did alot more that I'm sure you guys dont care
about, but you get the idea.
I know I can tell you to encourage counseling all I want, but if my family could do it all again, I would want to talk to him about it before he went over. I never thought the military would actually tare my family apart.
As the 'child' I'm heart broken, a divorce hurts weather your 5 or 20 and it hurts even more to think that we could have prevented all of this before it even started. I know some of you are going to tell me that it doesnt happen to all families, and good for you. but today I watched a grown military man cry, I watched my family be torn apart by a piece of paper and the pain is so unbelievably strong.
Honestly I just needed someone to talk to I'd like to see someones family come out ahead because of this story. So if your here to be rude or whatever, I'm not in the mood.
Re: writing as the child
I'm very sorry your family is going through this. It seems like maybe you could benefit from some counseling youself over this issue.
But just so I am reading this correctly, are you trying to convince us to not be in the military? or that our partner/spouse shouldnt be in the military? and that our lives are going to be torn apart because of it? and then you're telling us not to be rude to you? after saying that to us (which is rude inandofitself)?
I changed my name
That's what I got out of it.
OP, I'm sorry your family is going through this right now. It seems that your mother and father should have both sought out counseling long ago. I hope they are both in counseling now. I also urge you to talk to someone. It could really do you some good.
I thought that too, but then this was sticking out to me
I changed my name
what i meant by this is to talk to them about counseling before they go overseas. that way theyre more open to the idea when they come back.
i would never discourage anyone from going into the military. im just encouraging counseling.
OK, my bad. but I totally agree with you
I changed my name
I was waiting for her initial anger to subside a bit, but one of the things that stood out to me was, "a divorce hurts weather your 5 or 20." No, it doesn't. Sometimes divorce is the best thing for a family and sometimes those divorces are worth celebrating. My parents were in a turbulent, abusive marriage for 25 years and I was an adult when they finally divorced. A weight was lifted from my shoulders the day their marriage was finalized. My little sisters were able to grow up in a home without being raped and beaten on a regular basis, so while your family's situation is causing you pain at 20, you can't assume everyone will sympathize.
Also, when I came home from deployment, one of my healthcare providers jumped right to, "You have PTSD." She showed up at my office with pamphlets to give my husband about coping with my PTSD. Everyone else said, "You're having a normal reaction to an abnormal experience." I have no doubt that many people, possibly even your father, are told they're normal and that the extreme reactions will subside eventually. Talking to him about the importance of counseling is a nice thought, but you couldn't have prevented his mental wounds or his divorce.
i understand your wanting to stand up for what you believe in. but the military was the reason my family broke apart. and if you read what i wrote. im not in the mood to deal with people that just want to try and make me feel bad for being upset.
i bid you good day.
Actually you have no way of knowing that. Could it be? Possibly. But could your parents have ended up divorcing despite what your father did for a living? You never know.
Not to mention, as their child you have a completely different view of their marriage than they do. There may be extenuating circumstances that you aren't even aware of.
"It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
"Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
Even if the cause was deployment related, I'd put a share of the blame the service member for refusing to go to counseling.
OP, I'm so glad my parents are divorced. I was 2, so I don't really remember them married. I can say I'm grateful I didn't have to grow up in the same house with both of them.
Have you explored with your therapist why you're getting married so young? I did once, and it was because I was seeking to create stability, by making my own family. FSIL lost her dad at 11, and was KU and married at 17/18. She admitted to looking for stability when her life had been so unstable. She is far from happy now. Just be careful. I know you're hurting, but I hope you deal with that pain before you enter into a union.